I went for a medical procedure yesterday that couldn't be put off.
I was the only one wearing a mask and as I had a small sore throat I disclosed that on the forms. The admin was not happy. I have a mask on and gloves and I am not properly trained like a medical professional but I am getting pretty good at not doing cross contamination.
So I wear a mask, gloves and I tell the truth. I had a sore throat (extremely unlikely to be Covid19) but I was honest on the forms.
It looked for a few minutes they wouldn't let me go in for testing. I accepted that, but that doesn't encourage truth telling and mask wearing. I did really well. They told me that the nurse would "speak" to me. I get everyone is scared, but really you should be wearing a mask in a medical establishment, but yeah, PPEs shortages and also etc.
I waited outside.
So the nurse came out. I said I have vulnerable family and also if everyone wore a mask (if you wear it properly and still religiously wash your hands) no one would get it or spread it as much. I said 100 medical professionals in Australia have tested positive (according to the news) and it is a civic duty to protect our medical professionals by wearing masks. Anyway she just went I have no problem of you coming in and us treating you today and just walked off.
The other nurse said we are so lucky in Australia and I said everyone is stunned mullet about it - told her of my medico professional friends and I said wearing a mask protects medicos and yeah she got it.
They did one lot of tests which had me struggling to be there, and a second lot of tests, so then suddenly all these people are in the room, none of them work masks or were doing social distancing. They wanted to immediately do all this stuff and I had to sign more papers, and at that point I got overwhelmed and stopped wearing gloves. I had my glasses on and a mask on so I hoped I would remember not to touch my eyes or face but when you dissociate or split off you can't be sure you will remember.
It triggered me badly but I held it together.
All these people suddenly were in the room, they all didn't introduce themselves and usually I would do it, and assert myself, but I was focusing on keeping it together. It was overwhelming everyone doing things and saying things, and rechecking. So it was immediate drainage to see if it was a cyst then immediate biopsies which was quite painful but not too bad. But they are touching my whole body to put me in different positions to take more scans so that triggered off a whole lot of stuff, but I kept it together. An older student had been doing it and you know that wasn't optimal but it meant the other one redid me and they found etc.
It triggered me badly but I held it together.
The specialist asked me if I wanted her to wear a mask. I said no. Anyway I think they were appreciative of me wearing a mask and also sitting in the one place and not touching anything.
So it was scary to see such intelligent people not wearing PPEs or socially distancing but the room wasn't big enough and they were in immediate we have to assess this threat mode. They did 5 biopsies. So they were very thorough.
Then I had to sign more stuff. I wasn't touching my bag or my phone. I just scooped stuff up. So I just kept thinking about not touching my face. I was massively dissociated by this point. One medical specialist put their hand on my calf that really helped ground me.
I was slowly losing my mind because they said I wasn't eligible for the testing anymore, but after the second testing began that all went out the window and they would bring me back on Monday but the test results might not get back until Tuesday.
It reminded me of the sexual abuse and the machines on my body triggered body issues/memories. That was pretty disgusting. But I kept bringing myself back. So that was good.
So B and I thought I was going in for a standard check up and standard testing. So I had to text him about the biopsy which is not the ideal way of communicating to your beloved what was going on, but I had by that point noted what I needed to throw in a plastic bag - shoes, clothes etc and to wash my hands and etc. I was no longer coping as well as I had been at the beginning of the testing.
So it was not great but it was manageable.
There were people there with really no immune systems and I would think if you were going to a place like that in the time of Covid19 you would put a mask on. My mask is just a material mask which I can rewash. I have cotton re wearable gloves as well. I am not a medical professional so I can't do it to their level but I am much more aware now, and I still do all the extra hand washing and wiping of stuff down.
It triggered me badly but I held it together.
Medical treatment in the time of Covid19 is stressful (I can't imagine how scary it is for some folks) and I am not even living in a country with outbreaks. It's very sad that 103 people have died but it's not thousands. So my very small contributions are wearing masks, being in lock down, reading the Science, washing my hands every time I touched something, and thanking them for all that they were doing. They said this is taking a long time, and I said I am most grateful for all that you are doing. I said this lot of testing can take weeks and then to go for cyst draining and biopsy draining it could be 2-4-5 weeks to go through all that. And the last time I had that I was a f*cking mess the whole time. It would usually mean going to 6-8 appoints just to get to where they got me yesterday so they cut out so much potential exposure of Covid19, which is a really low risk where I am, but in terms of retraumatising it's pretty life saving stuff. I was pretty overwhelmed and the pain was not significant but I was more susceptible due to anxiety, panic and feelings of vulnerability.
It's bewildering for me the uncertainty with Covid19.
B and I got ready for a significant outbreak and the medicos in NSW were told to expect 8,000 dead. We relaxed restrictions last Monday, 1st of June so we will know in 3-4 weeks how that has gone. I am still a bit stuck on if we waited until 19th of June we had a 95% chance of eradication. It wasn't that long to wait.
Some schools have been closed down after positive tests, but it could be Australia has dodged a bullet with Covid19. It could be the fires put off as many tourists from coming. Parents pulled out their kids from school quite quickly. A lot of folks shut down really quickly. I am not impressed by Dan Andrews on the whole, but his shutting down schools and NSW shutting their schools down meant that the capacity for transmissions was significantly curtailed. Morrison had no choice but to follow their leadership. So Victoria and NSW shutting down may contributed to or actually saved our bacon.
I send my best wishes to everyone struggling with Covid19 today. I have been so lucky to be able to isolate. B is high risk and after all his operations and pre-existing conditions we shut down quickly. We have been so lucky and fortunate that we really get on well together and we have our ups and downs, whereas I know in some areas domestic violence Google searches went through the roof.
