General Your Love Is Like A Roller Coaster Baby Baby...... Do I Wanna Ride?

[NikkiNikki]

Thank you Nikki, I am doing ok. I have come to an understanding that it is what it is. I cannot make anyone want to be with me. I am still sad that I was so willing to work through things with him, found such a supportive group here, and he just was not into it. He is still active on the dating site where we met and I can only hope that he doesn't continue to get close to other woman and do the same to them. Its just not nice. But then again, he doesn't seem to have the "feelings" we normal people have (his statement) so he is probably not even thinking about it.

Wow. Sounds like we were dating the same person,lol. I was sad for a really long time too & I made a lot of "break up mistakes". I contacted him several times when I should have just left it alone & moved on. You can read my drama on here...it was awful.
I met my ex on a dating site too that he is still active on and I have the same concerns. The thought of him doing to some other girl what he did to me...well I hate it for the next girl. What he did plain ass sucked & it hurt a lot. PTSD or not. My ex was an awesome awesome guy who treated me like a princess & we were very much in love.

Anyways ((hugs)) it sucks, but it will get easier in time. Sucks that so many awesome men have this shit... :(

 

[Mockingbird13]

It sucks when you want to support them and you let them know you are here for them and that you accept them for who they are - but the wall they built around themselves is so high that they can't hear or see you.

I feel sorry for mine - so much he is missing out on, so much he will regret. Its like PTSD has robbed him of love, happiness, self worth, and any plans for a future. - Yes these were his choices to walk out and wash his hands of us and any responsiblilties - but choices made under the duress called PTSD.

Sadly I have accepted the fact this is as far as Im ever going to get with him. I love him, always have, always will - but he's doing what he feels he needs to do.

Nikki - you are right, I know it will get easier with time.... but it was just a journey I did not want to do alone.

 

[patience111]

Thanks Nikki and Mockingbird. I am doing the right thing and NOT contacting him. IT SUCKS. Every time I am on the "dating site" he is on there too. His face staring at me...blah...it is so true that they build these walls to block out hearing or seeing that there is so much love around them. I am still very sad for him, but I am focusing on moving on. It is nice that we all don't have to go about it alone. I cant tell you how shitty it is to have to hear the "I told you so's" and the "You should have run for the hills like I said"....No one in this world is perfect. I wish others would understand that and not be so judgmental. I can see why so many PTSD suffers shut out the "rest of the world" because some people DO just judge and never give anyone a chance. I can at least say I did that, despite it not working.
HUGS to both of you :) this has all got to be happening to us for a reason, one we may never find out, but I in my heart know someday I will

 

[NikkiNikki]

Honestly if I were you I would stay off the dating site for a while. Seeing his face & knowing he is on the prowl can be very painful. I know, been there done that. I flipped the first time I saw my ex was back on the dating sites after our breakup. How can you tell me your not ready for a relationship when your obviously looking for other women?? It hurt & I called him out on it. Which was a huge mistake on my part. We were also facebook friends for about 2 months after our breakup and it tore me up every time I would see something of his in my news feed. I should have deleted him, but I couldn't. Anyways now that I don't have all these constant reminders of him in my face things are just easier to deal with. Delete the old texts and emails from him, anything he has given you or left at your house. Get rid of it. Put it in a box and put it out of your site.

A lot of people do judge these men because they don't understand PTSD. I did not understand it either until I came here. I was always defending him & what he did. Everyone just figures they are assholes. Well yea what they did to us was messed up & pretty asshole thing to do, but its not just because they are being assholes. This is what this illness does to them. Over and over and over its the same story with these guys. Most people have no clue what they have to deal with & I would not wish PTSD on my worst enemy.

 

[NikkiNikki]

p.s. Good for you for NOT contacting him. Its really best that you don't. I wish I would not have contacted my ex so many times after we split. I regret it now, but o'well I was hurting & desperate for him to know my feelings. Whatever. Never again.

