Military Worst Anger Moments (As They Come To You)

[DeadParagon]

I got a few

Chasing people down on the highway that cut me off and throwing shit at them...

One of the worst was...
I was coming from an open mic with a good friend of mine. It was a NYC jazz joint but my friend (an r&b singer) convinced me to perform a conscious rap song I wrote called "no peace" about the Iraq war. I got a lot of good responses from that song in the past especially from vets. Another guy went on stage earlier and performed a Christian rap song so I figured it was appropriate. Im up there..really nervous (was drinking at the time though), but I start. Before I began, I told everyone how I was a vet and the song pertained to that. As Im going into the first verse, I got everyones ear, but the host is telling the band not to give me any background music and he keeps saying to the band "no hip hop no hip hop". So hearing him screwed me up. I cursed him out and stormed off stage and me and my friend leave. I felt really disrespected. Not just as an artist with a message, but as a veteran. We get in the car, Im driving, and a dump truck stops in front of me so I cant move. The person behind me started honking and for some reason that put me into blackout rage mode. I got out my car in the middle of the street and ran up to the car behind me yelling "get out...Im gonna f*cking kill you!" along with some other stuff I cant remember. Blind rage.. couldnt control it. I saw there was a guy and girls in the car pleading with me to stop. Between them and my friend I kinda snapped out of it. I felt like a monster. Still almost managed to run someone over though. I drove off somewhere away, stopped the car and broke out in tears, trying to figure what the hell happened to me back there. I was scared. I haven't been back on a stage since. Im still scared of losing control. I feel music is my avenue to sanity so Im torn. I dont know what to do.

Another one...
I remember going to someones apartment to talk to them about how they wronged me and get resolution led to me ready to kick their door in, them calling the cops on me, and me going downstairs and breaking all the glass doors and windows in the front of the building, then walking up to two guys across the street and threatening them, going back to my car, then deciding to walk back to where the guys were standing only to find five more of them their and then threatening all of them, then leaving, nearly hitting people, punching windows.

Something really wrecklace happened another night that should've landed me in prison for a while. I cant talk about it.

There's more, but I wont mention them. A lot of my anger is towards myself, but I sometimes end up taking it out on other people. Most people that know me know I can go from 0-60 in 2 seconds and Im a ticking time bomb waiting to go off for a "grand finale". Before the war I was the opposite. A very confident and loving person. I pray I can get that back some day.

Ive been trying to calm down a lot since by cutting the alcohol out of the picture but I still feel rage. I still get crazy thoughts of brutally hurting people around me and when that happens, I need to get home quick so I know I wont be a danger to anyone and myself. Im really afraid of myself and what Im capable of. My little rage episode tonight is what brought me to these forums. Sometimes I feel like the inevitable is only a matter of time. I think Id have a better chance at life if I was able to get back in and go infantry. Im currently trying.

 

[DeadParagon]

Something really pissed me off today that really reenforced my dislike for civilian behavior. I had just came off the train. I was in manhattan and I had my hands full with this big musical midi keyboard/controller that I just purchased from a guy on craigslist. I see a blind man down the street, walking past a boston market. I see 3 girls standing to the right of him. I see tons of people walking around him. This blind man, loudly and clearly, was asking if someone could direct him to the boston market. I was down the block with my huge keyboard, and I heard this man ask for help about 5 times. Finally, I couldnt take it. I walked down the block to help the poor man get to the boston market that was behind him. After that, I turned to everyone in the area and in a loud tone, thanked them all for being so f*ckin inconsiderate and hoped they'd lose their eyesight someday. I know I am a civilian now, but sometimes I really can't stand them. Seems like people care for eachother less and less these days. Or maybe thats just how Im seeing things. I just had to share that.

