General Your self care strategy for the new year

[Never_falter2]

I do not think it is selfish no. It just reminds me of it... but I guess that feeling will go away after a while.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I’ve even been known to check into a hotel overnight. Lay around in my pajamas and watch TV. Order in food and not talk to anybody. It is awesome! I also do occasional girls trips or “slumber parties” with some of my female friends. We go shopping or to festivals out of state with no husbands or kids. Just being able to fully exhale and relax without looking around for a kid or your man needing something... it’s paradise!

I used to feel bad about leaving... I’m a single mom, and I always had my kids when they were little because their dad ran off. My sister finally talked me into taking a break every once in awhile for the same reason. If I don’t get a few hours to my damn self every once in awhile I’m going to lose my ever-loving, pea-pickin’ mind. I’m still a real live person if if I’m “their mom” and “his partner”. I gotta go be me every so often, even just for a night.

 

[OrangeJulius]

I don't really do new years resolutions or anything like that because if I want to change something in my life I just do it. But the current thing I'm working on doing more of in terms of self-care is praying and volunteering more at my church.

When stressed these things help me relax so I'm trying to make them more habitual.

Things I'm already doing habitually to improve my overall well-being: include working out regularly (HIIT and yoga), taking my dog on a weekly long hike, eating nutritious food, taking supplements, reading personal development books, limiting my "news"/"politics" consumption to 1 hr per day (usually a specific podcast I enjoy), going to church every Sunday I have off work (and listening to the sermon online the weeks I work Sundays), and seeing my therapist when I need to.

Things I do for myself because I like to: getting my eyebrows and bikini waxed every month, watching "girl TV" in my robe with candles lit and tea (or wine) on nights I'm home alone (my honey works nights), flying to see my sister and nephew whenever I gosh darn please, buying myself flowers at the farmers market that make me smile when I look at them, growing succulents in my planter box (I am terrible at this and sometimes think it causes me more stress), and not feeling guilty when I do nothing all day every once in a while even though my to do list is long.

 

[Never_falter2]

What’s you strategy when you totally do not feel like self care. Do it nevertheless I guess?

 

[Sweetpea76]

That’s when you need it the most. When you feel like you don’t even have the energy to spare on yourself.

Self care can even be taking a long bath or a nap if you’re exhausted.

 

[Never_falter2]

I do think I should do something for my beauty... I had a professional make-up done a few times for a special occasion. Do you get my English? I was astonished how good looking I could be but totally failed at trying to recreate it... but... tbh... I was always to lazy or to busy to spend much time on it... otoh I often spend time doing useless thing like worrying.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I love make up... there are a lot of interesting make up tutorials on YouTube now. I like watching them for inspiration and ideas. I went to cosmetology school, but make up has come a looooong way the past 10 years or so.

Lord, don’t let me near a Sephora with any spare cash lol.

 

[grimalkin]

I've been splurging on myself. The last 6ish months of finally living alone has been a journey for me. I bought myself a pair of kick-ass boots (I love boots - and I didn't have any that fit right anymore!). I'm refusing to wear clothes that don't fit right and/or make me feel good. I'm finally (!) reading, writing, and starting to want to do art again. I set up a makeup table for myself, including mirror and lighting (and I'm still pretty proud of that!), and I'm actually doing makeup on occasion. I'm about to color my hair lol.

I've allowed my relationship with my sufferer just...be. We're getting along better than we ever have, and he's finally looking into getting therapy. He hasn't actually done it yet. But he's thinking about it! :rolleyes: There is still zero intimacy/physical contact, zero talking about anything important (like, oh, anything that's happened in the last 2 years), so I still consider us broken up. And, there's been zero conversation about changing that so... But, I also recognize that my bringing it up will get us nowhere. Meanwhile, I'm living my life on my own terms. I know if I start dating, I'll have to tell him, but I'll figure that out if it happens.

