Why Some People Choose To Get Help And Others Don't?

[RussH]

I guess for me; I didn't realize that my thoughts and feelings were not just me. I did not know I had a condition that was treatable. I just thought I was weak.
When I discovered that there were others like me, and help was available, then I sought help.

 

[greenleaf]

It's not black and white for me; some dissociated stuff couldn't be worked on because I hid it from myself and others such as therapists I went to for help, quite well, although it's influenced my life for decades negatively. I guess my behavior fell within the range of "normal", which is what I do for survival... :(

Other people I know have not even started therapy though. I get a sense with them that their issues work together to form a knot of no progress. Maybe short term part of their brain thinks it's too painful, can't trust those therapists, or they get get short-term relief from additions of various sorts (computer games can count here!) That short-term short-circuits larger change that might help them, but their deep brain doesn't really know that on its level.

My issues left me wanting relief and what I'd seen abusers do to others I loved left me wanting not to mimic the abusers. My knots have had ends sticking out that I can work at untangling.

The short-term pain might include having to face things they'd done; abusers, for instance, who were abused themselves, have that additional layer of horror to deal with, and most don't seem to change...

There is a certain deep level of (survival-related?) decision making that it's hard to deal with as words don't seem to reach it I think... not that we are not responsible for "it" as adults... maybe researchers will figure this stuff out and create better approaches for these folks, so many people don't seek help and then, well, no one lives forever so they may never know what they've missed...

 

[Meadowsweet]

There was a lot of stuff I didn't get help with for years because it wasn't bad enough to frighten me - or it didn't frighten me because I still felt that i had control. I got help when I started to feel like i was losing control of my mind.

You mention that your Mum had depression, and one of the feelings that seems to come with depression is a feeling of not caring about anything, and that if anything bad happens it deserved. That state of mind works against any thoughts of getting help. Whereas. when I got help it was due to PTSD symptoms getting so bad, that I felt like I was going to be killed for a time, then I would see the world acting normal and feel like I was in a dream, then I wouldn't know what was real and what wasn't. So, although I was scared to get help (thinking they would lock me up and throw away the key), I also really wanted someone to help me because I was really frightened. .

 

[bell]

I didn't realize I needed help per se, as I've had PTSD since I was very little. I just thought that was my "normal" and I was treating my depression, so I was doing all I could.

Then the PTSD diagnosis came and I was like, "What?!? There's a "better" beyond how I'm feeling right now?"

 

[anthony]

Yer, I honestly give a lot of credit immediately to people who actively seek help to fix something they acknowledge is wrong with them. I thought I was strong keeping all my shit closed up and bottled, which was actually instigating me to cause chaos on the world around me and others... yet it wasn't until I grew a set and faced my issues directly, that I was really being quite weak doing what I was doing, and only causing pain to others and myself.

It takes strength to acknowledge your own flaws and issues, and more strength to act and do something constructive towards changing yourself for the better of you, and those around you... the world around you.

 

[GenerousMoon]

I have often wondered why some people chose to get help and others don't. My mother is an example, she cle...

I can answer that question easily. I spent most of my life trying to stay strong for everyone. Did not want to accept the i needed help. In my mind thought medication was for "those"crazy folks. Everyone use to advise of therapy because of my anger issues. Not taking medication has to do with society ideas. Than finally you wont believe my supervisor seen my anger was deeper inside.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

The heart of the matter is denial. You know that your mother has issues and it's blatantly obvious she needs help. But, like my grandmother who was controlling narcissistic depressive, they don't feel that it's "right" for them to say such things or talk about such things. If anyone finds out, God forbid! (sarcasm) Back in my little town in North Carolina, things were not talked about in any kind of company. You sucked it up and you hid it until it festers as abuse to others. My grandmother had the "martyr" syndrome that, in family's company" turned out to be Jeckyl and Hyde in disguise.

It's part of my PTSD. Sadly, there are times, and I'm making a confession here, that I wished to take a huge hammer to her headstone where she is buried. I wanted her to see the damage she has done to so many of her family to show on the face of her headstone. Like with your mother-everything is hidden, buried inside until others become the targets. It's a sick twisted mind game.

 

[EveHarrington]

Healing is hard. Not healing is easier.

 

[Nessa7]

I think it is really easy for something to become normal. There is a genetic component to a lot of mental illnesses, which can make it hard to get perspective. My therapist still has to point out things that were a symptom of my parents' mental illness. Now that I have started my current treatment plan, I have days that I am completely shocked that it is possible to feel as good as I do. I didn't know it was possible.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I have often wondered why some people chose to get help and others don't. My mother is an example, she cle...

My mom passed away from cancer a month and a half ago. I am pretty sure she must have known something was terribly wrong. She waited until she had only weeks to live. In many ways I think that actually benefited her, because the deadly cancer would most likely have gotten her in the end anyways. She was actually able to live most of her life while having cancer at home. Most cancer patients don't even get that, have to spend years and years in depressing hospitals. So that was not necessarily bad.
What was really bad was the fact that my mom never took good care of her health because my father continuously smothered her with his own problems. When I visited I could clearly see that that man did not allow her to live, if he did not get 100 percent constant attention all day long, he would get in her face, talk to her when she did not want to talk and so on..... Just thinking about it disgusts me, ohhh it so disgusts me to think about that.

That man smothered my mother. He might as well have taken a pillow to her mouth and nose her whole life, because that is what it essentially amounts to.
The reason my mom never spoke up about her own issues was because this man dominated her in every aspect of her life. I hate him.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I was insanely terrified when I finally got out that not only did I not dare say a word to anyone due to fear of what they and the remainder could do (and I saw them do) but to live with myself after what I had done I convinced myself, oddly very successfully, that I was lying.

I was forced into therapy as it had started to come out and Id remember something and Id enter into an insane level of rage where I was exploding over anything and every petty thing. It was crazy.

I did attempt therapy a year prior but didnt think enough of it to pay for it.

And then for a whole year I still refused to come out with it, though my therapist knew I was there for way more than I presented.

If I could sum that up it would be:

• Massive terror of my abusers and the remainder of their "people".
• Shame. Loads and loads of shame for what I had done.
• Misinformation about "shrinks" as I called them.

And I would say that society stigma is big as I dont think it would have been as hard as it was to finally be out with it if society accepted that this stuff happens, every day, under their nose. I dont think I would have jumped for help but it wouldnt of been so hard to admit it and I think I would have seeked helped a lot sooner for at least the suicide attempts and thoughts.

I think people dont seek help for many reason but im not sure it makes them worse or better. It honestly could be that they are horribly afraid and horribly misinformed about what "help" is.

 

[Friday]

Ideas of why some people choose to get help? Why did you get help?

Mostly... I didn't know there was help. I thought this was just me. So better learn to make the best of it.

Besides. I'm fine. All the f*cked up, outta control, death wish, chaos driven, self destructive nonsense? The f*ck you talking about? I'm fine. Back the f*ck up off me.

Shrug. It took first getting better on my own, then things going bad, again... And not wanting to go back to that / desperate & outta my depth / having the comparison between fine (needing to believe it) & actually fine... And more... Something to lose. I didn't have anything to lose the first time. I'd already lost everything. This time I had something to lose.