You Are Not Better Than Anyone Else...

[Kintsugi]

I was bullied by three girls when I was very, very young (maybe six). The worst part? They were bullying me partially because I was ahead in school (something I live with to this day with my peers), but also because I was getting a lot of "attention" from boys. I was getting attention from them because they were abusing me in my basement. They didn't like me. They hurt me. So did the girls. I felt very alone.

I got a little comeuppance, though. The nastiest of the girls (all of them were considerably older than I, too, at least 2-3 years) saw me several years after the bullying. I remember from when we were friends that she is terrified of dogs. When I saw her, I was browsing a garage sale with my gigantic wolf-looking white German shepherd. She ran. Good doggie!

 

[Heather]

I remember from when we were friends that she is terrified of dogs. When I saw her, I was browsing a garage sale with my gigantic wolf-looking white German shepherd. She ran. Good doggie!

I think it's awesome that you were able to have some sort of payback. They definitely deserved it!! I wish I could have had that.

 

[Kintsugi]

A wise forum member once told me that the best revenge is massive success. I know that this is a fairly common refrain here in response to revenge fantasies. I think it is popular because it is true. Or because there is a conspiracy to lie to me!

No, no. It's probably true. :tup:

(((Heather)))

 

[LawPhotos]

Heather, I can really relate to your experience and how you are feeling now. I was bullied and tormented by a boy (and often his friends) in high school. I have never told this story to anyone but the sad thing is that it all began because for once I tried to reach out for help (I never did reach out regarding all of the abuse that was going on in my family). This boy was bugging me in a class so I asked the teacher to move me but instead he made a huge deal out of it and really punished the boy. After that the boy made my life a living hell for 2 years. I never told anyone what was going on. It solidified for me the lesson that I had to take what people did to me and never mention it--or things will get even worse.

But it is never too late to get some closure. Although I had not addressed anything in my past, for some reason I was motivated at my 20th year high school reunion to confront this boy (now a married man with children of his own). I swear to this day he is the only person I've confronted in my entire life! I took a huge chance because I had no idea how he would react. I told him exactly how he made me feel and the enormous effect that it had on me. The man was completely mortified, humiliated and apologized profusely. You may not be able to do something similar but perhaps you could address them in another way that could be helpful to you now. I've never been big on the letter thing that a lot of people use and I am not creative enough to come up with a suggestion but it might be something to think about.

 

[Kintsugi]

That's awesome, Law! Good for you for taking that risk, and I am really glad to hear his response. I think most bullies have no idea that they were bullies. My fiance was a huge bully. I know he was. I know that he now knows he was a bully and did many things he is not proud of today.

Awesome closure story.

Heather, if you cannot do letters or any other form of confrontation, I will totally try to write a short story of your experience or otherwise integrate it into my writing. My revenge thus far is that someday my work will be published and it will expose a lot of the terrible things people have done. It may never reach their ears, but it is one form of exposure. I know that the idea of having somebody else handle your life's struggles is probably not attractive, but the offer stands for anyone on this forum. A huge part of what I would like to do in my greater writing life, particularly after I become at least somewhat published, is to exact revenge for the many people I love by exposing the harm that has been done to them in the most compassionate way possible. Maybe this sounds silly. Oh well.

More hugs. (((Heather)))

 

[Heather]

I know that the idea of having somebody else handle your life's struggles is probably not attractive,

Actually that idea sounds VERY attractive especially since my brain is clogged and muddled these days. I literally forget what I've forgotten. It's awful. I'd totally love for you to do it:).

Thanks Sunshine! And quite frankly I'm too exhausted still to come up with any revenge scenario.

I'll start with the "easiest" one:

I was in the 9th grade our math teacher had asked us to help clean the chalkboard and then wash out the erasers. We went into the bathroom. There were these girls in there who wouldn't let me leave but threw out the other 2 girls from my class. Why they didn't tell my teacher what was happening I will never know. They called me names, threatened me, wouldn't let me leave. I was scared. Didn't know what they were gonna do next. Finally the girls from my class came back into the bathroom and I left with them.

I never told my math teacher what happened. The next day in gym class those same girls were there and I told my gym teacher what happened. She called them into her office and they told her the truth about what happened. They acted like they did me a favor because they DIDN'T beat me up. My gym teacher basically took their side and said she's seen me be snotty with friends and maybe I was acting that way in the bathroom.

I felt defeated.

 

[Lionheart]

The title of this thread caught my attention and reminded me of something; I had been talking to my "t" about the long-held and mistaken belief that I was unlovable and 'less than' other people. My "t" said to me, "maybe having been traumatized doesn't make you less special, perhaps it makes you more special." :) Not to say that survivors are better than anyone else, just saying that as *we *(trauma survivors) heal, we become 'strong in the broken places' and maybe this makes us a little bit special in a good sort of way. I like to think it does. :cool:

 

[Heather]

perhaps it makes you more special." as *we* heal, we become 'strong in the broken places' and maybe this makes us a little bit special in a good sort of way.

Interesting. In what way are *we* more special and in what way do *we* become strong in the broken places?

 

[Lionheart]

Interesting. In what way are *we* more special and in what way do *we* become strong in the broken places?

:eek:I apologize Heather,
"Strong in the Broken Places" is actually a term I picked up which references a book on overcoming childhood trauma by Margret Michel.:confused: It is something my "t" used to refer to a lot. Is like the idea that we become stronger as we heal, kinda like warriors (who have survived many battles). I wish I could explain myself better, ..:( I don't know how to explain the book :(

 

[Heather]

wish I could explain myself better, ..:( I don't know how to explain the book :(

You did just fine:D;);). Maybe I should get the book while I have the cash. My ex. was finally made to cough of up his arrears re. child support (thank goodness).

Hugs to you Lionheart.

 

[Nicolette]

This is a very old thread but I'm resurrecting it because I was tortured mercilessly in the 7th but especially 8th and 9th grade.....................I can't say anything else about it right now because it's too painful and humiliating.

From what I have read here I think many of us have been bullied at some point. It does however seem that those who have had the harshest of treatment seem to be the kindest and thoughtful souls to others who have been wounded.

I read many a Sufferer supporting another and trying to boost them back up to a place of self worth.....if only some could do that for themselves as well.

Being bullied throughout school was the norm for me and the greatest 'recovery' from all of it for me was having the guts to go to the 10 year reunion where I had ended up in a more successful place than those who were the bullies. In fact I had also lost all my weight (was forced to eat everything on my plate as a child so was chubby as most of the food was fattening European cooking), had my own business (now company) and even in image I had my moment of glory when I walked into the room and stood there watching them whisper amongst themselves trying to work out who I was.

They were no better than me - but I made better life choices than them and I guess it was my determination to prove people wrong who said I was not capable which ended up being my biggest attribute.

I actually feel little pain from all that bullying anymore as I feel that 10 year reunion gave me back what they stole from me.....some self esteem or maybe it was I found it again after seeing what I had seen. I will not judge them or put them down but I am proud of all the things I was teased for as they made me a more fortunate adult.