Relationship Wishy Washy Or A Part Of Ptsd?

[knj2015]

I don't want to blame any of his actions on PTSD, but it sure helps. I've heard he's always been a bit wishy washy. But posts that I read on here mirror my life! We have been together over 2 years now. I don't know how many times he has left to get space. We have kept contact during those times (mostly) but usually just through chat/text. After things settle, he comes back and we resume. This time is so much harder since we were living together. He seems wishy washy because during this time, he doesn't know if he just wants to be alone or with me. I don't know how many times I've heard he could just be alone. Yet he loves me. It can get rather confusing. I support him whole-heartedly and see the good in him. But these times sure do hurt. I just wish he could go through all of this without leaving. I really don't want to come home to find him moved out more than once in our life together. He's afraid of committment. Not only does he have combat PTSD, but I'm pretty sure he does from his ex. She was very mentally abusive. Can someone with PTSD have a less dramatic (for lack of a better word) life?

 

[TheMinsterman]

Mixed messages has been one of the hardest elements for me to cope with personally, my "sufferer" often contradicts herself repeatedly. For example:

She doesn't feel like I love her or I care, but she doesn't feel comfortable or able to listen to me express myself.

She hates been treated like she is fragile, but yet she routinely uses "I can't deal with this right now" to avoid topics she doesn't wish to talk about.

She "isn't into this right now" and just needs a friend, yet at the same time doesn't tell people we've split up, keeps saying she's missing a piece without me, there is a gap in her life etc.

She wants to be left alone, but if I leave her alone she then decides it's because I am not interested any more and gone off for a better life.

It honestly makes it hard to know what to do for the best, perhaps a sufferer could confirm this but I have guessed maybe this is because whether they are expressing at the time they feel very intensely, but these can often change so come across to us as constantly changing their minds? I might be 100% wrong there so don't take it as gospel.

 

[knj2015]

It does feel like he constantly changes his mind. It's hard to keep up with at times. It's also hard to know which to believe. I guess he is still here. Even though he moved out, he's been in contact and tells me he loves me. He tells me I deserve so much better no matter how many times I tell him he is good enough. He told me he loves me with all of his heart and I have his heart but when he's in his "fog" (that's what I call it), he doesn't remember saying that. He's good with being alone. I just don't understand why he can't deal with what is overwhelming him without pulling away and putting the walls up. He tries to help me get it.

 

[Esterio]

I don't want to blame any of his actions on PTSD, but it sure helps. I've heard he's always been a bit...

Thanks for the post.
Everything you describe in your post is real at least it is to me. This place is a mirror most people here understand ptsd because we live it everyday. My wife and supporter thought that she could fix me and make everything better and go back to better times.The more she tried to help the more it pushed me to isolate. I don't know what the answer is but I know space to isolate was really important.
Sometimes before she come home I would go a lay in the closet hoping that I could continue work through what ever was going on and just be alone to do that. When she discovered what I was doing and would come directly to the closet. I started to leave home and drive to the bush at the back of our ranch at first then I started to go further and stay there till I could go home again.
Then I couldn't go home anymore. Our marriage ended not because of anything she did or said. I got too sick and worse with therapy and broke down. My neck had started to fall apart a couple of years before all of this. I think that is what triggered all those hard times and caused me to break down and EVERYTHING FROM MY PAST CAME FORWARD LIKE A STEAM ROLLER. I was a hard working man and a good provider before all of this came on me. It was I needed to be on my own and able to isolate. If I couldn't handle my own life surely no one else could. I really couldn't have someone trying to change things on me as I didn't know what needed to change. Someone else starting to try and make all my decisions for me.
This is the way I felt things were but they may have been different, I was having a lot of strange thoughts. I had started to feel like I was an outsider in my own home. It was 2000 when I didn't go back. it took me along time to come out of the bush. I moved back to my home town. Life is no easier now than it was then I guess worse as my neck let go and so now I am physically disabled so I don't get much activity any more.
Thats the way it was for me at time I wonder if anything is true or real anymore. I was diagnose 1998 or 99 with PTSD and depression. I started back into therapy realizing that I can't go through this on my own any more but I can't go around people so it is hard just going. I seem to go for long periods of time i'm ok and then something triggers and here we go again. This time I have been having a bad time since I broke down last September. I now have been told I have cPTSD. This is just my thoughts I hope you can get something to take away from them.
Peace be safe

