As long as we don't also do mate, mate. ;)
Oh my gosh!!!! Last night I tried to get myself committed for a bit because I was bored! I didn't feel suicidal at all, I just felt like going to a psych hospital for a wee bit for a change in my routine!!! Totally crazy! I am glad that I woke up in my own bed and that the ways I tried to get committed didn't work! (Obviously if I truly needed to be committed, I would have been. I just didn't go into total lies to get me there, and I'm glad.) I won't be doing that again.
I used to have panic attacks, ( a few threaten these days, but so far I've been able to control them). The one that was one of the worst was when I went to dinner with my family at a restaurant. (I remember the lighting was kind of dim, which made things worse.) Anyway, I was sitting there with Dad, Mom and my two sisters and suddenly I felt like I was in a fishbowl, looking out and not being a part of them, the situation. I think I know why it happened. My family was so messed up in so many ways, that when we went to a restaurant as a "normal family", my mind felt that this was such a total joke, I couldn't take it. I left the table and went outside for a bit until I got control of myself and was able to go back to the table and continue the charade.
I believe it was what enabled me to endure childhood, (a survival method.) Even now I feel like I live a charade, to survive. I look forward to the day my 'mask' will no longer be needed to keep me OK, but it hasn't happened yet. I agree with your above post that you can sometimes tell if someone really wants to know how you are doing, by saying, "Really? Are you ok?" Sometimes friends may ask it as a greeting, (which is really common), but sometimes if you tell them how you're really feeling, they will stop and care and talk to you. Of course we would be surprised, but real friends care. :) Thank you for all of your insightful and thoughtful posts!!!
