Woke up scratching my neck...

[SeekingAfrica]

...and it took me like ...3 hours to get myself up and moving, I'm really scared of how I'll catch up to my day now. This is getting out of hand.

I have had nightmares regularly and my sleep is kind of uneven a lot, but I rarely actually move in my sleep anymore, which is good. In the past I once almost kicked my ex boyfriend out of bed(he wasn't an ex then).

Tonight I was dreaming that I was passing through crowded protest in the center of the city with a friend. The space was so tight that people were brushing against each other as passing, which was already uncomfortable. And then as one guy passed by us, he pressed me against the wall and he was choking me a bit, and then he let go and he was laughing. We kept moving and I started crying. And when I woke up I was pressing my fingers into my throat and scratching. I couldn't shake off the feeling or get myself to get up at all, I've been laying wrapped up in a blanket until now and had to watch things on my laptop until I shake that feeling that everything is far and unfamiliar while the dream is vivid and close. I don't know what to do, it's becoming increasingly harder to wake up early whatsoever. May be I should flip my work schedule for few weeks so I don't feel so guilty, and start work after noon. I work for myself so I could do that...Today though...not sure how I'll catch up. It doesn't sound like such a scary dream, I know, but it lingered for so long:(

 

[The Albatross]

Emotional regulation: Emotional Regulation Systems | Psychology Tools

For Child Abuse Survivors: Emotional Regulation From Trauma University... last post on this topic.

At some point, I think it would be immensely beneficial for you so acquire the skills/tools you need to regulate and manage/maintain your base emotional state rather than rely on others via relying on distraction. It wasn't fun, but it was consistently impressed on me in recovery circles via "suggestion" and they were not wrong.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

For Child Abuse Survivors: Emotional Regulation From Tr...

I will watch this and I'm sure it will be useful. Just as the reminded for the emotional regulation systems is.
But I disagree. There is no place where I said I'll use distraction forever. But when I'm in panic state I don't process new information very well and can't concentrate much. So I'm just trying to get myself to a place where I can. Even that video that you sent feels impossible to watch right now. So I need to get to possible. I know you are trying to help and you always have great ideas, but right now you sound like you're trying to say "snap out of it"...that kind of works the opposite on me. Any regulation has to be done when I'm not quite as panicky as now, I feel like everything is setting me off today.

 

[The Albatross]

I didn't say forever, I didn't even say there is a trend (though there is one). That is you. Real reliance comes from self. It comes from acquiring self efficacy, autonomy, self regulation/maintenance.

I am not saying "snap out of it", you are. I AM saying, you're trending use of distraction and stress posting is a signal for you to take action. What do YOU have to do to balance and what habits to you need to acquire to free yourself from being locked in to a non-beneficial stress/anxiety/panic cycle?

You though are also right that you'll deal with it when you're ready... not before. So I'll quit rescuing.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I didn't say forever, I didn't even say there is a trend (though there is one). That is you. Rea...

Sorry. Protective mode. Not ready at this moment. Trying to get there.

 

[The Albatross]

This situation in these last couple posts would be a big clue as to how you let your own perceptions and self talk affect your reality.