 

[knj2015]

I'm sorry to hear. As a supporter, that breaks my heart too. I told him if he needed space to just close the bedroom door and I'd leave him alone. He's bad at communication so I had no idea he was breaking down again. I don't want to fix him, I just want to learn how to live together with it. I told him if he needed to go on drives or stay at his parents or where ever he felt comfortable to do it. Of course this was after he moved out. He never completely isolates. We've had the best honest, open conversations that we ever had in the past 2 days.

 

[Mytime]

You say he leaves because he needs space. Do you give him space at home or do you try and help him?

 

[Esterio]

I'm sorry to hear. As a supporter, that breaks my heart too. I told him if he needed space to just cl...

Thanks for the post.

Probably one the hardest parts was trying to communicate. I don't know if you have ever had the occasion to tell some one you have a mental illness. it is the most demeaning thing I have had to do. As mental illness cares with it a stigma that you are broken and week. That is far from the truth some of the strongest people I know have mental illness and I am finding that the people I meet here while they have broken they are still the strongest people I know they are survivors.
I felt like I was not being heard at all. People started to talk over me so I with drew I stopped talking unless I absolutely had too. I think the mistake was her trying to fix me but we didn't work together she started to do things and make decisions for me so it didn't work. 20/20 hindsight maybe if she had just tried to live with me and PTSD things maybe could have been different. I think travelling with it would be easier than trying to fix. That needs to be a professional that is well trained in the treatment of PTSD.
I have not found any one that doesn't have PTSD that can understand why I am the way I am. It took 17 years of traumas to get me here, I'm sure it is going to take lots of time to understand myself why I am this way. Going along the path of least friction right now that is isolation. I think is the best way for me to get along. That is my thoughts anyhow. Good luck on your journey. Feel free to ask me anything if I feel i have something constructive to say I will.
Peace be safe

 

[knj2015]

Thanks for the post.

Probably one the hardest parts was trying to communicate. I don't know if you...

Thank-you again. I get the stigma of mental illness. I have depression and it really took hold of me a couple of years ago. I ended up losing two jobs in 6 months because I couldn't get out of it. Employers really don't care if you have a mental illness that affects your job sometimes :-/

 

[Esterio]

I'm sorry to hear. As a supporter, that breaks my heart too. I told him if he needed space to just cl...

you have the right Idea try to live with it and give him space to try and work it out. Does he go to regular therapy session? I reeky think that is key. I wish at times that I had someone to take me but I don't, I really don't know how a session would go with someone else there. if the were totally none judgemental it maybe nice and them maybe they would understand. That would take a lot of trust which is usually in short supply.
Peace be safe

 

[Esterio]

Thank-you again. I get the stigma of mental illness. I have depression and it really took hold of me...

i really seems at times no one cares about someone with a mental illness they usually keep their distance from you. your are crazy and could do anything. Maybe if we were given the chance we could love and live again. I like your attitude I wish you and your suffer a lot of peace and good will.
Peace be safe

 

[knj2015]

I'm really trying and this forum as helped me to keep my peace during all of this. He goes to the VA often and has another therapist that he sees too. I have asked to go with him but he blows it off.

 

[Esterio]

I'm really trying and this forum as helped me to keep my peace during all of this. He goes to the VA o...

lLke I said it would be nice to have someone there. in those sessions I know for me they do get pretty raw and for me to have someone i love with me I'm not sure how it would go. I myself would want it to go good as then maybe there could be an opening to talk more when not in therapy. maybe a window to look though to see where we are at. Peace be safe