Wish Me Luck!

[Iam]

I have my therapy session at 3 pm this afternoon and am a bit anxious about it. We are going to start going over something more recent, which is my breakdown 9 years ago. He wants to start with that and work backwards. The one and only time I got emotional in therapy is when we touched on this. I am terrified of overwhelming emotions so this scares the begeebies out of me. I am going to do my best to be open, in touch with my feelings and be willing to show them. Aiyiyiyiyi!

I also need to ask him to send his notes to the EMDR psychologist I will be seeing for the first time on Oct 5th. He and I decided together that I should do this. My issues are much deeper than either of us thought when I first started, heck for the first 6 months, that I first started seeing him. I am going to tell him that this is his "out", that if my issues are more than he wants to handle he can tell me. I know he is capable of helping me.....it's just that I think I turned out to be more than he bargained for. Since he feels I have abandonment issues I think he would be afraid to suggest that I go to someone else. This will be his chance and I hope he will be honest with me. Of course all of this could be my paranoid issues with abandonment that I don't recognize I have! Am I twisted or what LOL!

 

[Jawn]

Good luck Iam. You will be in my thoughts this afternoon. From what you have shared about your T in the past, I think he will stick with you.

Jawn

 

[intothelight]

Hi I Am,

Hang in there. I think it is encouraging that he is sending you to an EDMR specialist, but I don't think he will have to discontinue treating you for the rest of your therapy. But it is a good thing you are giving him an out if he is honestly not capable of helping you get better.

ITL

 

[Iam]

Thanks you Jawn and ITL. It went well. No he doesn't want to stop seeing me. He says that EMDR is just a piece of therapy that he thinks will help, but is not the end all, be all. He thinks the other good thing about it is that the specialist is a woman which should help me overcome my feeling of women in authority (the therapist is automatically put into a position of authority in the clients mind...) I agree with him. He still wants to be my primary therapist working on the other issues. So yeah....it's all good ;o) Thanks for your thoughts and prayers ;o)

 

[seedling]

Iam, glad things worked out well for you this week. Sounds like you have a great team in the making.

My appt today went well too, am too wound up to type about it now. Will add to my thread later.

Glad to hear things are well with you.

 

[AdamAnt]

I'm glad it went well Iam...a good sign that you're healing being by able to tackle what you couldn't handle before! You're stronger! And you will keep getting stronger!!

 

[Iam]

Thanks Seedling and AdamAnt. Yes there is progress.....it is hard to see it sometimes in light of the pain and anxiety that the therapy causes, but I certainly am able to talk about things a little easier with my T. The biggest progress will be when I can actually access my feelings when talking with him instead of just when I am at home. That will come though I am sure.....can't say I am looking forward to it, but that is my goal!

I am actually kind of stoked about one thing. He is a christian counselor and we've decided to tackle my crisis in faith. I am really hoping he can help me work thru it!

Seedling, I understand. I rarely want to talk about my session right afterwards. In fact it usually takes me 2 or 3 days to digest everything to even be able to put words to it. Seems that is pretty common and I think means that some important things were touched on during the session. I am glad it went well for you!

 

[Iam]

Ahhh man....I am sooo freakin stupid. Last night I couldn't sleep. Stayed up all night and still am having major anxiety over my T talking to the EMDR Pysch specialist that I will be seeing in Oct. Not even sure that this conversation will happen and I am freaking out. The specialist asked me to have my T mail her his notes, which are quite extensive considering I have been going to him for a year. When I asked him to do so he kind of laughed because his handwriting is hard to read and because my file is so thick. He was thinking maybe it would be best if he wrote up a summary. I told him I would like a copy of whatever he sent. He ended up deciding to make copies of all of his notes for both the specialist and myself. He said he would tell her to call him if she had any questions and that he would give her a verbal summary. So WHY does this freak me out so much? I mean, I should be encouraging them to coordinate my care right? I signed the release, but really want to know what is said about me. God, it just makes me feel so out of control and conspired against. I KNOW they are conspiring ON MY BEHALF.....but IDK.... just hate the thought of my T telling her how SCREWED UP I am before I even meet her. GAH! Plus.....HOW SCREWED UP DOES HE THINK I AM? Double GAH!

 

[Jawn]

Hang in there Iam. I am sure most of his notes are very clinical in nature and there won't be one that says "she's THIS screwed up". ;-) I'm sure the EMDR person will read them and then will have some idea about you and what you have been through. Also what your T has done and why he thinks you need the EMDR. The notes and summary will help her to zero in on where the EMDR will have the most benefit for you.

Hang in there so your new "team" can help you keep getting better.

Jawn

 

[Iam]

Thanks Jawn. I do realize this is my "team" and I like what I have read about this psychologist. She's not only certified but will have just come back from and EMDR national conference. She is up to date on all current the neuro science stuff that is coming out and she is a christian (for me that is important.) I reacted the same way a couple of weeks ago when I thought my T was going to call my primary physician before my physical. Stupid, I know....actually, more paranoid than anything. I am pushing thru, but will let him know how I am feeling only because it needs to part of my therapy as it is revealing about me. DOH!

 

[seedling]

Yes, the paranoia. Another aspect that can make it hard to deal with your own care.

You are handling this brilliantly though, despite the feelings about their communication. Jawn was really right on.

What are they putting down as they scribble away anyway??......... (don't forget to get milk on the way home:) )

Take care, breathe and breathe some more.

 

[Iam]

What Do They Write About Us?

What are they putting down as they scribble away anyway??......... (don't forget to get milk on the way home:) )

Haha...That really made me laugh Seedling! :rofl: