Charon;105 said:
I wonder if any of the rest of you guys like, get into and out of shopping malls, grocery stores, department stores etc. as fast as possible?
I used too, and I used to do just as Mike also mentioned, simply avoiding them at busy times. Both have there problems.
Something I learnt and gradually taught myself to do was to approach such places in a different manner. I can't just be driving along and decide to go into a large shopping centre / mall. I need to know I am going their with a good days notice, and I actually learnt to calm myself based on facts and through just rationalisation to what I was going to do.
I used to not do it period due to the things that had happened in crowds on operations, ie. suddenly a grenade lands somewhere, bomber, etc. Now... I had to re-teach myself rationalisation. Is that a realistic thought to adopt in a civilian shopping centre at home? No. Does that type of thing really occur here at home? No. I have a better chance of being struck by lightning than something like that occurring at the local shops? Yes. This is how I rationalised the fear which drove my anxiety up. Now... no anxiety before going into a shopping centre.
Now for the shopping centre / mall itself. Times are a good way to moderate grocery shopping, for example, if you don't have to put yourself in the crowd, then why do it? We do our shopping first thing in the morning on Saturdays, like 8am, when the shop has little people in it. By the time we are walking out with our groceries, the crowds are only just starting to begin. Zero stress.
This works for groceries, though often not other things. So... times are still important, for example, we know kids flood malls after school, so that time is just silly. Shops open usually at a set time in the morning, which is normally the best time to go when the crowds are least.
- Don't try and take on a shopping centre in one hit, do things bit by bit and rest in-between.
- Get yourself in a pattern and never walk in with the attitude, "rush to get this, get that, get out", because before you have even entered, you have just built your anxiety up to rush... rushing equals higher anxiety. PTSD manifest anxiety, which means by the end of a short trip you are worn out and flustered.
- Mindset is everything. Be calm, pace yourself slowly, never rush.
- Identify coffee / drink shops and stop in them for a drink, sitting down and relaxing, drinking in the shop or drinking whilst you walk casually.
- Stop and look in shop windows to distract your brain from what is going on around you.
- Reassure yourself of the facts, being that the shops are not an operational zone, nor country and the threat is not high.
All this takes time, but if you persist you can do it. The best thing about military training is how we are trained to think. A "can do" attitude, nothing is out of our reach, hard work we can achieve, etc. Our training can actually help us with exposure therapy. The more you expose yourself to certain situations in life, the more you become used to them and your brain becomes used to them.
When we develop PTSD, our brain sets itself based on our last traumatic experiences... usually bad bad stuff and places. Unfortunately our brain then associates the past to our present, hence the issues. You can re-train your brain though with exposure therapy, you just have to go about it the right way, be realistic that you will fall down a few times trying, but if you continue at it in a logical way, you will actually find yourself a new boundary once again, just like the military pushes us for... constantly finding our limits and then trying to break those limits to find newer one's.
3rdIDMike;106 said:
I have just gave in and go to 24hr. grocery stores. It just makes things easier for me, no stress over shopping at 2am :)
I agree Mike... timing plays a part.
It has taken me years to now just be able to go too a shopping centre regardless of the time, providing I have preparation time to do it, so I ensure I am in the right state of mind first. If I had a bad day, then going to a shopping centre is only obviously going to make me worse. I just kept intentionally going into shops bit by bit over the last couple of years, to the point where I can now go into them and remain for a good few hours without issue using the above strategies I outlined.
I found a new issue the other week when me and the missus went clothes shopping for her. I had never spent more than a few hours at once in the shops, but this time we spent near 6 hours. I actually came out ok, in that I could see no difference from 3 hours and exiting to 6 hours and exiting. The part that hit me was the next day... in that it takes me so much mental capacity to do those things... that I wiped myself out for the next two days and spent them on the lounge watching TV because I just couldn't function. Came good after two days and all was well again though. Found a new boundary once again.
I have spent entire days shopping, like we did it just before this adventure on our honeymoon in Singapore, but what I noticed and believe was the difference, was that on our honeymoon we were moving in and out of shops, not remaining in one for such a duration. We went outside, looked at things, went back into shops... etc. Found new boundaries....
We all can achieve this... every military person I have helped with this aspect came out on top. I put it down to our training... in that when we choose to just do it, we do so and do it too our best. Civilians are so much harder to push than military, because they have never been pushed to such levels as the military do so.
