Relationship Woman In Canada

[Chris516]

Just like I thought would happen. It happened again. My online friend contacted me on Yahoo Messenger. But when I told her I might be getting married, she immediately got quiet, and hasn't said anything since.

 

[digger]

Erm....weren't you saying not very long ago that you were considering a relationship with this woman in Canada? Perhaps she's feeling a bit messed around by you?

 

[digger]

@bell, I know, I want a relationship with her. Even with her PTSD(and potential NPD).

Seems like quite a leap from this to maybe getting married to someone else.

 

[Chris516]

Erm....weren't you saying not very long ago that you were considering a relationship with this woman in Canada? Perhaps she's feeling a bit messed around by you?

I did say that. But she still has an 'allegiance' to her fiance. She has not broken up with him. She only separated from him.

Also, I am not the one who keeps cutting off communication, then accusing the other person of ignoring them.

 

[Chris516]

Seems like quite a leap from this to maybe getting married to someone else.

If I remember correctly, thinking back to several years ago. She had said to me, something about being easy to talk to. That I have never been combative(blocking her on Yahoo Messenger, or getting angry with her on Yahoo Voice) with her.

 

[Echo]

@Chris516 - if you want to be fair to your new lady love, I would suggest you stop entertaining ideas about having a relationship with this woman in Canada. It is hard for us to fathom that within the space of a fortnight, you have decided to marry someone else after all you have said about your friend.

I am not surprised your friend is upset with you. You are really giving out mixed messages, despite repeatedly holding that against your friend. You seem to be playing with her emotions. And although you say she has been angry with you, is it possible that she sees your behaviour as passive-aggressive?

I believe it would help if you were clear-cut about all this. If you wish to continue communication with this woman in Canada despite your new relationship, then you need to forget any thought about romantic notions about her, and make it clear to yourself and her that this is a friendship. Then act like a friend, rather than constantly trying to find out if she fancies you. When someone has PTSD, they are dealing with a high level of anxiety. Messing around with someone's emotions is very much anxiety-producing. Maybe your friend has been fishing, too, to find out how you feel about her. Though from what you have reported about her behaviour, it doesn't appear so. But we only have what you say. Maybe you'd be both better off out of each other's lives, so you can concentrate on the real-life relationships you have.

 

[bell]

Wow. I am just as confused as everyone else here. To me you're being selfish and unfair to both women, both this one in Canada and the new one you're thinking about marrying.

 

[Justmehere]

I would be more concerned if she didn't back up at all, especially with how close the relationship with her has been. Women get leary of having close friendships with married men! This is especially true if there was any chance of the relationship with that guy being more than platonic... I think it could even be a sign of her respecting that you have a romantic and serious relationship with someone else, and marriage closes the door of anything with her. Your friend respects the importance and weight of marriage.

You seemed to expect she would respond this way.... At least you know she has a history of suddenly cutting off contact and backing up.

Did you want a different outcome?

 

[Justmehere]

Ps - is ok if you did want a different outcome, and it's ok if you did want space from her too... I imagine that either way, it is painful. I just hope you can see the mixed message you are giving.

Relationships are messy. PTSD tends to make consistency in relationships harder and all the more essential. It sounds like you are trying to sort out what you want and what you want to do in more than one relationship. I suggest with her, you try to figure it out and do all you can to be steady and consistent with what you want, whatever that is. If you can't do that right now, that's ok. It's not great, but we all can only do what we can do. You have to accept she isn't going to be consistently close right now herself.

 

[scout86]

Chris, I honestly haven't followed your ongoing sage that closely, so I was surprised to hear you're thinking about getting married. I hope you and your potential spouse know each other well and respect and trust each other, so you can go on to have a successful marriage, if that's what happens.

But, what the heck is the point of this post? You just wanted everyone to know she did what you thought she was going to do???? And, were you surprised at her reaction? Are we supposed to be surprised? I'm kind of wondering if you're not playing games with more people than just her.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Nail in coffin of friendship.