Words That Make You Cringe And/or Push Up Your Symptoms?

[StarChild]

"Poor thing" makes me want to kick the person who says this to me, out of the window! :mad: I heard this quite a few times. Often in connection with my chronic suppurative sinuses illness. Even a doctor once told me this! Well, he won't say it again...:D

 

[Abstract]

Sensitive is a bad one for me too. It feels like a weapon.

Funny enough I don't react to trauma in an extreme way digger. Don't like it at all but it doesn't send me into a cold sweat and I think it is because it feels factual and general to me. More removed. I think of the enormous spectrum of things it can relate to and the theory comes to mind. Whereas the a word brings up feelings of being victimised and perpetrators and humiliation. Arggghh....

As for the r word. That was always my worst. There is no hiding there. A couple of years ago I could never see or hear it without being triggered in some way. Now I can write it out on occasions (feeling sick after) but often can't and can't ever say it. Last T tried to make me.

I have ones I can't say here though.

 

[Abstract]

makes me want to kick the person who says this to me

Oh dear! I say this. I shall watch out for the kicks! Will try to remember. :oops::notworthy: I mean it as a playful term of affection.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

A bit off topic, as I don't have an issue with the word "molest" or "molested". It's just that the word sounds so benign when compared to "rape". I don't say I was molested. I say I was raped.

Why is it that when it happens to little kids, we say molested but when it happens to adults we say raped? No this isn't a hard and fast sort of rule, rather a tendency I've noticed. Why?

Actually I feel slighted by the term "molested" because some may take it to mean I was only inappropriately touched. It was so much more than that.

If anything, I'd argue that when it happens to a child it is worse in that a child doesn't have the emotional or mental foundation than an adult has in which to heal. (Not making a comparison war, but this aspect cannot be denied or minimized.)

So scratch what I said earlier. I DO have an issue with the word "molested"

 

[Powder]

@Solara exactly why some professionals have a problem with it. It seems like a way to not care what happens to children and to forget, as you said, that rather than "not understanding what has happened to them" and merely feeling "bothered" it does do permanent damage, even with delayed onset of symptoms.

I found a book by a new Ph.D. Psychologist who was part of a group that wanted to change our perception of child sex abuse. She believed that it had no predictable effect, that it was, in essence, neutral!!!! I was so angry. She interviewed three(3) men who were abused in a non-sadistic way who reported that the only damage was that they couldn't talk about how much they enjoyed the grooming and the attention. I guess since three people feel okay about being abused, then that makes it all okay for all of us. Grrrr!

It has not made sense to me why society wants to side with the perpetrators and minimize this with words like "molestation." Jennifer Freyd and others have theories on this, but it won't sink in for me much.

@Solara I have thought the same thing, that adults receive a greater share of civil rights. I feel that children are not treated as full human beings. This is a real problem.

 

[ninja]

I have a big issue with the term "old soul".

 

[FindingMyself88]

Yes, I hate those theories that say that because you were a child, its more easy to forget. No, we just bury it and disassociate because that's all we know to do. This happened to me and now….almost 15 years later I am having flashbacks and nightmares from the first person who did it to me.

I also hate my middle name and even if I let someone know what it is (which is rare), I tell them do NOT call me by it. My dad used to say my first and middle name right before I was going to get a beating. I even demanded my high school not to use it at graduation. It will definitely be getting changed once i get married!

This is a little off topic, but not only do I HATE certain words, I hate tones of voices. My real dad and his ex wife use to fight all the time, to the point that cops were called and even once…my dad pulled a gun on her. I cannot stand for people to raise their voices, especially in a frustrated or angry tone. I really don't like going to football games and such, because the yelling gets to me, but I can manage it. But if someone is fighting, I have to escape even if they're not fighting with me!

 

[Emma13]

"I'm sorry you had to go through that"
Victim
Rape
Molested
Sexual trauma
Sexual abuse

 

[Candleflames]

@DMerish I call myself weird all the time. I know I'm more than just a little different but I think it's in a good way. Well, most of the time I do. I also hate being told what to do. My father-in-law used to tell me "what you need to do is..." and it was the fastest way to get me to do the opposite. If I hear that phase from anyone I start twitching profoundly enough that everyone starts asking me if I have something in my eye.

