Hello everyone, My name is Kelly and I am the wife of a combat vet who struggles with PTSD. My Husband was in Iraq in 04 and 05. I knew being a soldier myself to expect changes in my husband when he came home but I was not prepared for how drastic it would be. My husband left a sweet family man and came back a vacant shell with no emotions and completely shut down to his life here.
It did not help that I had come down with some mystery illness during this time that would end up taking over 2 years to figure out. Because of this, I was discharged from the Military. The added stress of losing my income and not being able to work just made things worse.
I did everything in my power to make my husband feel comfortable being home and to help him transition back into being home but it seemed that no matter what I did, he just got worst. It started with him alienating his friends and then the children and I couldn't do anything right. We would talk about getting things done around the house so he could have projects but then he would just fly off the handle when it came to getting them done. It got to the point that we were walking on eggshells whenever he was home.
Many soldiers turn towards an addiction and my husband's was online gaming. This became his escape and his world. No matter how hard we tried to make him part of our life, he had nothing to give us. I cannot tell you how many times I sat him down and begged him to get help and to come back to us. Finally at one point after we had a very bad argument over our oldest child, I told him I couldn't take it anymore. It hurt my heart too much to not feel wanted by him anymore and that because of that I had one foot out the door. I told him that my love alone was not enough to block out the pain he was causing us all.
I was hoping that this talk from the heart would wake him up to the fact that we needed him to get healthy and come back to us but that would not be the case because all my husband heard was that I was leaving him and instead of getting help, he turned towards an affair. I must say that this was very painful to deal with and in the beginning it was very hard to make the decision to stay in my marriage but it was the wake up call that my husband needed to see what a mess he had made of his life by not getting help and started therapy.
It has been a little over a year since this all took place and we have had many ups and down but we have come a long way in healing our family and our marriage. My husband still struggles with PTSD and depression but he now has tools to help cope and has learned that I may not get the whole combat issue but I do get him and that I am his best support to help him better deal with his PTSD.
I still don't have all the answers and am always looking for better ways to support my husband. I was very happy to come across this forum and look forward to meeting others on here.
It did not help that I had come down with some mystery illness during this time that would end up taking over 2 years to figure out. Because of this, I was discharged from the Military. The added stress of losing my income and not being able to work just made things worse.
I did everything in my power to make my husband feel comfortable being home and to help him transition back into being home but it seemed that no matter what I did, he just got worst. It started with him alienating his friends and then the children and I couldn't do anything right. We would talk about getting things done around the house so he could have projects but then he would just fly off the handle when it came to getting them done. It got to the point that we were walking on eggshells whenever he was home.
Many soldiers turn towards an addiction and my husband's was online gaming. This became his escape and his world. No matter how hard we tried to make him part of our life, he had nothing to give us. I cannot tell you how many times I sat him down and begged him to get help and to come back to us. Finally at one point after we had a very bad argument over our oldest child, I told him I couldn't take it anymore. It hurt my heart too much to not feel wanted by him anymore and that because of that I had one foot out the door. I told him that my love alone was not enough to block out the pain he was causing us all.
I was hoping that this talk from the heart would wake him up to the fact that we needed him to get healthy and come back to us but that would not be the case because all my husband heard was that I was leaving him and instead of getting help, he turned towards an affair. I must say that this was very painful to deal with and in the beginning it was very hard to make the decision to stay in my marriage but it was the wake up call that my husband needed to see what a mess he had made of his life by not getting help and started therapy.
It has been a little over a year since this all took place and we have had many ups and down but we have come a long way in healing our family and our marriage. My husband still struggles with PTSD and depression but he now has tools to help cope and has learned that I may not get the whole combat issue but I do get him and that I am his best support to help him better deal with his PTSD.
I still don't have all the answers and am always looking for better ways to support my husband. I was very happy to come across this forum and look forward to meeting others on here.
