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Work place sexual harassment?

Discussion in 'Employment, Education & Disability' started by Ms. Question, Apr 15, 2018.

  1. Ms. Question

    Ms. Question Guest

    Hi.

    My male boss is in his late 50s. I’m in my early 20s (21).

    I started working for the company around November. Before November, I would cater for them. He would hug me and kiss my cheeks (I assume ppl who saw thought it was fatherly, but it was really just uncomfortable). I never spoke up about my discomfort w his actions. I was really desperate for a job. Once I got the job. A private conversation w him sometimes consisted of me saying “I’m tired.” And he would say, “from what? Having a lot of sex?” And I would just say uh no.

    He kept on like touching me and I was uncomfortable almost all the time.
    I actually never felt confident to be around him.

    Eventually, he harass me for some pictures. Some sexy provocative pics I was always hesistant saying no.

    And showing him my cross necklace or prayer hand charm around my neck saying no I’m conservative and Christian. (No offense to anyone).

    Whenever he got the chance and we were alone he would keep persisting for me to do it in a subtle way and he kept ”complimenting” me saying that you must have nice breast and my body feels so firm (since he would put his hands around the area between my hips and lower chest) (always uncomfortable) (I would push away a lot, but he still came on to me). His persistent on the pictures made it hard to say an indefinite no and every time he would ask me it was not a no any longer. The reason being his pressuring me as my superior the person who allows me to get paid and keep my job kept basically harassing me for these pics and I didn’t know what to do. I was scared to get fired too. I was naive also. I told him I would be interested in more conservative pictures and he said that I could take a drink and would loosen up. He told me about his ex gfs being 31 years old. He showed me some of her nudes they weren’t explicit or like dirty. Just nudes and I didn’t look much. Everything happened so fast and idk why I didn’t just run out of the office and out of the place. He was manipulative over me. He saw some of my IG pics that I showed him when showing him I was conservative and only interested in pics as such. But he said that I should wear lingerie and booty liners and he asked me if i had any. I said I knew what they were. He said show me like asking me to pull my pants down basically and I said no. I know what they are.. and then after he said not to tell anyone and just secrecy. Finally when the door opened I left and went to the bathroom shaken and uncomfortable and feeling ashamed. Someone I spoke to said it wasn’t my fault because bad he never asked me or pressured me or put me in that situation nothing would have happened. I want to know what you think and no I quit my job and I’m not going to report it. He has a lot of money and influence.
     
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  3. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

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    Do you have PTSD?

    What I think changes a whole lot depending on the answer.
     
    blackemerald1 and EveHarrington like this.
  4. Ms. Question

    Ms. Question Guest

    I’ve never been clinically diagnosed w PTSD. Only with manic depression and General anxiety disorder.

    i have also been crying about this. Friday I cried. Today I cried.
     
  5. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    I think that counseling would do you a world of good!
     
    blackemerald1 likes this.
  6. Ms. Question

    Ms. Question Guest

    Yes I will be doing that at school
     
    EveHarrington likes this.
  7. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

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    So if you posted this same thread on an autism forum, you’d be getting feedback on dealing with sexual harassment whilst dealing with the challenges of being autistic. On a cancer forum, on dealing with sexual harassment whilst gravely ill. On a parenting forum, on sexual harassment in relation to your kids. On an actors forum, how sexual harassment is affecting your work. On a student forum, how it’s affecting pursuing your degree. On a PTSD forum, how sexual harassment is related to your trauma history & affecting your disorder. Et cetera.

    All of those, and countless other foundations/backgrounds, are going to have unique issues / struggles / challenges in addition to the baseline of sexual harassment sucks.

    So if you’re Bipolar & have GAD, you’re going to be dealing with issues above and beyond someone without those diagnoses, and many different issues than someone with another diagnosis.

    So, to me, it would make a lot of sense to reach out to the Bipolar or GAD communities for advice specific to your diagnosis, general mental health communities for how mental health / mental illness is affected by sexual harassment, school communities, etc. .... but whilst well targeted crowdsourcing can be an amazing source of support? I’d reeeeally recommend a good therapist. Where the focus is entirely on you, your unique life & situation, and how best to move forward to where you want to be.
     
    blackemerald1 likes this.
  8. blackemerald1

    blackemerald1 I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Well you have experienced sexual harassment.
    That unfortunately is the very best thing you could do to protect yourself.
    Find another job and never accept this sort of treatment from anyone.
    Glad to hear this.
    Apart from this bad experience, @Friday said it all ^^
     
    EveHarrington likes this.
  9. Ms. Question

    Ms. Question Guest

    I agree w you. I just I’ve been trying to talk to anyone about this anonymously through help hotlines and such. I’m sorry I posted on the wrong forum. I haven’t been able to find any sexual harassment ones at the work place. And I just wanted to be able to talk to someone about it and especially people who have experienced it because i just feel s lot of confusion and sadness. But thank you for your input and i will keep searching for the appropriate and logical help.

    Thank you and yes definitely I will never let this happen to me again it was horrible. I was so scared to get fired but I had to leave anyway because I couldn’t tolerate the discomfort. Thank you again.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 16, 2018
    Friday and blackemerald1 like this.
  10. blackemerald1

    blackemerald1 I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    You sound quite young. Honestly your school/university counsellor should be able to help.
    Everyone is afraid of getting fired really and I am sort of glad you just walked out. He was a leach and you were at risk from him.
    I don't know how powerful this man is in your world. But no man is supposed to do that to you. He told you to keep it a secret. So he was worried you might tell someone who could make him face the consequences. So he knew his behaviour was wrong.
    Good luck with your next job. You did the right thing.
     
    Friday likes this.
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