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You Know You Have PTSD When...

@Mercy : thanks for your response. Well I have told my T about this even last year to another T. They both have said to me that i am actually wasting my time thinking about them and giving them control. I used to want to ask them about all the hurtful things they have done but now i don't talk to them or see them. However, when I get somewhere in my life and when i get to see my father (he's living in Asia right now looking after his old mother), i mean when he comes to NZ, I will confront him! I have not tried shutting that man up but I will do it when I become successful, I don't see the point in arguing with him right now. Well I have already disowned him from my life but he was the first abuser in my life who berated me, tried killing me and my mother, humiliated me, discriminate and disrespect women, hated me because I was JUST a girl! So the day I become a woman of my dreams and have an identity I WILL confront him! However, for the rest of the abusers I don't have anymore energy to waste on them because I have wasted enough energy over them in the past 14 yrs, they are just not worth the fight. ALL my abuse primarily relates to my father because if he hadn't treated us the way he did we wouldn't have been in this country or getting into further abuse by my mother's siblings.

According to me, his JUDGEMENT day is the day I become the person I want to be (i.e. a strong female figure) and that is the day he will HAVE to answer my questions!! I AIN'T letting that man go to hell without confronting me! I know this will waste my energy but he has destroyed my childhood!
 
When you're feeling triggered and anxious and a little bit like you're starting to dissociate while you're taking food out of the refrigerator for dinner. And you close the refrigerator turn around lean against the counter and use some grounding tools to try to calm down. And when you finish you look around and realize you left a bowl of pasta sauce on the counter that was supposed to have gone back in the refrigerator.
 

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