WillyKat
Diamond Member
I've written about my solo wilderness quests several times in various posts, so I thought I'd cover it completely in its own thread. I can't speak for others but the wilderness always heals me. John Muir said: "For every unfortunate it kills, it cures a thousand."
First, what I often do in the wilderness will strike many people as a death-wish. I don't think it is any more dangerous than driving on the freeway or walking out to my car at quitting time. And while there are dangers, they are honest dangers. The mountain lion won't say "hey, come here, you gotta check this out, trust me." There's no deceit or abuse of trust in the wilderness.
Nevertheless, I have to say that I do this after many, many years of backcountry experience and both classroom and field training. Even with all that, I had a very tough trip a few years ago: thunder, lightning, and two days of rain, hail, snow, and wind. I ended up coming back early because Ma Nature kicked my ass so hard I had to unzip my pants to blow my nose.
So a word of caution: Do not venture out into the wilderness alone unless you know what you're doing. If you're interested in doing it, get the training first or at least start with this book: "98.6 Degrees: The Art of Keeping Your Ass Alive" by Cody Lundin. (And even though Lundin is on one of the TV survival shows, he'll be the first to point out that you're unlikely to learn much about wilderness survival from TV; take a class and practice what you learn.)
So what do I do? Here are a couple of examples: last May, I went alone into a wilderness area in the Southwestern US for three days. It was a mixed alpine / desert environment. I did not bring a tent, sleeping bag, or even very much food. Everything fit into a daypack. I relied on an old military surplus poncho, a big shirt, a wool cap, and a fire to keep warm at night.
My intention for this trip was as a self-guided vision quest, to fast for one whole day. So I only had a freeze-dried dinner for Saturday night and some breakfast fixings for Monday. In place of food, I drank a lot of water, but finding it proved a little more difficult than I had anticipated; I ended up crossing several streambeds before I found a tiny little spring. You can look up more about vision quests or vision fasts on the Internet.
Tomorrow morning, I'm going out for about a week and planning to fast for three days. I'm taking a tent and sleeping bag this time because I want to have the safety and comfort available, even if I don't use them. Besides, because of all the fires in California this summer, camp fires are banned for the rest of the season statewide.
Why do I do this?
When I was little, we lived on a little farm. My abuser lived across the road. I used to go to the very end of our property by myself. Looking back on it, I know why...more distance from him = safer. I did this a lot, and even though I now live far away, I still do it. I go for several walks a day to anyplace that gives me some distance from people and triggers. It's not that I don't like people; it's because I feel like I don't belong.
So that's one reason, but there are other and more important reasons: being in the wilderness with minimal gear strips away all the BS that is "civilization". You leave the world of deceit and betrayal behind. I see deceit all around me that's ingrained in the culture.
You also leave behind the mythology of the world's most abused word: "need". Out there with minimal gear, you get in touch with your inner animal. You have your clothes on your back, a knife, something to make fire with, something to carry water in, and little else. And that's really all you need. You're free. Take a look at any primitive society; they carry most of their possessions in their hands or maybe slung over their shoulder. And they are usually much happier than we are.
My experience has been that I become aware of more that's going on around me, like sound. I hear birds, the scurrying of the smaller four-leggeds, the occasional thump sounds from deer. I notice when birds stop singing. I hear rocks, big and small, as they come loose and fall down the mountainside. I hear water move and wind move through trees.
The things that normally trigger me are not there. No idiots. The only anxiety I get is about weather.
It's physically demanding at times and never comfortable. You can only sit on logs or rocks. Your heat comes from the sun, your clothes, the fire and the coolness from wind and shade. But the result is that you are a part of something much bigger than yourself; you're no longer separated from the real world by heaters, air conditioning, walls, and windows.
If you've never done this kind of thing before, it's important to understand that the solitude of being in the wilderness is very different from being alone in your room. In your room, there are other people in the next room, down the hall, down the street, or on the phone or internet. Out there, there may be no one for miles and there is no phone (usually) or internet. You definitely notice the difference and it can be frightening. If you're afraid of the bears and mountain lions, it's even worse.
You can deal with the fear. You can carry "bear spray" which is a jumbo-size can of pepper spray. It works effectively on grizzly bears, so it will work just fine on two-legged predators too. I don't want to get into a discussion about guns. Some people feel completely naked without them; others think its just extra weight. My recommendation is to at least carry bear spray. Your aim doesn't have to be so great, you won't face the possibility of hesitating when its time to act because pepper spray is not deadly. Fire is the other form of protection. It's been serving in that role since we first mastered it. It helps with the loneliness too.
