Sufferer Will It Ever Get Better? Trauma At Work

[Deleted member 1860]

Well think of it this way. The person who attacked you will be locked up in a psychiatric ward. This is hardly a "win" for him. Yes it may be a better psych ward, but at the same time it's a psych ward. I know this is likely hard to grasp as it doesn't appear that you've ever been inpatient, but I assure you that the loss of freedom sucks. Having no control over anything sucks.

I urge you to focus your energy on healing yourself. Focusing on him is a diversion and since you've already tried to get justice to no avail, it's time to practice some radical acceptance.

I wish you the best.

 

[psychology girl]

Hi 'scaredoflonely' thanks for the post. You are right, I have ever been an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital and I can only imagine how awful it must be to loose your freedom. And I sympathise with anyone who has ever been placed in that position. You are right in the sense that it is not a 'win' for him. I guess I really did not word it very well at all. I guess the best way to describe it for me is it feels unjust. My anger has never really been aimed at my attacker to be completely honest with you. I am angry at the hospital. I am angry that it was ever able to happen despite numerous warning signs and staff such as myself highlighting that he was not in the correct facility. I am angry that I have (or at least feel as if) I have lost everything.

The only anger that I really have towards the patient is he was supported and helped and given the correct care after he did what he did to me. Where was my support? But again, I suppose that blame lies at the hands of the hospital as well.

Sorry if I caused any offence.non was intended.

Psychology girl

 

[Rumors]

Sol,
Her reply about the perpetrator/criminal was in response to my questioning what happened to him. Not sure you read back to my post, however I don't think psych girl intended to delve into this guy except I asked.

I also believe in the value of people seeing things from their own perspective. I understand how PG could feel like the perpetrator received better care than she did which would leave harsh feelings. I imagine the animosity could build up given the guy committed a crime, then ends up with a better support system than the victim. As well, loosing his freedom in a hospital setting is a small price to pay for potentially killing someone. He should loose his freedom! He committed a horrible crime! Hell, he should be in jail. I, for one, don't feel sorry for this criminal. Loosing his freedom in a hospital given that he has taken so much away from PG is a small price to pay given that he will receive help for his ailment while PG is left to deal with it all on her own. Sucks!!!

PG, you shouldn't feel bad about having animosity for him. In fact, it is a win/win for him. Three square meals a day and all the mental health support he needs for beating the sh*t out of you??? You, however, are left jobless and with no support and dealing with it on your own. I would be pissed too! I understand he is ill, but it does seem terribly unfair. Take care of yourself!!

 

[The Albatross]

I quit long term care (I was a nurses aide) when to fill beds our facility administrator started taking psyche patients and giving them beds on our Alzheimer unit. Certified Nurse Assistants don't get a component in psych on their training. I had various times pulled a man off the smallest daytime aide, the RN and LPNs were afraid of him. Our state has a Baker Act and if he is a danger to others or himself he should have been Baker Acted before hurting somebody. It didn't take long for the patient to be obscured in the door ways, waiting to pounce on somebody. It was the most difficult time in all of my care giving. We consistently reported each incident and couldn't understand why our Admin wouldn't remove him. After several months, and my own attack, I went toe to toe with my Director of Nursing and our facility director.

Come to find out no hospital in his state (Alabama) would take him. He had viciously beaten a staff member in a hospital with a broom stick he'd gotten a hold of. My attack fortunately was not so severe, I was in the dining room clearing away meal trays and had removed him as soon as his meal was done because he was making verbal threats. As my back was turned to the open doorway he came behind me, putting both hands on my shoulders and he kneed me in the tail bone jamming my spine. My adrenaline was so high I didn't realize I was hurt til I had a day off. I ended up quitting that job and made sure that everybody knew it was insanity to mix psych patients with dementia or Alzeheimer's groups just because we had a closed unit.

