When you panic about bad things happening, instantly trembling and shaking and so scared, even though nothing bad is happening, but that doesn't matter, all day every day
When nothing bad is happening, but you feel awful, panicked and powerless. You tell yourself it's over, but it doesn't feel over, because certain people are still in your life, even if you only see them a handful of days a year, and they have no control over you anymore, even when those people themselves seem changed over time. But it doesn't matter, the panic has a solid hold over you. And makes you feel afraid to be authentic, and stand up for yourself, to be sure of yourself.
You're so afraid of people getting angry.
You're so afraid of being abandoned.
You ruminate over the past and circumstances of your life. You think things will never change. Friends are undependable, one step away from abandoning you for being too depressing and troubled. There's no safe family to return to. Even if there is, the thought of (well, for me) my father troubles me emotionally and physically too much, even though he's not around.