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Relationship Won’t let me go

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@Butterfly64 ... I’m feeling not ready than ever to walk away. Before I would never have considered it, I would have done whatever he said but recently I’ve been the one initiating these painful conversations. He says he wouldn’t like the fact I’m dating other people or seeing anyone but he’d have to accept it and be happy for me. DAMN IT MAN JUST BE WITH ME.

I know it needs to end, I know this I just have to do it. I also know I’ll be completely fine in time and I also know there’s more people out there.

We go to the same training group and he lives 10 mins from me so the whole not seeing him will be tricky I feel :(

I already said I’ll train in a morning and his response was ‘don’t be silly we can still train together’ - NO WE BLOODY CANT.

Ugh ugh ugh

hes Just not ready to work through his PTSD while being in a relationship and that’s not something I can change!!
You are getting ready to leave...slowly, but surely. My guy and I were neighbors 5,5 years until he moved out end January...that has helped me a lot...so you seeing him every day...damn...not helping! He will not end this...just like my guy...they will hang on to us...but...this is me letting go! Do some soul searching...maybe you need to let go as well...and still being friends...nahh..then you fall right back in. You have to be the rational one here??? It ain’t easy, but I’m here for you ❤️
 
because he can’t do it by himself because of his scatty nature. He needs me.

He needs to exploit you, you mean?

... I don’t think a woman of your talents needs to be earning money for someone who will just use her, with nothing but temporary good feelings in exchange for it.

You don’t have to sacrifice your life and bend your schedules for some random guy you have known for quite a bit.
 
TRIGGERED!!!!

Gymfanatic I understand very well what you are going through. Please know this is coming from a supportive, loving place. I have experienced a similar relationship and I know that you will only regret any decision that involves maintaining a relationship with this person. "Just friends" does NOT work. Any business arrangement makes me worried that you will be financially abused in addition to suffering the abuse you already have. Another day in this turmoil is a wasted day of your life. You will only set yourself up for a whole world of hurt (beyond what you have already experienced) trying to have any type of relationship with this man.

Value yourself.
Love yourself.
Forgive yourself.
Put yourself first.

I urge you to get out and go no contact. Seriously….NO. CONTACT. None. I know it won't be easy. It will be torture (it WILL pass), but the better you are at eliminating him from your life the faster you will get over this devaluing and damaging relationship.

Peace
 
Hello All,

Sorry for the radio silence, been a rocky few days!

We met up to chat about my feelings and how I’ve been the past week or so. We were very honest about how we felt - I hope. A lot came out about his fears of hurting me if we were in a relationship, he said he sometimes needs to get away from everyone and if he isolated that’s not fair on me and he doesn’t want to hurt me. He said he will push me away at certain points because of PTSD and he knows sometimes what he’s thinking isn’t logically but he can’t control it. He also touched on the fact that as a child he was around a lot of unhappy relationships which has dampened his view on love. Yet he said he did love me and is so torn between doing what’s best for me or what he feels he wants.

We agreed that we would see how things go over the next few months - he’s yet to have a PTSD wobble these last four months so we haven’t experienced it in full flow when we’re in this intense friendship.

Not sure what you all think but it was a bit of progress for me. He’s also booked into see a life coach which is realllyyyy good.

It’s worth noting that he’s actually very financially independent and has a lot more money than me. The business partners was more a gesture as I’m helping him in this beginning process and he didn’t want me to put in the effort without getting anything out.

X
 
TRIGGERED!!!!

Gymfanatic I understand very well what you are going through. Please know this is coming from a supportive, loving place. I have experienced a similar relationship and I know that you will only regret any decision that involves maintaining a relationship with this person. "Just friends" does NOT work. Any business arrangement makes me worried that you will be financially abused in addition to suffering the abuse you already have. Another day in this turmoil is a wasted day of your life. You will only set yourself up for a whole world of hurt (beyond what you have already experienced) trying to have any type of relationship with this man.

Value yourself.
Love yourself.
Forgive yourself.
Put yourself first.

I urge you to get out and go no contact. Seriously….NO. CONTACT. None. I know it won't be easy. It will be torture (it WILL pass), but the better you are at eliminating him from your life the faster you will get over this devaluing and damaging relationship.

Peace
Amen to that! And why is it so difficult to let go?! When deep down you know that it is not likely to turn out well. I was beginning to move on. Had not seen my guy for 24 days. Had said no 4 times to hook up again. So Monday I visited him...just for coffee...I wanted to see, if I could see him and hopefully feel that this is over...because my head knows it is over. Big mistake! I swear...if he had tried to kiss me, I would have given in. These 24 days without him have been good for me...still missed him, but I was gradually moving on. Seeing him Monday has not changed the fact that I know he is no good for me, that I don’t want him unless he goes to therapy......and I am still in a better state than 24 days ago...but some of the familier thoughts have crept back in my mind; he is crazy about me...it could work out. But it can’t. I know I can’t see him again at all...but I have known him for 6 years...how can I never see him again.

Hello All,

Sorry for the radio silence, been a rocky few days!

We met up to chat about my feelings and how I’ve been the past week or so. We were very honest about how we felt - I hope. A lot came out about his fears of hurting me if we were in a relationship, he said he sometimes needs to get away from everyone and if he isolated that’s not fair on me and he doesn’t want to hurt me. He said he will push me away at certain points because of PTSD and he knows sometimes what he’s thinking isn’t logically but he can’t control it. He also touched on the fact that as a child he was around a lot of unhappy relationships which has dampened his view on love. Yet he said he did love me and is so torn between doing what’s best for me or what he feels he wants.

We agreed that we would see how things go over the next few months - he’s yet to have a PTSD wobble these last four months so we haven’t experienced it in full flow when we’re in this intense friendship.

Not sure what you all think but it was a bit of progress for me. He’s also booked into see a life coach which is realllyyyy good.

It’s worth noting that he’s actually very financially independent and has a lot more money than me. The business partners was more a gesture as I’m helping him in this beginning process and he didn’t want me to put in the effort without getting anything out.

X
You do what you got to do....as long as it feels good. You are not ready to let him go. Fingers crossed! At least he sounds more willing to communicate than my guy...which is good!
 
The first part of this sounded like my ex and myself. Minus the abortion. He had an affair while with me. I finally left. I am the PTSD sufferer in this story. He said that he was gonna make it work with this woman he was cheating with. The hardest thing I had to do in my life was leave him. It was very hard. But, he was abusive. Emotionally and physically.

Years later he friends me on Facebook. Persistant as f*ck. Said he was single. Had broke it off with the woman he cheated with. Appologized and got all lovey. Said he had learned everything he did wrong. Appoologized for hurting me and basically love-talked me into getting back with him. Except, he was just as abusive. Just much as an asshole. And I was in therapy and knew better. It took a week for me to see he had not changed one bit. And I left and blocked his number, his facebook page and all of his family and friend's facebook pages that he was using to try to continue talking to me.

Why do you think you deserve someone like him?
 
Hey, I read your story. This will probably sound harsh so apologies in advance. He probably has 2 other women on the side that he's telling the exact same things to. He's roped you in and keeps you available with his whole "I have PTSD. Feel sorry for me." crap.
He doesn't want to commit. That's why he won't commit. Even having a friendship with him is a bad idea. Let him go.
 
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