Your Best Advice For "special Events" Anxiety

[SeekingAfrica]

Hi,

I was wondering if I can gather your best tips on dealing with going to an event that you can't/don't want to skip? My friend is getting married in another city, which adds few layers of anxiety, although it's also a wonderful event.

I am def. going, so I am just gathering as much advice as I can so I can go, and enjoy it, and not have to leave early or something.
Things I am doing: trying not to overthink decisions, journaling, writing on here, possibly trying otc herbal anxiety medication, exercising, trying to eat a little healthier(with enough vitamins) and trying to plan/prepare enough so that there are less things that can freak me out that day.

What else could I do? What do you guys do?

 

[Sandstone]

I'd plan alone time into the day. How you present it depends on how close you are to others. You can just vanish, or say I need some down tim enow, or you can need to go to your room to re-do your hair, change your outfit or your shoes. Knowing that I have half an hour of quiet with no demands on me coming up always helps me. And "These heels are killing me, I'm just going to pop upstairs and put some flats on" is always a credible reason.

 

[Sideways]

so I can go, and enjoy it,

For these types of situations, I personally find it critical to remove the expectation that I "enjoy myself" as well. The fact that you're determined to go is a really big deal. Whether or not you enjoy yourself, you're going, knowing in advance that you've got Anxiety that's going to be following you around.

Personally, it makes it too hard for me if I also have the pressure of my brain doing the whole "I should be enjoying myself, why aren't I having fun, everyone else is enjoying themselves, I'm a terrible person because I'm not enjoying myself, AAAARGH".

Removing the expectation that you should enjoy yourself (maybe you won't - that's actually okay), frees you up to take it as it comes. It's a big deal that you're going, enjoying yourself would just be an awesome bonus.

 

[DucatiGirl]

I had a friend who built me into the wedding planning so I would have a job to do during the reception which kept me busy and feeling helpful. That kept me in the background and around the edges and busy so I wouldn't overthink. But the bestie and his wife are awesome like that :)

 

[EmmyC]

I had to drive a mildly long distance not long ago and my tip to uoi is don't be afraid to take as many breaks as you need. Make it a shorter distance. Look at the route you need to take and chop it into peices. If you notice a lot of conveniance stores, rest stops, restaurants along the way, son't be afraid to take all their addresses in advance and go from one to an other. I usually use jack in a box and mcdonalds. Since they are about 15-20 mins apart, sometimes less so i will drive to a mcdonalds in the direction i need to go, park, exit my car, go to the washroom, or even get just a diet soda for a dollar or just sit in my car, put loud music and close my eyes and beath. Sometimes i will even take a 10 minute walk in the area and Go back in my car, put the address of the next fast food or my next stop and drive 10-20 minutes then repeat. It feels a lot less scary when you tell yourself "ok just 10 minutes to do or just 10 miles" this works very well for me. It takes me more time to get there but i don't feel nearly as stressed and I am able to enjoy myself more due to it. Also leaving the day before and event like that helps me since i can relax and I know I am already there so there is no need to stress more. I also understand how draining this can be sometimes especially with the driving and the event and all. When events hits me like this I try to skip a minor activity to go catch a nap or meditate alone. Ex: i would skip lunch to have a snack and a nap and leave mid dinner to do the same. Telling my friend "I just don't feel too well, I will get refreshed and come back" and go sit in my car alone to just take deep breath or walk around. Never be afraid to go at your pace.

 

[Deleted member 40995]

Good for you for deciding to go, those events can be intimidating. If you have any other friends/acquaintances that will be going as well, maybe try to stick around some of them, being in a group of people you feel safe with can help a lot. I went to a wedding recently, didn't really know anyone there except the bride. During the reception, I found a seat near the back against a wall (being against a wall is comforting to me, I know no one is behind me, don't know if this would help you too) and stayed around there most of the time, I made conversation with some people around me when I wanted to, got up a few times to wish the bride and groom well, and focused on breathing steadily. There were some moments of anxiety, but having a spot in the room where I felt a bit safer definitely helped.

 

[Never_falter2]

I am not a sufferer, but my sufferer found asking for a place near the wall and near the exit and learning about the location/the exits before he goes helpful. Maybe it would be a good idea to tell the bride you might leave and tell her why.

 

[Gadgie]

That's exactly what I am like, if I don't get near to the door, I take a panic attack. It's the same if I find myself in a crowded room or store.

I thought it was just me, but since I joined this site, I've discovered that there many more like me, and in a way, I find that comforting, daft I know, but it does.

I never used to be like this, as when I was in the Navy we used to live in really crowded messes, and it never bothered me back then. Then later on in life I was a welding instructor, and used to give lectures to classes of up to 30 trainees, and that never bothered me.

This PTSD has really changed my life, in so many negative ways?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I had to drive a mildly long distance not long ago and my tip to uoi is don't be afraid to take as many b...

Thank you, this is such a lovely reply! I love your idea...unfortunately during this trip most of that wasn't applicable. I'd say I handled it okay, outwardly. I was travelling with buses(I don't have a car). I tried to keep busy in every possible way. It went okay, but it was exhausting since it was 4x 7h+ trips and my back was hurting a lot. And I feel too uncomfortable to ask the driver to stop, so I had no say in when we took breaks. By the end of the second trip I panicked a lot and after half hour of trying to meditate through it I gave up and took medication. The 4th trip, I ended up squished between 5 guys I didn't know at the last bus seat, and since my trauma is of sexual nature I ended up dissociating and freaking out most of that trip. Still, I got through it as best as I could and I was proud of that.

The wedding was the easiest part. It ended up small wedding, some of it was my family so more comfortable and the bride and groom were sort of introverts so they ended up not minding my desire to interrupt the bar at the end of the night and we all ended up going for night walk on the beach instead. The bad part was that everyone wanted to be busy all the time, and since my brother was there and I see him once in few years I didn't feel okay saying I need alone time instead of catching up with him. It was pretty chill hanging out, but I still usually need some alone time.

I was looking forward to coming home and being home and catching up on work and daily tasks...and now I have to travel again back there for some unexpected document stuff....so yeah...I am so exhausting my body is revolting at the idea of traveling again on Monday but I have no choice. I seriously feel like sleeping for 3 days straight...but I still need to get ready for the trip so not sure how that will happen....Like, today I was falling asleep over my food...I get brief surges of energy, do 2-3 things and then I get fever and huge desire to sleep again. And this trip can't be postponed. The only thing I have (some) control over is how I take care of myself before it, and once I'm there. I'll try to find time to make some sort of self care plan this time, clearly going by other people's needs isn't working for me.

I can't apply the making of a lot of stops to the trip, because of the bus and because I don't have enough money to make breaks between busses in different cities....but I may try to apply this rule in some way during the trip preparation and the trip once I'm there. The trip is happening no matter what, I just need to do it in a healthier manner this time, and not just to look as if it's okay to other people, but to really be okay.