My ex(ish) and I have been inseperable again. Like taking the 'title' off of things removes stress. I don't want to cause stress but one topic we've talked about a lot is triggering a lot of mistrust in me and it wouldn't have been so bad except the timing of it all - the PTSD flaring up, the flirty messages to this girl in Alaska, helping his cousin move to Alaska, the overreassurance without me asking that he wasn't visiting her in Alaska, the blocking me on Facebook so he doesn't get anxiety looking at my page, seeing that he's marked it on his calendar her visit home, she's his only friend on Yahoo! Messenger I saw last night, we're still together!
He assures me she's just a family friend that's coming home to visit, that he actually really does want to do something with me for Memorial Day even though she's going to be here that weekend, has offered to show me pictures of her now, and even introduce me to her when she's here.
Well, this is a couple of weeks away. I'm still feeling flags, so I told him this morning that "I've been thinking about it and I think it would be really good for me to meet her with him while she's here just so I can feel the energy myself and get over my anxiety with this." It was in text but he said "Yes, we'll go have lunch :)"
So it is said... my trust and anxiety say it is not.
Part of me feels like I don't want to wait for the ball to drop and all of a sudden I don't hear from him that week she's here. It will ruin me making other plans for that weekend. It'll hurt because I'll have waited - essentially faking trust till the real thing happens - and will be lied to... which for me will be the end of it. I can't do the 'other girl' thing.
The other part of me wants to FB her and just write her a sweet note that 'I'm excited to meet her when she's here' and see what sort of ripple or wave that creates.
Aside from her, we're actually doing very well in our baby steps of communication, not worrying about anything future, just working through now.
I hate this person I feel I'm being but I'm panicking and I don't know what is right from wrong here... aggressive or normal. Please help :eek:
**** Nevermind... I healed my own anxiety. It wouldn't have done me any good to hound him or write her... but I did have to be a little crazy and look through her pictures to cure my own anxiety. Lord forgive me for not having more Faith.*****
He assures me she's just a family friend that's coming home to visit, that he actually really does want to do something with me for Memorial Day even though she's going to be here that weekend, has offered to show me pictures of her now, and even introduce me to her when she's here.
Well, this is a couple of weeks away. I'm still feeling flags, so I told him this morning that "I've been thinking about it and I think it would be really good for me to meet her with him while she's here just so I can feel the energy myself and get over my anxiety with this." It was in text but he said "Yes, we'll go have lunch :)"
So it is said... my trust and anxiety say it is not.
Part of me feels like I don't want to wait for the ball to drop and all of a sudden I don't hear from him that week she's here. It will ruin me making other plans for that weekend. It'll hurt because I'll have waited - essentially faking trust till the real thing happens - and will be lied to... which for me will be the end of it. I can't do the 'other girl' thing.
The other part of me wants to FB her and just write her a sweet note that 'I'm excited to meet her when she's here' and see what sort of ripple or wave that creates.
Aside from her, we're actually doing very well in our baby steps of communication, not worrying about anything future, just working through now.
I hate this person I feel I'm being but I'm panicking and I don't know what is right from wrong here... aggressive or normal. Please help :eek:
**** Nevermind... I healed my own anxiety. It wouldn't have done me any good to hound him or write her... but I did have to be a little crazy and look through her pictures to cure my own anxiety. Lord forgive me for not having more Faith.*****
