Sufferer Years Of Child Abuse

[Super Radical]

Since I was old enough to remember anything I have memories of my dad being high on crack and beating my mom. As a kid we were called to 'Family Meetings' with my dad where he would ramble on either high or wanting crack. I always got the feeling that if he just didn't accidentally get my mom pregnant life would have been much better for him and her. At the end of these meetings or during he'd put his hands on all of us, me, my mom and my 3 year younger brother. I remember not being able to go to high school classes sometimes because of bruises or gashes I'd have because of him. I ended up failing 11th grade, which I was completely embarrassed about, because of these.

Social workers would ask about things and my mom always wanted them covered up because she said foster homes would be even worse for us kids. I regret this now. This continued till I was 19. I moved out with my boyfriend at the time, and my dad went to prison for 2 years for repeated DUIs.

Since then I've broken up with that guy, and moved back in. My dad quit crack and cocaine but still drinks and verbally abuses us when he gets too drunk. I don't know if I'm used to it now or what.

But I'm trying to make myself heal. I socially isolate myself for years at a time, except for the intermediate boyfriend. But I know I do this, and I feel that I know how to heal myself, it's just going to be a long process and I need some help.

 

[Springer80]

Hi SuperRad....

Sorry you've had to endure all that....It's totally screwed up how people and families can bend whats acceptable beyond breaking point as long as it means they don't have to face acting on any unpalatable truths.

I hope you get chance to create a space for yourself that is nourishing. Give yourself loads of compassion and don't feel embarassed for messing up at school. I just scraped past my exams at 16 and 18 inorder to get away but once I got to uni I bombed big time. Stress on that level takes such a lot out of you.

Welcome to the forum....:hug: X

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

If you are not seeing anyone at the moment I would suggest seeing a therapist and/or professional. In the meantime, take your time looking around, especially the threads with sticky pins.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi and welcome to the forum. I agree with KP. You cannnot afford to go without a therapist. I wish you peace and healing.

 

[Pencil]

I remember not being able to go to high school classes sometimes because of bruises or gashes I'd have because of him. I ended up failing 11th grade, which I was completely embarrassed about, because of these.

mom always wanted them covered up


But I'm trying to make myself heal. I socially isolate myself for years at a time, .

You have no idea how much I relate. And I agree with KP - you need professional help; you can't heal on your own.

 

[Pinkcake]

I'm so sorry for the childhood that your father gave you.

If you cannot afford counseling I hope you try to get into a mental health clinic. I know there is a wait sometimes but even being on the list is closer than you are now to seeing a therapist.

In the meantime, have you ever thought of going to ACOA meetings? It is an acronym for adult children of alcoholics but I've found that really, they don't differentiate between drug addiction and alcoholism. I hope you get on a path to healing. (((((hugs)))))

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think you need professional help, but more importantly you need to get out of that house.

My therapist once told me that as long as I was living with abusive family members, therapy could only do so much as I was re-subjecting myself to the person who harmed me so much. She was right.

 

[Aribear]

Hi:) I am so sorry you had to go through this. I agree with that a therapist will help. Even as I life-long "handle it myself" person, I couldn't have made much progress without one.

If you want help, but can't afford it and live in the United States, some states have programs to help get professional help and also possibly get you housing. I was able to qualify for therapy through my state's Office of Vocational Rehabilitation (because it effected effected my ability to get an education and work), but there are also other offices that can help if this one doesn't fit for you. It took a few months, but well worth it in the end.

 

[KatKaos]

I deeply sympathize with what you've been through,both my parents were in the r.a.f. and my drunk mum used to drag us downstairs by our hair and make us stand to attention while she hurled abuse and beat us all night,I used to be so very tired and feel so guilty even though I'd done nothing wrong,I'd say anything,admit to anything to try to make it stop.I hope things get better for you soon Super Radical.

 

[MomOfTwo]

I am sorry you had to endure this growing up. I am sorry that your mom did not protect you as well. I am not sure why your mom would think that how your father was treating you and your siblings could be worse than foster care. The social workers as well should have done more than what they did.

You should be proud that you survived and you recognize at a young age how the trauma has affected you. I grew up with a dad that hit my mom regularily and my siblings and I. He was never drunk. He did it sober. The police came on more than one occasion and did nothing to protect my mom or the rest of my family. I hope you take the time to look after you and get out of the dysfunctional situation you are in.

I think when we are surrounded by people that continue to victimize it is hard to heal or it maybe even impossible to heal.

Did you graduate from high school? If not there are several ways to get your diploma. Failing grade 11 should have been a flag for your teachers and they should have taken an interest on what was going on in your life. I think you have done remarkeable for what you have been through. There are many wonderful supportive people here and I hope you find this forum helps you on your journey to healing.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Super Radical,

Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry for what you went through as a child. I appreciate you may be short of options, but I cannot believe you are now having to live with your father again.

I do hope you are able to take care and protect yourself now.

My thoughts are with you
Lucy x