 

[anthony]

No... I reckon you nailed it. People are caring less and less for one another and more for only themselves. It is being seen more and more in things like car accidents, where people actually stop to abuse the people who had an accident for holding up the traffic... whilst driving by and nobody stops. Here is is illegal to leave the scene of a traffic accident if you witness it, yet people just turn a blind eye because they need get where they are going that little bit faster totally oblivious to whether someone else is injured or dieing. I'm with ya.... good on ya for doing what you did I say. It wasn't destructive, just honest.

 

[rmf3175]

Too many to list.

My question is this....how many times can a person go through the ringer untill they finally get rung.

 

[DeadParagon]

I dont even wanna mention all the episodes in the past 2 weeks alone....insanity

 

[dave1]

For me, anger was usually a way to gain control of a situation. People usually back down from a very angry person. Of course I didn't realize al this at the time and just felt resentment because people didn't understand what I was going through. That sounds pretty stupid when it comes out in black and white but someone mentioned the irrational brain PTSD can create.

I heard and can varify that threats include precieved challenges to our egos. I know my brain doesn't distinguish between real life indangering threats and imagined challenges to the way I think things should be. Again it sounds pretty irrational but for me it seems to come with the territory.

Shopping with my better half wears me out faster than hard physical labor. I usually sit on a bench were no one can get behind me and wait for the wife to shop. It feels safer than trying to keep track people while moving through the crowd - not that anything is going to happen, but it just feels better.

Another habit that still follows me is watching the ground when I walk (looking for booby traps I guess). It's difficult to see what's ahead when walking in mass of people. I do fairly well if we know exactly what we are shopping for. Just moving slowly through the shops with no objective gets to me pretty quickly.

I get the angriest at people who I precieve as arrogent, not knowing what they are talking about. Those who demand respect they haven't earned or ask, or order, others to do what they will not do. The best I can do is walk away and let them think what ever they will.

Road rage has also been a problem and embarrassmet for me. After years I've found that I can back off when people cut in front of me and the anger/anxiety go away a lot faster than if I try to make them pay. It comes down to how much anger can I allow myself. How much anxiety, high blood pressure, pain in my chest, fights with my wife, isolation, depresison, and hating myself can I stand?

 

[Lost kanuck]

Hey everyone,
I am amazed that I have been in many similar situations as some of you! I am attending college aswell, and I find I get easily angered by self absorbed students. I am very judgemental towards them. I try to get over these judgements, but I just get frustrated with there lack of respect and courtisty for fellow students. Going to malls nad other public places is a struggle aswell. I tend to spend a lot fo time to myself. I have bursts of rage, too many to recount!

 

[anthony]

I think you hit the magic emotion for most of us Richie... Frustration. That is the biggest cause of anger and rage. I really do struggle to keep myself in control at times, and I try so hard to just keep telling myself that it is frustration and that it is my emotion and feeling, and not something I should lash out upon another. Definitely struggle with this one at times.

 

[BioHazard]

Definitely, frustration is our biggest enemy. I spend days at a time where I stay angry at the most minor stuff. Generally, typical anger management techniques work for a short period of time. The best way I have found to cope with frustration is to put it out of my mind and find some type of mindless activity, like reading or doing some type of manual labor. My old commander used to trim decorative shrubbery when he got frustrated by something or someone. I build plastic models or do body work on cars. This gives me something besides the frustrating issue to focus on which gives my mind time to cope with the frustration. Typically this works for me.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey Guys, been away for a few days dropping my children at their mothers. So I will add to the anger moments, as I have many.

I suppose the worst was when I got so worked up at my older two boys about cleaning the house, they were probably 13 and 11 at the time. They complained that the 5 year old did nothing around the house (of course) and never got disciplined for being naughty. I was so angry (furious) I went and dragged the 5 year old (from where he was happily playing somewhere) and smacked him hard on his arse three times for no reason then said to the the older ones. 'You happy now'.
I have not smacked him since. He is 12 now. I still feel bad when I think about it.
The second was when I asked my daughter who was 12, where her glasses were. I was driving at the time, she was in the back.
When she said they were in her bag, I snapped and nearly caused a massive accident.

