Winter Is Coming

[sugnim]

Ugh. Winter is coming. And it seems to want to come early this year. It's already dark and cold here, and we had several days of temps in the 60's this August. I'm dreading the long, dark season that takes up most of the year here in Montana, when the sun rises around 9:00 am and sets around 4:30 pm, and the thick layers of cloud and ice cover us all in ubiquitous gray.

I know this sounds like a really stupid thing to dread, but I truly am afraid of winter. Each year, my depression worsens in winter. Last year, I had a couple of episodes that found me alone with drugs and a gun, a blackness in my head. I can feel my head and my body tending that way again. I don't think I can accurately describe the feeling, but it's almost more of a physical sensation than a mood.

I don't want to take any medications for this. I used to weigh 279 pounds, and through exercise I got down to 135. I do not want to get fat again, and I am afraid that anti-depressants will do that to me. I feel like if I could just shake my head hard enough, this feeling would break a little.

 

[Friday]

Hate where I am for similar reasons... 10 months of 50 degrees, drizzle, damp, & grey. A month where it almost warms up, and a month where it almost gets cold. Essentially, it's just 10 months of nasty wet stormy Autumn & soaking wet and biserable Spring.

I get a reprieve, though... Or I'd have moved long ago. 6 of those 10 months, I can drive up the mountains above the rain line and get blue skies!!! And real sun. Sun. And snow. Lots and lots of snow. Bliss. So I've only got about 4 months a year of misery. Makes it tolerable.

I'm still going to be moving. Just waiting on custody to lapse when my kiddo hits 18 and I am the f*ck up outta this nasty cold damp drippy forest. :D

Montana winters are about as long as PacNW perpetual Spring/Fall. And since the weather is one of those things outside of our control... To me that begs the question: Why not move?

 

[watundah]

This is a good time to redirect your focus. Stay focused on a healthy weight with a gym membership, yoga classes or even a cooking class? Exercise and yoga specifically are scientifically proven to help alleviate stress and rewire the brain.

Any other indoor hobbies you could be passionate about? I am an artist but completely ditch any drawing board time in the summer because I just want to be outside. I look forward to the switch bit also have to focus on my weight as my activity level slows waaay down.

 

[Kailani]

I would move if you are miserable with the weather. I've heard it said, you are not a tree; so u can move. Unless there are extenuating circumstances. I grew up in bad weather and it was okay as a kid but as an adult always looking for and moving to the great weather. Found working out also great in the winter, taking classes in winter, painting, finding a winter sport like cross country skiing, horseshoeing, skiing, snowboarding...( the winter sports really seem to help my east coast friends) along with being musicians. Redecorating for winter to make things more cozy, I found fun.

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

I hate the winter but for very different reasons, I have real trouble controlling my body temperature so when I get cold, I stay cold no matter how many layers I'm wearing or hot drinks I have. The only way I can reset my core temperature is to get into a hot bath. I also have to put extra layers on the bedding (usually up to about 40tog) to stop me getting cold in the night.

If I have to go out for any length of time then I need to wear so many layers I look like the Michelin man.

And it doesn't even get that cold here!

 

[Gadgie]

Yea! I hate this time if year as well, the shorter days, the cold damp weather, ( which plays havoc with the arthritis in my back) in fact, everything about winter I just hate!

Last year I got myself one of those halogen light heaters, which gives off a lovely red glow, just like a coal fire, or a ray of Sunshine, it seems to cheer me up no end, and is not very expensive to run.

Depression is the first thing I can relate to winter, I've been told that I have SAD ( seasonal adjustment disorder) but winter time has always been a bad time for me, before they even told me that I had that SAD.

 

[sugnim]

Thanks, everyone, for your comments.

Moving is not as easy as just getting up and going. I have a house, a job, and a family here. I really like the area--there aren't a lot of people here, and there are a lot of opportunities to get outside. It's just the darkness that somehow seems to accentuate my darkness that I don't like.

I do things in winter; it's not as if I just sit inside until the thaw. I run, take my son for walks & hikes, play in multiple musical groups, cook, and, mostly, work. But all the while, there is this indescribable darkness in my head, and seemingly in my vision & outlook. A heaviness in my heart. A seething anger. These things are always there, honestly, but they seem to get worse in the winter.

Anyway, I don't really have a point or a question. I just thought I'd post this here. Thanks.

 

[Friday]

Well... If you end up with drugs & a gun again this year...

Moving really is that easy :) You scout areas you're interested in, find a job, lease your house, and move. I did it every 6-24 months for over 25 years. Moved my entire childhood, moved as a single adult, moved as a parent. Moving doesn't mean you'll never be back, or never see your friends and family, again. Heck, if you pick a vacation spot, the trouble can be seeing friends & family too much as everyone takes their vacation time down with you! I love my friends & family. But there are a helluva lot of them!

Not saying you should, although if you kill yourself rather than move that's just stupid /You miss out on everything by being dead, just that it's an option if tanning beds & SAD stuff just isn't cutting it. You have options.

So taking that you'd prefer to stay local... During what times, activities, etc. does the heavy descending doom of winter seem to lift most?

 

[Fadeaway]

@FridayJones , respectfully, I strongly disagree x100 about moving, having done it multiple times in the 3 or so years. I say this as i currently sit in a living room full of unpacked boxes.

@sugnim Having lived in Montana for a little over a year, my heart goes out to you. That was the year I never saw summer. Middle of July I was still waiting for temps to get high enough to defrost me from winter. Never happened.

 

[Ocean5]

I use to live in a similar type place for daylight time. My last winter there we went 6 or 7 weeks without seeing the sun because of overcast, snow, etc. Things that helped me were to fill my apartment with plants, and added additional bright lighting.

Have you tried a light therapy box? There is one called Lightphoria.

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

@FridayJones I solved the problem of the relatives dropping by when I moved to a vacation spot - I didn't given them my address!

I've done distance moves twice now, short moves my entries life. I think I move around so much as I don't take holidays and a change is as good as a rest, or so I keep being told.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I don't like late fall and winter. I have seasonal affective, so it is a very difficult few months to get through for me, especially when alone. Trying to emotionally brace for it already.