I don't know that there is a solution to being lonely out there. It took me several trips to get used to it. Hope that inspires other PTSD sufferers to consider the healing power of nature.
First, what I often do in the wilderness will strike many people as a death-wish. I don't think it is any more dangerous than driving on the freeway or walking out to my car at quitting time. And while there are dangers, they are honest dangers. The mountain lion won't say "hey, come here, you gotta check this out, trust me." There's no deceit or abuse of trust in the wilderness.
Nevertheless, I have to say that I do this after many, many years of backcountry experience and both classroom and field training. Even with all that, I had a very tough trip a few years ago: thunder, lightning, and two days of rain, hail, snow, and wind. I ended up coming back early because Ma Nature kicked my ass so hard I had to unzip my pants to blow my nose.
So a word of caution: Do not venture out into the wilderness alone unless you know what you're doing. If you're interested in doing it, get the training first or at least start with this book: "98.6 Degrees: The Art of Keeping Your Ass Alive" by Cody Lundin. (And even though Lundin is on one of the TV survival shows, he'll be the first to point out that you're unlikely to learn much about wilderness survival from TV; take a class and practice what you learn.)
So what do I do? Here are a couple of examples: last May, I went alone into a wilderness area in the Southwestern US for three days. It was a mixed alpine / desert environment. I did not bring a tent, sleeping bag, or even very much food. Everything fit into a daypack. I relied on an old military surplus poncho, a big shirt, a wool cap, and a fire to keep warm at night.
My intention for this trip was as a self-guided vision quest, to fast for one whole day. So I only had a freeze-dried dinner for Saturday night and some breakfast fixings for Monday. In place of food, I drank a lot of water, but finding it proved a little more difficult than I had anticipated; I ended up crossing several streambeds before I found a tiny little spring. You can look up more about vision quests or vision fasts on the Internet.
Tomorrow morning, I'm going out for about a week and planning to fast for three days. I'm taking a tent and sleeping bag this time because I want to have the safety and comfort available, even if I don't use them. Besides, because of all the fires in California this summer, camp fires are banned for the rest of the season statewide.
Why do I do this?
When I was little, we lived on a little farm. My abuser lived across the road. I used to go to the very end of our property by myself. Looking back on it, I know why...more distance from him = safer. I did this a lot, and even though I now live far away, I still do it. I go for several walks a day to anyplace that gives me some distance from people and triggers. It's not that I don't like people; it's because I feel like I don't belong.
So that's one reason, but there are other and more important reasons: being in the wilderness with minimal gear strips away all the BS that is "civilization". You leave the world of deceit and betrayal behind. I see deceit all around me that's ingrained in the culture.
You also leave behind the mythology of the world's most abused word: "need". Out there with minimal gear, you get in touch with your inner animal. You have your clothes on your back, a knife, something to make fire with, something to carry water in, and little else. And that's really all you need. You're free. Take a look at any primitive society; they carry most of their possessions in their hands or maybe slung over their shoulder. And they are usually much happier than we are.
My experience has been that I become aware of more that's going on around me, like sound. I hear birds, the scurrying of the smaller four-leggeds, the occasional thump sounds from deer. I notice when birds stop singing. I hear rocks, big and small, as they come loose and fall down the mountainside. I hear water move and wind move through trees.
The things that normally trigger me are not there. No idiots. The only anxiety I get is about weather.
It's physically demanding at times and never comfortable. You can only sit on logs or rocks. Your heat comes from the sun, your clothes, the fire and the coolness from wind and shade. But the result is that you are a part of something much bigger than yourself; you're no longer separated from the real world by heaters, air conditioning, walls, and windows.
If you've never done this kind of thing before, it's important to understand that the solitude of being in the wilderness is very different from being alone in your room. In your room, there are other people in the next room, down the hall, down the street, or on the phone or internet. Out there, there may be no one for miles and there is no phone (usually) or internet. You definitely notice the difference and it can be frightening. If you're afraid of the bears and mountain lions, it's even worse.
You can deal with the fear. You can carry "bear spray" which is a jumbo-size can of pepper spray. It works effectively on grizzly bears, so it will work just fine on two-legged predators too. I don't want to get into a discussion about guns. Some people feel completely naked without them; others think its just extra weight. My recommendation is to at least carry bear spray. Your aim doesn't have to be so great, you won't face the possibility of hesitating when its time to act because pepper spray is not deadly. Fire is the other form of protection. It's been serving in that role since we first mastered it. It helps with the loneliness too.
I don't know that there is a solution to being lonely out there. It took me several trips to get used to it. Hope that inspires other PTSD sufferers to consider the healing power of nature.
