Words That Make You Cringe And/or Push Up Your Symptoms?

[Abstract]

Looks like I am really going to have to stop saying, "you poor thing"! :wideeyed::oops:

Zaniara, wishing right now English wasn't my first language either! The trauma T I had was a hardline with this stuff but realistically I we have to take it a small step at a time. Being on the forum and seeing a lot of these words a lot has helped take some of mine down a small amount as much as I didn't appreciate it at the time.

 

[zaniara]

@Abstract yes, I guess babysteps are the best thing to use to overcome difficult stuff. I have been very good at doing too much/pushing too hard and then end up being shut down and moving backwards, so babysteps it is.. sigh. Won't say "poor thing" to you either ;) - but I can't imagine reading all this in my own language. But when I write about stuff in English it gets a tad easier to later actually talk to my therapist about it. (but then again I never say any details.. Yet at least. :nailbiting: )

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@Muse,

I took two years of Spanish in high school. I remember this guy who used to bother me all the time. I think it was a crush sort of thing. My teacher would always tell him "No molestas Elisa!" (Elisa was my Spanish name.) I knew she was saying "Don't bother Elisa" but it really stuck with me that molestas was just the word for bother.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

When someone says I'm "illogical" I want to punch them in the face!

No, my fear isn't logical. I'd even wager that for most of us, illogical thoughts and feelings are a struggle. If we could logically manage all of our feelings, would PTSD even exist? I mean it's fear based, and even though most of us are safe NOW, our minds say we aren't. Wouldn't this concept fall under the umbrella of illogical thought?

 

[maddog]

"Entitlement" or "entitled" is intolerable for me - the concept more so than the word, but it is the word by association. It actually makes me feel a surge of red hot anger/distress (a confusing combination of both) when someone says it to me. I know that part of the reason for this is my inability to accept that I am "entitled" to anything, mixed with the intolerable injustice of all of the things I was "entitled" to receive, but never did. Somehow, as a result, I just can't accept that I am entitled to anything now, as though it disrespects or invalidates the entitlements that I never received. Yes, this is confusing and twisted logic, made even more confusing by my almost pathological hatred of those who seem to ooze a sense of being "entitled" to things, in that narcissistic way.

When I first did schema therapy, "entitlement" was almost the only maladaptive schema I didn't fit into.

My therapist is aware of the words that make me flinch or cringe, and I know that he gently but firmly persists in using them at different times, no doubt for the desensitisation effect others have mentioned. I can accept this in theory and presume it to be good for me, but it is certainly uncomfortable and stressful and I'm glad he tends to pick his moments well based on whether or not I'm likely to be able to handle it at the time.

It's amazing how much I can separate myself from myself even in relation to these words though. I used to be involved in training police in the forensic interviewing of child victims, and as you can imagine, the ability to comfortably say and refer to body parts and every manner of sexual words, was a fundamental requirement. I could do this without turning a hair. But to this day, I cannot mention my own body in such a way, or directly reference anything done to me if it requires use of such words. It is shocking how much the two processes feel completely different in my mind.

Maddog

 

[Powder]

@maddog: I didn't know you worked in training police for that. Thank you for doing that. Maybe it did some real good. I appreciate that very much. You are a hero to me, as are all police and investigators who try to get justice for victims, especially child victims. Thank you!!!

I am not sure and conflicted about whether or not to report my Dad's sexual abuse to police. My sibs are still entrenched in structural dissociation, partial amnesia, and denial. They are still trying to win our parents' illusive/non-existent approval. :( So, I won't be getting any corroboration from them for some time, if ever.

I am also conflicting in filing as the lawyer who I hired to write our wills said that probably nothing would happen and yet I would be dropped from the family will. In purely utilitarian and economic terms, it is a losing bet, he said.

I have not had too many conversations with lawyers in which I felt they understood that I want a body that is not in pain or a certain peace of mind or quality of life. They always think that the money talks and that's it. Sigh. I can't deny their logic, but they can't see the emotions.

I still don't know what to do and the statute of limitations is almost up.

 

[maddog]

I'm sorry Muse, I wish there was an answer, or a path ahead that wasn't lined with risks and further pain. Obviously the decision to go to the police or not is an individual one, for everyone, based on a thousand factors and then some. Yes, it is very very difficult without corroborating witnesses, and in the absence of anyone to potentially fill in the gaps left by your siblings, there is no doubt this is an enormous challenge.

You're right. Professionals notoriously speak only the language of their trade. Lawyers talk money, police talk prosecution... and we talk about life. It feels, as you say, as though nobody can really understand that.

In the end, it's all about finding the greatest slice of peace we can, however that looks, and whether that involves outside professionals and processes or not. The path to that peace is one we might only recognize in hindsight. Wishing you all the best.