 

[patience111]

Funny thing is Nikki, He NEVER left the dating site, I did. And I DID call him out on it. Huge mistake, but everything I tried to talk to him about was a huge mistake.
So now im back on it. I dont want him thinking I am sitting here wallowing in his sorrows. I put a nice sassy sexy photo up, and am moving on...lol...its all I can do right?
So when I see his face, I just remind myself that everything happens for a reason and for some devilish reason I met this man. I can honestly say I dont want anything to do with him. I am jaded, he clearly likes to mess with people's head, whether unintentional (I do not think it is intentional, I think its the PTSD) or not. He is STILL dating people, leading women on, giving false pretense that he is this "fun loving guy" with no issues whatsoever.
It is his loss.
He lost someone willing to take him for AAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL the flaws. I am sure he will find "his one" someday. As will I find mine :)
P.S. I have deleted every text, his number, erased it from my brain, luckily, there was nothing in my house for me to get rid of. If there were, it would be LONG gone....lol...can you tell I am a little pissy today??? Hahaha

 

[Mockingbird13]

Im a little numb today - just got papers....divorce papers....I knew this was coming, but it hurts like hell..

 

[patience111]

Im so sorry Mockingbird :( HUGE HUGS!! I know it hurts, rips out your insides. PLEASE take care of yourself in anyway you can, remember you have to do whatever you can to take care of yourself. I am here for you to talk anytime!! <3

 

[Redheaded Stranger]

Oh Mockingbird13. I am sooo sorry. Damn. You have been so strong! Maybe he thinks he's doing you a favor by giving you an out, but we know that it still hurts. I know that was a kick in the gut and that it hurts so badly. I am so sorry. When I found out 2 weeks ago that mine was leaving for good, I made a big batch of cookies (yes I at them all) and that helped. Do you have any comforting thing that you can make or do for yourself???

I wish that we could help. You have all of the love and support and strength and prayers that we can possibly send your way. Damn PTSD. Damn. Damn. Damn.

love and hugs and tears

Red

 

[Mockingbird13]

PTSD - what can I say??? It hurts and festers everyone in its path. It locks on and never gives up. It damages the mind, the heart, the soul. It affects the weak as well as the strong. There is no one symptom - it is a chameleon coming out in different ways in everybody that has been attacked by this.

I accept that my hubby has this, but I am having a hard time accepting the changes that are now happening. I understand more with all of your help as well as the VA classes I have been going to, but that does not make it any easier. It like getting shot with a silencer - you may not hear it as much, but the pain is all the same.

Yes, he may be giving me my out.... an out I never wanted, but have accepted.

I hope you all don't mind, I would like to share a poem my daughter wrote last week -

The Night
It was a terrible sight when, He and They went out to fight.
It was a hard time for both of us, She and I cried all Night.
We lost him durring that Night

It was what he wanted, They had been training him for so many years.
But he never realized that soon he'd be facing his biggest fears.
We Lost him durring that Night.

Between the two of us, I wish it could all just go away.
Theres not much more that I can say
He had to choose between them or us, So are they the ones that created this?
We Lost him durring that Night.

Nothing could be done you see, They could no longer help you or me.
So, it was I that had to to begin to show no fear. Even though I felt my eyes begin to tear.
We Lost him durring that Night.

We began to question - Are we now the enemies?
We saved him from himself
On that very Night.

 

[patience111]

Mockingbird, this is such a moving poem. Hugs to you both.

 

[NikkiNikki]

Funny thing is Nikki, He NEVER left the dating site, I did. And I DID call him out on it. Huge mistake, but everything I tried to talk to him about was a huge mistake.
So now im back on it. I dont want him thinking I am sitting here wallowing in his sorrows. I put a nice sassy sexy photo up, and am moving on...lol...its all I can do right?
So when I see his face, I just remind myself that everything happens for a reason and for some devilish reason I met this man. I can honestly say I dont want anything to do with him. I am jaded, he clearly likes to mess with people's head, whether unintentional (I do not think it is intentional, I think its the PTSD) or not. He is STILL dating people, leading women on, giving false pretense that he is this "fun loving guy" with no issues whatsoever.
It is his loss.
He lost someone willing to take him for AAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL the flaws. I am sure he will find "his one" someday. As will I find mine :)
P.S. I have deleted every text, his number, erased it from my brain, luckily, there was nothing in my house for me to get rid of. If there were, it would be LONG gone....lol...can you tell I am a little pissy today??? Hahaha

Wow, are you sure we were not dating the same guy??? LOL