@Muse You're right, the words is woefully inadequate. Sexual predation is one of the few thing I think warrants the death penalty.

@FindingMyself88 I don't do dishes either and I have issues with my middle name and both are for the same reasons you stated. Sometime people will give me grief for having taken my husbands last name but I sure as hell wasn't going to keep the name of the man who beat me. One of my friends recently changed her full name to get away from an abusive situation. I also know lots of people who have changed a part or all of their name. You don't have to wait till you're married.

@Mayday Keep coming back! I hope you feel proud for being able to contribute.

@digger1 I have been having a similar problem. I'll dissociate when one of my button pushing words come up. I want to make progress but how can I when one little word makes me shut down. That's why I started this thread. I'm glad you came back and are trying to confront this with us.

@Abstract The r word is hard for me too. This summer was the first time I was actually able to say it out loud to someone. The look of shock on her face was priceless. It was a big victory for me.

@Solara Not off topic at all. You're right that when it happens to children it is more damaging than when it happens to adults. There is actually a fair amount of evidence to support that. When a child is abused it effects the development of their personality. It can be fractured or even split completely. An adult will have some profound effects but children suffer the worst. They are much more vulnerable.

I am finding this thread quite helpful. I hope others are as well.

 

[DMerish]

"selfish" I hate that word

I extremely dislike that word also. My abuser used it often in an emotional blackmailing manner, if he wanted me to feel pity for him; if I didn't want to do something he wanted me to do; if I put my own basic needs before the needs of others. Yep, I can be "selfish"! There's nothing wrong with disagreeing with someone, especially, when one's own health and safety are at stake. It's was often my unselfishness that put me into situations, or made me decided to do things that in the long run weren't healthy/helpful to myself.

makes me want to kick the person who says this to me, out of the window!

That term really gets me too :cautious: It sounds so disingenuous (falsely sympathetic) that when I hear it. Folks use it when they become aware of someone or some thing (an animal, maybe) is struggling. Folks that use the term have little or no insight into the fact that the person or thing is in the midst of calling upon all of their strength to overcome their struggle/challenge, or to courageously accept their situation. Instead, folks that use the term make a judge that the person or thing is weak, should be pitied, and leave it at that because they are unable to express/feel real empathy or compassion or offer assistance that could help. It's a meaningless term that makes me feel like I want to slap the person to wake up. :spitdummy:

 

[zaniara]

I'm very glad English is not my native language right now! :D Since reading the words in English isn't making me so upset. Also reading the words, and writinng them is easier than saying them out loud. For me all words that describe physical things that as to do with sex(details and bodyparts) is impossible to say out loud when talking to my T. Some I can sometimes use when I talk to a friend, but I have hard time with them even then. And I prefer to not talk about things that has to do with sex. Also the word "gangrape" is hard.. (Was abducted and abused by several men; and I have processed it, but still hate using the word for it).

Also hearing that I'm "too much" is really painful. Because I always feel that I am too much. For everyone, always. My therapist is trying to convice me I'm never too much for him. But I don't believe him. I believe he is just being nice. (besides he is only "forced" to see me once a week) (I got to hear from a friend this week that I'm too much for her too.. So now I'm scared of being my self with her.) I know I AM too much, everyone thinks so after a while, even when I try to behave and stay calm.

 

[zaniara]

This thread is the second thread I'm reading about talking/using certain words. And it has made me start to think about this.. That maybe I should start to force my self to expose my self a bit more to this. Or at least bring it up with my therapist. He used a word for the female organ(see I can't even write in English!!) last time I saw him.. and I can't get the word out of my mind, and cringe when I think of it. Hate it. I can think it, but I can't say or write it. (I use a nick-name that's not so hard to say when I talk to my kids about stuff that has to do with those body parts of theirs: but using that word for that part of my body would make me feel like a small child again: and that would send me right back to the abuse it self..) I guess he's on to me though, because I know that he is deliberately exposing me in a gradual way to the things I'm having problems with..