Once again, these were all over 3 years ago. I still have my moments and have a hole in the laundry wall from the door knob (even with a stopper), but its getting better.

My two boys who do live with me full time (18 and 12), can tell my moods or ask how I am and know when not to stir or push any issues.
I wish they did not have to and plan that for the future.

When I get grumpy or angry, I cook. But am investing in a punching bag (non human) and some weights. Gardening also calms me.

Have 3 weeks without the youngest, its my holiday. Going fishing out the reef.

 

[FMG]

I suppose I lucked out, I was always a relatively happy go lucky individual. Hell I only joined up to teach. I actually had a non combat clause in my contract since I only was signed on to teach as part of an initiative to get troops combat ready in medicine. So it was basic "how to stem bleedings, treat simple wounds, keep healthy, some spread sheets for basic infections, how to recognise the different stages of shock and keep the individual stable and stuff like that". I got sent to Iraq cause I didn't read my contract properly.

The worst bit was I kind of volunteered to do it without pay because I just wanted to teach. I was angry but then realised it was partly my stupidity for not reading contracts. I mean I just taught Iraqis instead so they didn't really break any rules.

I really didn't come with a military mentality, I suppose. My anger is less the shouty rage and more the incredible sarcasm. I just say hurtful things. Its petty things that ruin people's day rather than full blown anger.

Until today, I work for Medicin Sans Frontier and they have done a lot to help me get back to roughly the way I was. I am currently working in south india at a refugee camp for Sri Lankan tamils. I hate litterers, and after someone threw some garbage on the ground I kind of emptied a bin into their car. It just annoyed me to the point of that.

Honestly its the first time I have done something like this. Then again I have been slightly pissed off on the basis of I have slowly come to the realisation that no one wants a 24 year doctor with "issues". I am basically jealous of what I like to call "normal people" because they didn't suffer. I wasted 2 years recovering and learning medicine simultaneously to help me out and I loved every second of it because I was busy. But now I just see people having actual lives and want one. But I know I can't have one because "one mention of PTSD" and most people don't want anything to do with me or want to hear war stories and most of what I did was "sign papers" and teach contraception.

 

[Jimmy1]

Thanks FMG, that gave me a better way to explain myself.

I am not really an angry person, I have been told that I am a funny, happy go lucky type of guy. But it does not take much to piss me off. But lately I have been angry at everyone. When I suppose I could put it down as being frustrated at not being able to do things like the average Joe.

I was discharged and given a T&PI (Totally and Permanently Incapacitated) Gold card and pension from our VA here. One of the clauses is that I am not allowed to work more than 8 hours a week. Well, sometimes I struggle to get out of bed in the mornings let alone work.

I am only 43 year old with Combat PTSD, a degenerative disease in my back with posterior bulges to my L4 and L5, a shoulder that has been operated on twice (which they ended up just joining the bicep tendon to the top of my humerus), IBS, had bowel resection to remove a nasty divaticular abscess.

On a good day I may venture out to the shopping centre, when there is not a big crowd. I have been approached by people I have not seen in a long time who just look and ask what is wrong with me, and why don't I get out and work.

After serving 20 years, I used to belittle the malingerers who tried to get out of PT or exercises. Now I feel belittled. Is it Karma??

For example, all I did yesterday was vacuum my house, pull out about 50 weeds from my garden, fix my PC, clean the oven and wipe down the bench and a few walls. This morning I feel like I have been in a rugby match. I even suffer from chronic shaggers back when my gf happens to visit. Glad its not every night.

Just having a dummy spit now. I want my body and mind back the way it was.
I feel week and belittled. I get pissed off when I see all the bludgers I know with perfectly healthy bodies and minds lining up for unemployment benefits. I would do anything to trade places and get my life back.
:mad::(:confused: