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- #25
D
Deleted member 38906
Is being in two minds a good enough reason to change therapists? Or to at least start looking? If I was with the right one wouldn't I be sure of it?
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Mee
Diamond Member
I know if I was not entirely confident with mine and our match being right for me I would not make progress.
I think that having a relationship you feel secure in is important so long as it's not avoiding issues.
I know I am primarily anxious with a bit of avoidance in attachment. So for me I would be agonising if I wanted to change becausecibwas scared to elve into the confrontation with T or if I was running from the good understanding I felt I had turning to not feeling heard? Maybe if you put that in your own lens of approach it might help with if this is a hood move or not?
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- #27
D
Deleted member 38906
It's funny how she used the exact same line.. I bet they teach them what to say in situations like ours in 'therapy' school.
I can relate to feeling bad for texting... I feel less guilty and more angry... My trauma response is usually fight.. It will attack me and my T if I text for giving into dependancy.
Justmehere
Sponsor
Not really. He’s spot on that the best process is to work out the conflict with one therapist. The desire to stay with and run from the same therapist will come up with other therapists too.
He mentioned attachment problems and what you describe is right in line with ambivalent attachment. It’s not solved by switching from therapist to therapist.
- Post starter
- #29
D
Deleted member 38906
OK well I suppose that makes sense... I always thought I was disorganized attachment style... Maybe I'm ambivalent after all
If you had a disorganised attachment style you’d know all about it - most folk with disorganised attachment end up in personality disorder territory, and really really don’t function in daily life.
I’m not sure being two minds is enough to move T, all you’d do is move the problem along abit. The conflict you describe is, I think, pretty normal - it’s the same pull between knowing what we cope with in daily life is hard, but that facing our trauma will be hard too and so we oscillate between doing the work and just coping.
I’d be taking it back into your therapy (copying parts of this thread might help). I know for me there was a period when just sitting in a room in a relationship with someone else felt like torture - the only way to overcome that was to keep turning up and slowly but slowly it got easier.
I’m not sure being two minds is enough to move T, all you’d do is move the problem along abit. The conflict you describe is, I think, pretty normal - it’s the same pull between knowing what we cope with in daily life is hard, but that facing our trauma will be hard too and so we oscillate between doing the work and just coping.
I’d be taking it back into your therapy (copying parts of this thread might help). I know for me there was a period when just sitting in a room in a relationship with someone else felt like torture - the only way to overcome that was to keep turning up and slowly but slowly it got easier.
EveHarrington
VIP Member
I think therapy isn’t working (in part) because you are in full on defense mode. It seems like no matter what your therapist says, it’s a reason for you to not like him.
Hmm. I'm a little surprised with some of the answers.
Yes, healing is not a linear process. There will be setbacks and I often felt like having reached a plateau and nothing changes anymore. But looking back you'll see, something has happened. Still:
"(...) times of am i being brain washed?
i feel so trapped. "
Shouldn't the possibility at least be taken into consideration, that your T could really be the wrong person for you? Or, to take it one step further, that he even could have an abusive character? That happens, unfortunately, also with therapists! I mean, it should be allowed to talk about it here.
And if he is not; just because someone is a T doesn't mean he or she is doing a good job in therapy and you have to stick with them, assuming you were the one who has to work through the initial struggle, no matter what. And while this might be a necessary first stage some will have to go through, shouldn't it be accompanied by a sense of being on the right path or am I too 'optimistic' here?
How about your gut feeling in less threatening situations? Do you usually trust it?
I agree with Suzetig: "I think everyone can be helped" and would be careful to generalize that therapy is not for you, just because it doesn't feel right at the moment or with a specific person.
Terminology can be tricky and there often is space for discussion and objection. In my opinion and many articles and books I read, neglect is abuse (or can be at least). Whether it needs to be severe or "very wrong" to affect a child lastingly will much depend on the child, it's sensitivity etc.
Yes, healing is not a linear process. There will be setbacks and I often felt like having reached a plateau and nothing changes anymore. But looking back you'll see, something has happened. Still:
"(...) times of am i being brain washed?
i feel so trapped. "
Shouldn't the possibility at least be taken into consideration, that your T could really be the wrong person for you? Or, to take it one step further, that he even could have an abusive character? That happens, unfortunately, also with therapists! I mean, it should be allowed to talk about it here.
And if he is not; just because someone is a T doesn't mean he or she is doing a good job in therapy and you have to stick with them, assuming you were the one who has to work through the initial struggle, no matter what. And while this might be a necessary first stage some will have to go through, shouldn't it be accompanied by a sense of being on the right path or am I too 'optimistic' here?
How about your gut feeling in less threatening situations? Do you usually trust it?
I agree with Suzetig: "I think everyone can be helped" and would be careful to generalize that therapy is not for you, just because it doesn't feel right at the moment or with a specific person.
Terminology can be tricky and there often is space for discussion and objection. In my opinion and many articles and books I read, neglect is abuse (or can be at least). Whether it needs to be severe or "very wrong" to affect a child lastingly will much depend on the child, it's sensitivity etc.
- Post starter
- #33
D
Deleted member 38906
My gut feelings is good and bad. Some sessions I feel like he gets me while other times I don't feel like we're on the same wavelength at all. My feelings oscillate way too much to be able to decide whether to keep seeing him or not. He isn't abusive though
Mee
Diamond Member
Moo, is communication an issue with other relationships in your life? Family members it others?
I didn’t feel bad about changing T’s. I am an honest communicator even though I find it terrifying to face anger I am always honset. I have an excellent ( longterm) relationship with my life partner so I do not feel the issues are just mine.
My t assures me I will feel anger and extreme discomfort with her at done point and that THAT is part of this work.
I didn’t feel bad about changing T’s. I am an honest communicator even though I find it terrifying to face anger I am always honset. I have an excellent ( longterm) relationship with my life partner so I do not feel the issues are just mine.
My t assures me I will feel anger and extreme discomfort with her at done point and that THAT is part of this work.
- Post starter
- #35
D
Deleted member 38906
I'm not sure... Sometimes it is an issue.
I try to be very honest with my T though. He knows that I feel a lot of conflict and he appreciates and respects it. I just wish he did more to help me resolve it. I wish he took me more seriously.
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