Supporter Wife Of Ptsd Policeman + Secondary Ptsd Sufferer

[ShadowOMFself]

Hi Kate, I've just found the site and your post caught my attention - I might have written it myself. Sadly after several years of battling PTSD (and 3 years after me being diagnosed with secondary trauma) my partner moved out and we have admitted defeat.

I know how much of a struggle it was and will always be for him (and your husband I imagine). Mine finally left the police in the wake of a tribunal which is still on-going to try and get some kind of "justice" for him, which has become rather a crusade.

Unfortunately the PTSD goes back rather further (about 30 years further) and will take I imagine a lifetime of specialist support to resolve to a manageable level.
Mine - I'm taking 3 different drugs right now to get through the immediate future, plus I have a great, specialist counseller who really understands the condition and the burden of care on the spouse.

Kate, if you are anything like me, caring for him, plus the family/home/job etc means you personally come way down the list of priorities. All anyone has told me is boundaries, take care of yourself, you don't deserve this kind of abuse and it's all good advice, but very difficult in practise.

You sound like you are incredibly strong and have taken on a huge burden - which is what leads to secondary trauma. Take care of yourself.

<Edited for basic grammar by KP the nut>

 

[BlueSea]

Thanks guys. This Disorder is so brutal, feels like it takes and steals absolutely everything out of you.

I'll definitely heads over to the Supporter section :) Think I need it at the moment. Such a good site.

ShadowOMFself. Wow I'm hearing you - I've been told all of the same things, but you are exactly right- very difficult in practice. I hope you find peace within yourself at the moment and know that you are still a good person - it takes a hell of a lot of guts to make that decision. We/re going through a similar process at the moment. Sending you lots of positive energy (and to your ex-partner as well).

 

[NJP]

Kate my husband is a Police officer and PTSD sufferer, are you in the UK?

 

[BlueSea]

Hi NJP, I am in Australia :)

 

[ProudWife99]

((((((KateC))))))) - Welcome! Like you, I too am on a mission! There is NO support in the Midwest, USA for families of Soldiers with Combat PTSD. I don't know one other woman that lives in my area, which is sad. Because I live in a military area...and I know there are some. Your passion inspires me! I'm so glad you're here =)

 

[sheri G]

I just found this site. I am married to a police officer who is diagnosed PTSD. I don't know the medical terminology, but it's severe and chronic and has been going on untreated for 4 years.

He finally went through the pd for help via workers comp last year and has had nothing but denials, delays and treatment options that are so minimal, they are of no help. He has gone over 6 months without any treatment at all, because they forced him to cancel his counseling because the counselor was not workers comp approved and then provided him with NO ONE else.

His rage outbursts have become so frequent and so scary that he has now opted to move out of our home. I love him and want him to get help. He has no ability to control his rage, and while I try my best to not trigger him, it seems his triggers have endless means and I am unable to predict when he will be set off. They come on suddenly and are so intense they scare me. He loses complete control. I don't want him to move out. I am afraid our marriage may not survive this if he isn't here with me.

I know he is trying to get into an inpatient program, but workers comp keeps denying the treatment despite 3 of their own chosen doctors have recommended it. I feel helpless, and like a failure because I couldn't cope with the rage anymore. It feels like it is destroying me as well. I'm so sad and I feel so alone in this. I know he does too.

Our family and what is left of our friends don't understand. One actually told me he is having a mid life crisis and to just let him go get it out of his system. What kind of advice is that? I don't know how to help him at this point. He is now alone also. He has no family support outside of me. His parents are no help. They both are dealing with their own issues that have prevented them from being loving parents for most of his life. His brother is self absorbed and has never been there for him. They exchange christmas cards each year, that's the extent of their relationship.

So, at this point, both my husband and myself are alone, with no options that we can see to help him. He left because he can't stop hurting me. But I worry about him constantly. I don't know how he is coping, if he's ok. If he is capable of hurting himself.

I'm sad, scared, and feel very alone. My family relationships are complex, and I don't have a support system either. Friends are no help. They either say ridiculous things or just tell me to pray.

Giving him space is killing me inside. but so was the rage every day. I am struggling with so many emotions. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I'm going to see my therapist tomorrow. Hopefully she can help me gain some clarity.