I was wired so badly last night, like someone plugged me into a bad outlet and I was partly burning alive. No nightmares or waking up wanting to destroy myself, but I think I took a few sleeping pills and some herbs by the time I finally fell asleep. I don't dare tell my doctor exactly because she will just be angry, quit my prescription, and I'll want to destroy myself next time this happens (btw, a couple sleeping pills does nothing super dangerous because I've been on them so long...like an alcoholic having a case of beer...nothing). I have asked for alternatives and there's nothing I haven't already tried. But I need to say something...just not sure. I also won't go to the psychiatrist at that clinic because he freaks me out. #1 I need different pain meds (seeing a new doc about that soon) but even switching would take some time.
I didn't do anything unusual or really different yesterday, but pain was bugging me yesterday and I was just sort of generally stressed. A few bad memories but I don't connect them to the charge I was feeling since it's not like I felt like breaking stuff...just felt like I drank 20 cans of Jolt. I don't know what the hell happened. I'm really sick of my body and scared too.
What do you do if you've already taken your prescribed dose of meds and are super wired and messed up? I had gone for a walk early, which I thought would have helped me settle down, but might have made it worse. I feel trapped not knowing if I'll end up in full crazy self-destructive mode or if using up the excess energy will release it. I also don't understand why it's such shit right now. I'm in therapy but probably ending very soon and not willing to start the whole thing over right now because I'm really burned and exhausted. I just need to be okay in my skin and find some balance. Today I exercised earlier in the day and tried a little meditation. I will try muscle relaxants tonight instead of painkillers, but still feel icky sense of being super electrified and buzzing. I quit drinking many years ago but lately I feel like my body is in that bad place where I just want to knock myself out.
I didn't do anything unusual or really different yesterday, but pain was bugging me yesterday and I was just sort of generally stressed. A few bad memories but I don't connect them to the charge I was feeling since it's not like I felt like breaking stuff...just felt like I drank 20 cans of Jolt. I don't know what the hell happened. I'm really sick of my body and scared too.
What do you do if you've already taken your prescribed dose of meds and are super wired and messed up? I had gone for a walk early, which I thought would have helped me settle down, but might have made it worse. I feel trapped not knowing if I'll end up in full crazy self-destructive mode or if using up the excess energy will release it. I also don't understand why it's such shit right now. I'm in therapy but probably ending very soon and not willing to start the whole thing over right now because I'm really burned and exhausted. I just need to be okay in my skin and find some balance. Today I exercised earlier in the day and tried a little meditation. I will try muscle relaxants tonight instead of painkillers, but still feel icky sense of being super electrified and buzzing. I quit drinking many years ago but lately I feel like my body is in that bad place where I just want to knock myself out.