I'm sorry that it happened. I know what it is like not only to be attacked, but to have no recourse with senior staff. By the time the client left our facility he had attacked 5 people. Though none but me were seriously hurt, the cost in stress uncompensateable (I don't think that's a word). My Alzheimer's clients were yelling during my attack but scared of him and it broke my heart to have them be so affected... they wanted to protect me. It upset me because they should never have had to see a thing like that. He was a paranoid schizophrenic.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Psychology Girl,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

I am not expert, but what I am going to share is just from someone who "has been there and done that". One of the first things I had to do was just accept the diagnosis and where I was at mentally. That didn't mean giving up or letting go of what I wanted to do. I just had to table things for a while with the understanding that getting better was the priority of the immediate future. Also, I had to understand that my response was a "normal reaction to an abnormal situation". It wasn't something I "did", nor was it some personal defect, as PTSD is just something that is.

The next step I had to take was to accept what happened. It didn't mean that I had to like it, forgive it, paint it with pretty colors, etc. but to understand at a rational level that it happened and nothing I could do would change it. Also, the emotions connected to it had to be sorted and they had to be validated by me. So if you are angry at the unfairness of the system that failed to respond appropriately to your injuries and trauma, then you are right to be angry.

Ultimately, I had to become as stable as I could be. For me it was the basics of eating right, sleeping, hydrating, exercising and reducing stress. Once I hit this point, then I could really start to benefit from therapy. I had to find a "set" point where I was able to really do the work that was required to manage the symptoms.

I hope you continue to find the information and support here helpful. I also hope that you find the combination of things that work for you that help you to heal.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[psychology girl]

Debbie that is great advice. I really appreciate it:-) I think I have spent so long trying to get back to who I was, I need to realise I will never be that person again. You are shaped by your experiences so there is no turning back. I need to try and move forward but I need to accept where I am now before I am ready to do that.

Rumours thanks for your support there:-) indeed I was replying to your post but I still haven't learnt how to use the 'quote' facility on here. You are right when you said I could have been killed. Staff spoke to him weeks after and he told them that that is what he intended to do. I am also lucky to still have my vision as he tried to take my eyes out my sockets. Nice huh? Still I am thankful I still have my sight and I am thankful that he is now in the correct care.



Albertross ,that is exactly what it is like over here in britain. Quite often there were patients with learning disabilities (in fact the patient who attacked me also had learning disabilities as well as schizophrenia) and dementia who frequented the wards I worked out of. The staff again were not trained to work with this type of patient leading to issues occuring with how to treat the patient.

I also know what you mean about feeling sorry for the patients who witnessed the attack. They in fact were given a debriefing and spent considerable time with the psychologists. I was pleased they were offered support but again it just reiterated to me how little any of the staff mean to the hospital.

If I do not reply to any messages over the next two days it is because I am attempting to get way on a small break. Im going to stay in a cottage in the devonshire countryside for lots of long walks! I don't know how I will cope with being away from my home but my therapist thought it might do me some good. Wish me luck!

 

[orchidbird]

Hiya, I just wanted to get back to you about benefits in the uk...I am here as well.

You may be able to claim ESA (employment support allowance), however, given the lovely job that our default government have done on the benefits system you will probably only receive it for 6 months before you are called for an assessment by the unqualified non medical assessors otherwise known as ATOS (the IT people). I'm sure you're aware of the horror stories. It's worth a shot.
There is also Jobseeker's Allowance but that will require you to be actively seeking work and to attend the job centre fortnightly to sign on. This in itself can be incredibly stressful and trigger all sorts of things.

I don't suppose you are member of a union? Or that you could pursue some kind of negligence claim through work? Again, incredibly stressful and difficult but possibly worth it.

I hope you have a lovely few days away.
Good luck and best wishes
Ob

 

[I Can Do This]

I hope you find your trip to Devonshire helps your nerves. Sometimes it is really helpful to have our routine interupted so we can't follow the same patterns.

What I think is really interesting is that you are so passionate about psychology - and I am too, and I will start my training in Somatic Experience therapy in May - but we have different conclusions about what works. You said you don't like mindfulness - why? Do you mind elaborating? I found it hugely helpful and it showed me that I was living in the past in my thoughts, rather than in the moment.

I also agree that CBT is wonderful therapy but I disagree that it can help with PTSD because it cannot affect the subconscious mind.

Have you noticed at all from your studies and experiences that the practices that work the best are closely related to Eastern philosophy? Just repackaged with western verbage so it isn't easily recognizable to the Judeo-Christian patients. I'm just curious about what your experience has been.

I think you have every chance of returning to what you love - I know that our wounds become our message when we heal, and thereby become our gifts to others. Your calling will be focused by this experience - not eliminated. :tup:

 

[psychology girl]

Hello all, just got back from a lovely weekend in Devon. Had a few issues going out in the evening because it was quite busy but I walked my miles and miles in the peeing rain along the beaches and it has done me a world of good!

'I can do this', thank you for your post. In answer to your question about mindfulness, although in principle it should work really well, I guess I am not that in tune with my body. I have never meditated and I think you really need to be able to do this well in order to benefit from mindfulness. It's a curse but I think too much. My therapist is always saying I need to concentrate on what I feel physically when I feel anxious but I really struggle with this and all I can do is 'think'. I am still trying with it but I guess it can't work for everyone.

In regards to my experience of psychology and its link to eastern philosophy I really can't comment on this as I do not know anything about eastern philosophy! My main experience I guess would be biopsychology when working psychosis and cultural/ social/environmental psychology when working with psychological conditions such as depression/ phobia and social anxieties. I'm not sure if this answers your questions??!

Orchidbird thanks for the advice on the benefits. I may try and look into it this week. And I'm going to try and set myself a weekly task to keep me busy/ distracted and see if this helps.

I hope everyone has had a great weekend.

Psychology girl.

 

[psychology girl]

Oh and Ob, I have in fact taken legal action against the trust. It was a decision I battled with for a long time but I decided on the advice of many people to go ahead with it. I did in fact win my case (they accepted liability straight away) but no settlement has been made yet because I don't know the extent of the longevity of my suffering. These things can take years so although yes there may be some financial help in the future that doesn't help my current situation!

Pg

 

[I Can Do This]

In answer to your question about mindfulness, although in principle it should work really well, I guess I am not that in tune with my body.

This makes perfect sense! I think most of us with PTSD could say we are not in tune with our body. I know I wasn't - my body was my enemy for quite a while. And that is why mindfulness helped me so much - it was the bridge to relating to my body because I truly was afraid of it. I kept hearing that memories are stored in the body and I didn't want to deal with it all. So I lived in "freeze" - hyper vigilant but yet dead to the world. Mindfulness was an un-threatening way for me to begin understanding that my body is not my enemy and that it is truly my best friend.

So I get that you are very cognitive and rational - I think that is pretty common in us. It is a rough bridge to cross but it is worth it.

If you are interested in the overlap between Eastern philosophy and western psychology a great book is The Wise Heart by Jack Kornfield. I found it all so fascinating and it led me to a spiritual breakthrough: Embrace Everything that happens in your life. It was made just for you.

BTW your picture is GORGEOUS!

 

[psychology girl]

Oh thanks I will check that book out. I love to read and learn and I have plenty of time on my hands so I will see if I can get hold of a copy. I think what is good about mindfulness is that your mind may disappear into the future and the past but your body has to stay in the present. I am currently working on reliving the experience which is so hard. The aim is to try and piece together all the pieces of the puzzle and try and process all the memories to make them just that. Memories. Rather than traumatic. My therapist is using mindfulness alongside this but I am finding it really hard. I am dreading this weeks session because I have reached a place in the story that I haven't spoken about since it happened. I can discuss the beginning and the aftermath. The actually attack itself is not so easy. I am a bugger for using avoidance techniques to stop myself from even thinking about it properly!

Anyone who has had cbt can you tell me how long it took for you to really start noticing a change in your emotional state???

Thanks for the photo comment (blushes)! Although I am not in a good place at the moment I decided to upload a photo of when I was at my happiest so that I can remember good memories and to remind myself that it is possible to be that happy. It is giving me something to aim towards:-)

Thanks again,

Much love,

Psychology girl