Why This And Not That . . . ????

[TakeTheBaggage]

As a child, I saw physical abuse between my parents. I have no traumatic effects from it. I have never abused or been abusive in a relationship, other than my marriage, which I don't count since he hit me, and I put him in jail, which seems like the healthy way to deal with physical abuse.

As a teenager, I liked boys a few years older than me. My older sister kept having sex with them. I did not care then and do not care today. I didn't have sex with them. I have no traumatic effects from it.

Yet . . . I am traumatized by the twelve year bullying done by my school. Why did this trigger PTSD and not the other things? Why THIS?

My father is long since deceased, and my sister has decided to disown me for whatever reason. That's funny, if you think about it. She slept with my boyfriends; I didn't care, and she's decided I'm not worthy of her recognition. Too funny.

But, my point is, technically, it is impossible to find closure on any of the three things, but only one effects my life on a daily basis. Why?

 

[tillybee]

Did you know your sister well enough to expect this of her? So you weren't as shocked when she did it? And the bullying, kids can turn on the eye of a needle, that must of been shocking - puzzling.

 

[Ghostybear73]

I wonder if these other things did traumatize you but you rationalize because they were supposed to be people that loved you unconditionally. Of course I could be way off base, but its a thought worth exploring. Do you have a therapist? If not, it might be an avenue worth exploring to help with the traumatizing effects of the bullying at school.

I wish you the best. :)

 

[digger]

It may be that these things did contribute to your overall traumatization but that your mind is only focussing on the bullying at the moment. Possibly as you work through this you could end up with feelings arising about the other experiences too.

For me there have certainly been things I thought I was okay with or over until we hit them in therapy and I realised I wasn't, I've just numbed myself to them because feeling them would hurt too much.

 

[Justmehere]

Maybe you were traumatized and it is just showing up now through being bullied at school. Or maybe it's because you were able to escape the other situations but not so easily the one at school. In some cases, not all, overt trauma could be easier to recognize and process through at the time while more subtle but prolonged ones are not. A trauma therapist once said the severity of the trauma isn't the biggest predictor of PTSD but things like the invalidation of the surrounding community and having survived previous traumas.

 

[Hashi]

I agree with what others have said, that it's possible the other things did contribute to your PTSD.

When I first got PTSD, everything was about a trauma when I was 20. I was also traumatised when I was 16, and throughout childhood, but nothing else came into the foreground until I'd done quite a lot of trauma work on the event when I was 20. I didn't think my childhood experiences mattered. Now, it's hard to remember that I used to think that.

I suggest taking it one step at a time. Trust your subconscious to know what it's doing, and to know when you're ready to deal with things. If there's more, then it will give you more when you're stronger and have better skills.

 

[Nebulustrix]

I agree with a lot that was said here and want to offer another possible perspective-

The abuse you witnessed at home was not directed toward you. Your exposure to it made you aware of the extremes people are capable of when angry and irrational, but you were an outsider looking in and felt as though you were never in any real danger, because they were only abusing each other and not you.

You then face bullying in school and this is directed at you. You know, from your observations at home, the kind of extremes that can be reached, even between two people who love each other and now you are afraid. And rightly so. Bullying is terrible, and there is no telling how far some kids will take it. Bullying is abuse - we just call it something different because it happens between kids.

While witnessing abuse may not have been traumatic, it did make you more sensitive to abusive behavior once it was directed toward you. So bullying that another individual may have been able to numb themselves to and tolerate became traumatic for you.

 

[scout86]

I asked my T a version of that question a couple of weeks ago. He said there really isn't an answer for it. All they seem to know right now is it has to do with the way the memories impact and are stored in the brain. I've had an assortment of "near death experiences" in my life. I'd call a few of the memories "bad" but they weren't traumatic. (And I mean literally almost getting killed type incidents, where my first thought afterwards was, "Wow, I'm not dead?!") There are some incidents from early childhood that apparently ARE stored as traumatic memories. Why one and not the others? Who knows? Actually, my T has also suggested that I avoid asking myself "Why?" There often isn't really an answer to that kind of question.

 

[TakeTheBaggage]

Thank you for the feedback, especially scout86. I was thinking along the same lines as what your therapist told you but wasn't sure. I was waiting to read a reply about trauma occurring during pivotal moments in brain development or your brain not developed sufficiently to accept such a horrible reality. Regarding my sister, I truly did not care for those boys. Was she being a worthless sister? Well, yeah . . . But, that's something she has to live with, not me. I have no baggage about it. Perhaps, because of my traumatic state, I was unable to have feelings of any depth for the boys. Honestly, I can't give you a reason as to why it doesn't bother me . . . But, it does not live rent free in my head.