Maddog

 

[Candleflames]

@Muse Can you put together the info that you do have as if you plan to file charges and then decide later? Just a thought but maybe having the stories laid out before you might give you a different, maybe even a more distant, perspective.

 

[Candleflames]

I was confronted with a whole group of words that really push me over the edge. I paid my dues and called family to wish them a happy thanksgiving. I spent a good, meaning more than 10 mins, amount of time on the phone with my dad. He used a few racial slurs, called my sister's boyfriend "it" and then justified himself when I called him out on his racism.

I am completely mortified and disgusted that my family is racist, homophobic and antisemitic. They are blatantly this way as well, except for my one sister. It makes me sick to think that this is what I come from. That this is the environment that I grew up in. I am more ashamed to admit this one thing than to tell people that I used to get beat. I'm torn about whether or not I want to actually post this response.

When I hear these words I'm likely to fly off the handle. I did that with my dad on the phone. It turned into a huge argument as he just as ferociously defended his right to be such an asshole. At this point I want to pull my sister and her boyfriend aside and tell them to make a run for it.

 

[Woof]

The words that send me into a RAGE are :

"GET OVER IT".

I absolutely loose my mind. With the exception off my instinctual need to ATTACK, there is no other thought/concept in my head. These words are the ultimate statement of dismissal. Sadly, these same words come from well intentioned people from time to time....they simply dont always have the right words or to know the words they feel compelled to speak.

Whats not understood is that I interpret the words in such a a way that my first thoughts are: "And you think I would have NOT gotten over it, if that was an option? Do you think I am stupid?"

I haven't heard those words to my face in some time now. Which is good, as I tend to flare up without hesitation. There is no question in peoples mind as to how I feel. Exploding in front of a well intentioned person is...well, to me is an awful experience. It's like backing up over a cat...just awful. On the other hand.....

If someone is actively and willfully dismissing my experience, as if to say "I don't believe you" or ""It wasn't that bad". I will unleash a fury! When I read this words the impact is much more difficult for me. The absolute worst I can do is enable my CAPs LOCK button. It just isnt as satisfying as seeing someone physically back down. Then I am stuck for sometimes days with a seething rage, looking for an opportunity to explode. 95% of the time I will react/respond with both barrels. When I hear/read those words from one who endured the same experience/situation as I did, I become incensed! My RAGE I mentioned earlier was target at the ignorant. Someone who witnessed, saw, participated, instigated or allowed.......this situation is the most challenging (putting it mildly) circumstance for me.

I often meet "Survivors" who endured my same experience. Most appear perfectly normal, rational, logical well rounded individuals. The deny, immediately, that they were negatively effected. The implication is, "it wasn't that bad", "it didn't happen to me, ergo it didn't happen to you".

Having this experience with folks many many times, I have seen the prior scenario go one of two ways

• Continued Denial/Dismissal
• Walls of Denial Crumble

While I understand it is really their issue. How they want to handle it...well, is up to them. The Emotional Self is poised and waiting to snap! I know going off on those in Denial/Dismissal is ultimately a waste of time, but that doesn't often stop me. If some effort is not made to target this perceived threat, I deeply regret it. As then I am left with a chest of anger and a mind of rage. Like being all dressed up and there's no place to go. This being called Anti-Climactic would be an understatement of the obvious.

The Buddha was said to have taught that "Holding on to anger is like hold a hot stone to hurl at someone" well, I have an hand calloused and hard from doing just that over several decades. My therapist asked what if I didn't have the RAGE.

I couldn't answer, but I felt a deep void. I would be in a vacuum without my friend, my ill-advised friend, my one constant. I have yet to be able to articulate an answer for my therapist. As long as she doesn't utter the words "Get Over It", I suspect I will keep searching. What other choice do I have? I wish you...

Much Peace
Woof

 

[untiltoday]

Depression/Depressed= My parents used this word to scapegoat all of their problems on me. My mother called anti-depressants "your happy-pills. I was the only one who needed therapy: nope.

Shy/Sensitive= I grew up with everyone, even my parents, using these words to describe me. If I had had proper parenting, I probably would have never had this problem.

Trauma= Just because.

Let it go -forgive and forget- get over it= Catchphrases my mother used to tell me, so I could cope with everything as a child, from a family member's death - to being bullied. Sad thing is, she's never forgotten the bad things in her own childhood: which were (still are) the repetitive stories she told us in order to feel "lucky" that things were better than whatever she went through.

 

[Emily18]

I really hate the words closet, uncle, tricky and molestation. They make me feel ill whenever I hear them.
There are also words that I can hear and be fine but if I see them written down it really scares me.
For example:
Facial Hair
Carpeting