Why won't this stop? feeling like everything said to me is a personal attack

[nebulous]

i feel like everything that is said to me is a personal attack and it hurts so bad
i don’t think i’m just “hypersensitive”
i feel like everyone thinks i am a liar, a loser,
when people say things I just completely lock up and feel like my brain becomes detached and I can’t speak or smile or stop my muscles from tensing
sometimes when words are said it makes me stare ahead and i can’t move even though i want to, i want to be okay but it sends me into a tailspin and i fall apart into a million pieces

 

[Victory]

Welcome Nebulous. I feel this way too often as well. Anyone out there got a tip or two on how to overcome this?

 

[Freida]

Maybe run some scenarios in your head? Take what the person told you and see if you can reword it in your head to have a positive spin? It doesn't matter if it's true or not - its a way to practice "hearing" different meanings to what people say.

 

[Teasel]

CBT is very good at helping with this

If you can't get CBT therapy you night try
Feeling Good - David Burns
Or a book on CBT
Best x

 

[Mach123]

When I started to see this I couldn't believe it. I still can't mostly. Like when I could actually say to myself 'he or she didn't mean anything by that.' Also when I can stop being in attack mode. I am always ready to be attacked and retaliate. I had no idea I was doing this. When I look at the other people or think about them and try to feel good or even neutral I realize how 'bad' this is and what it brings on me. Now I don't do anything or I'm practicing not doing anything because that feeling was the only one I could use to get myself to do anything. So I end up like people on crystal meth or a spider on acid. I try doing things, or I do them, but they all come out sideways.

 

[LuckiLee]

When my guy is symptomatic he thinks everything I say or do is an attack on him. Ugh! Are you always like that or just when your symptoms are elevated?

 

[frogthroat]

I do this too and at least for me I notice it happens more when I'm really down on myself for not accomplishing something in the way I feel I should've. I believe I'm projecting things that I learned about myself from others via abuse and emotional neglect into any human interaction.
Really logically when I think about it is everyone being condescending or passive aggressive? No. I've just been made to feel like garbage so much I automatically feel that I'm being chastised or mocked in some way. I know most people I come across on a daily basis don't have time and don't want to go out of their way to be hateful. When I'm going through something and I feel defective I just feel like other people think that way about me too. I've missed out on probable positive social interactions because of my own feelings of humiliation. I think shame is a huge part of the "everyone is attacking me somehow" thoughts.
I try to be reasonable even in unpleasant situations where I've made a mistake or have let my anxiety make me more prone to anger. The more I practice the better I get at it. I can even take constructive criticism now usually without getting too worked up. I used to literally feel suicidal for making a mistake. Sometimes, I still feel ashamed for days depending on what it is I feel I've messed up. I also am learning to forgive myself for things. People I deal with in life are just people and they all have secret hurts and weird feelings. I try to remember that. Everyone is different and raised differently. Most of the time it's not bad. It's sad that a few bad people in life tainted my entire view of absolutely everyone and everything but it can be relearned. These feelings aren't permanent. They're hard to change and it takes time and work. I just keep telling myself it will be worth it not to be so isolated and paranoid all the time.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

I often felt this way as well, but I’ve got it under control now thanks to CBT/DBT and a great therapist. For me, it comes from being abused by two different narcissists, and learning to constantly need external validation (still working on that part). The less I seek external validation from someone, the less their words feel like an attack, even if they are. Now I can converse with that person and see if we have a misunderstanding, or they’re just being rude. Usually with my dad who’s just a mean person I have nothing to seek from him so I just ignore it and roll my eyes and continue on my merry way.

I also recommend the book the Four Agreements.

 

[grit]

I felt this often in my life and a lot of years did not even know about it. That much entrenched.
this is one area therapy helped me in great deal because it was just so palpable.
One thing I have done before therapy was that I would write down and be more under reacting than over reacting by pure force of using mental energy not emotional energy.
The way I saw it then (before therapy) was that I am frightened obviously. this makes sense to me cause I was so frightened as a child. This is just me but now that I am adult, I need to use my logic so I used a lot of logic which made me minimize how often I put my self in group or social situations. I also most of the time did the opposite of that feeling. If a person just attacked me, I would just go about as if they did not. I remembered now feeling few times, people must think I was a pushover or stupid but I did not care. I wanted to to lay low and do not let my emotions got hold of me. over the years, I have gotten used to it.

I did not realize until I came to therapy a year ago, how much energy that took out of me. things that needed to be automatically for the self were done by me manually mentally and logically.

growing up under a threat of a crazy mother, my blood became fearful.