I work for a large comic book company-have been with the company for over 5 years. During the first 6 months of my job I discovered that I had Attention Deficit Disorder. I was intensely harassed and bullied by my manager for about the first three years of my job, and I sought therapy a little over two years ago. My therapist at the time diagnosed me with PTSD stemming from childhood parental neglect and sibling abuse. I never really thought my past was a problem for me-I new there were some things that were not quite "normal" but I didn't know any different and didn't put much thought into it. We focused a lot on my past, labeling the events as the cause of my PTSD, but I felt that I had actually developed my PTSD from my awful work situation. But last night during therapy, I realized that my work situation is just activating my PTSD symptoms that stem from my childhood.
A week ago an article was published about a prominent figure in the comic book industry that happens to work at my company. The article reveals that he has been sexually harassing people in the industry for 20 years, and that it has been a known issue within our company for most of that time. I haven't even heard the rumors of him sexually assaulting anyone, but I have heard tales of him harassing and bullying my fellow coworkers, and he has even made remarks to my manager about my work that we both agree are inaccurate. He is a well-known narcissist. If you looked that up in a dictionary, his picture would be there. The messed up thing about this whole situation is that the company has not fired him. The company has known about the most recent incident-which the victim spoke publicly about to a journalist, and all he got was a promotion! Of course there is so many layers of wrong here-I don't need to detail them all, but I am really struggling with the fact that this sex-offender still has a job. Many of us have spoken to a trusted manager on how we feel about the guy still having a job, and it all falls on deaf ears. The thing is, certain people get unlimited "passes". He will continue to keep his job, while the rest of us sit here feeling more and more powerless to improve our situations.
I was bullied and harassed for YEARS and was made out to be the problem, and manager harassing me gave me an assignment to write an essay about how I was going to change on a personal level to remedy the situation. I just can't get over the injustice that goes on in this company, and as a result, I found myself in tears at my desk on Tuesday-feeling the exact same way I felt two years ago when my manager was harassing me and I was in a very bad place emotionally. I was trying so hard to hold back my tears, but I couldn't do it so I had to leave work. The minute I got home and saw my cat, I felt normal again.
I talked to my therapist last night about the situation and she pointed out to me some connections I haven't ever made about my childhood trauma and how it relates to my experiences now. She said that as a child I was not protected, even when I sought help from various sources. My parents were out partying and having fun, while I was at home being abused by my older brother. My pleas for help, my pleas for protection and for justice were all met with words like "Grow up." "Don't bother us with this-we are out at dinner" "We are not going to come home and help you" "Do not call us again tonight". "Don't provoke your bother" etc. You get the point. So my therapist pointed out to me that right now, while my dad is in Disneyland with his 2nd wife and her adult daughter having a great time, I am at work in this hostile environment with disgusting employees getting away with sexually assaulting people without consequence-and speaking out against that guy keeping his job doesnt do any good. She said it is a parallel to my life as a child-while my parents were out partying, I was being abused, and my pleas for help and protection fell on deaf ears. So no wonder I am crying at my desk again feeling exactly how I felt 2 years ago when the bullying was at its peak.
I thought I was cured from my PTSD, but now I am questioning that. Is it normal for it to come and go like this? Is this just considered a trigger?
A week ago an article was published about a prominent figure in the comic book industry that happens to work at my company. The article reveals that he has been sexually harassing people in the industry for 20 years, and that it has been a known issue within our company for most of that time. I haven't even heard the rumors of him sexually assaulting anyone, but I have heard tales of him harassing and bullying my fellow coworkers, and he has even made remarks to my manager about my work that we both agree are inaccurate. He is a well-known narcissist. If you looked that up in a dictionary, his picture would be there. The messed up thing about this whole situation is that the company has not fired him. The company has known about the most recent incident-which the victim spoke publicly about to a journalist, and all he got was a promotion! Of course there is so many layers of wrong here-I don't need to detail them all, but I am really struggling with the fact that this sex-offender still has a job. Many of us have spoken to a trusted manager on how we feel about the guy still having a job, and it all falls on deaf ears. The thing is, certain people get unlimited "passes". He will continue to keep his job, while the rest of us sit here feeling more and more powerless to improve our situations.
I was bullied and harassed for YEARS and was made out to be the problem, and manager harassing me gave me an assignment to write an essay about how I was going to change on a personal level to remedy the situation. I just can't get over the injustice that goes on in this company, and as a result, I found myself in tears at my desk on Tuesday-feeling the exact same way I felt two years ago when my manager was harassing me and I was in a very bad place emotionally. I was trying so hard to hold back my tears, but I couldn't do it so I had to leave work. The minute I got home and saw my cat, I felt normal again.
I talked to my therapist last night about the situation and she pointed out to me some connections I haven't ever made about my childhood trauma and how it relates to my experiences now. She said that as a child I was not protected, even when I sought help from various sources. My parents were out partying and having fun, while I was at home being abused by my older brother. My pleas for help, my pleas for protection and for justice were all met with words like "Grow up." "Don't bother us with this-we are out at dinner" "We are not going to come home and help you" "Do not call us again tonight". "Don't provoke your bother" etc. You get the point. So my therapist pointed out to me that right now, while my dad is in Disneyland with his 2nd wife and her adult daughter having a great time, I am at work in this hostile environment with disgusting employees getting away with sexually assaulting people without consequence-and speaking out against that guy keeping his job doesnt do any good. She said it is a parallel to my life as a child-while my parents were out partying, I was being abused, and my pleas for help and protection fell on deaf ears. So no wonder I am crying at my desk again feeling exactly how I felt 2 years ago when the bullying was at its peak.
I thought I was cured from my PTSD, but now I am questioning that. Is it normal for it to come and go like this? Is this just considered a trigger?