So, I am getting support elsewhere. I don't and can't trust him to support me emotionally (after his completely invalidating my childhood experiences, I certainly can't talk about my journey in healing from my childhood with him!). I'm making friends, have a great therapist. I'm finally processing my own painful childhood (now that my mom is living close, and I lived with her for a year, and had to figure out WHY that made me crazy) and acknowledging and accepting that it was...not good.

And I'm finally realizing I'm allowed boundaries, and my house is MY house. I didn't even really decorate for Christmas because it was stressing me out - and I realized - I don't NEED TO. It's MY house. If I want to put up a lone decoration and call it good, I'm allowed to do that! If I want to leave my clean laundry unfolded on my COUCH until I want to deal with it, I'm allowed to do that too! This was, seriously, a revelation for me.

Hell, buying a couch was and exercise in enforcing my boundaries. I KNEW what kind of couch I wanted - sufferer never liked it, so we never got it when together. Mom didn't like it. It seriously stressed me out that I was going to buy something FOR MYSELF that they didn't approve of. Then I realized, I've liked this couch for at least five years. It's MY HOUSE. So I bought it. I LOVE IT. (Ironically, sufferer and mom also ended up thinking it's actually really nice, and perfect for my space)

And yes, I think the biggest thing I've done for myself is breaking the cycle of codependency and abuse. I'm learning how to navigate my (emotionally abusive, possibly narcissistic, but also definitely emotionally abused as a child herself) mother as an adult - and she is healing and growing in the process as well (setting and enforcing boundaries has been incredibly helpful with this).

ANYWAY. Self-care. Yup. For me, my biggest step of self-care has been realizing I'm allowed to do what I need to, and it's OK to buy a pair of expensive boots! And a couch! lol

 

[NaeNae75]

I've been splurging on myself. The last 6ish months of finally living alone has been a journey for me. I bought myself a pair of kick-ass boots (I love boots - and I didn't have any that fit right anymore!). I'm refusing to wear clothes that don't fit right and/or make me feel good. I'm finally (!) reading, writing, and starting to want to do art again. I set up a makeup table for myself, including mirror and lighting (and I'm still pretty proud of that!), and I'm actually doing makeup on occasion. I'm about to color my hair lol.

I've allowed my relationship with my sufferer just...be. We're getting along better than we ever have, and he's finally looking into getting therapy. He hasn't actually done it yet. But he's thinking about it! :rolleyes: There is still zero intimacy/physical contact, zero talking about anything important (like, oh, anything that's happened in the last 2 years), so I still consider us broken up. And, there's been zero conversation about changing that so... But, I also recognize that my bringing it up will get us nowhere. Meanwhile, I'm living my life on my own terms. I know if I start dating, I'll have to tell him, but I'll figure that out if it happens.

So, I am getting support elsewhere. I don't and can't trust him to support me emotionally (after his completely invalidating my childhood experiences, I certainly can't talk about my journey in healing from my childhood with him!). I'm making friends, have a great therapist. I'm finally processing my own painful childhood (now that my mom is living close, and I lived with her for a year, and had to figure out WHY that made me crazy) and acknowledging and accepting that it was...not good.

And I'm finally realizing I'm allowed boundaries, and my house is MY house. I didn't even really decorate for Christmas because it was stressing me out - and I realized - I don't NEED TO. It's MY house. If I want to put up a lone decoration and call it good, I'm allowed to do that! If I want to leave my clean laundry unfolded on my COUCH until I want to deal with it, I'm allowed to do that too! This was, seriously, a revelation for me.

Hell, buying a couch was and exercise in enforcing my boundaries. I KNEW what kind of couch I wanted - sufferer never liked it, so we never got it when together. Mom didn't like it. It seriously stressed me out that I was going to buy something FOR MYSELF that they didn't approve of. Then I realized, I've liked this couch for at least five years. It's MY HOUSE. So I bought it. I LOVE IT. (Ironically, sufferer and mom also ended up thinking it's actually really nice, and perfect for my space)

And yes, I think the biggest thing I've done for myself is breaking the cycle of codependency and abuse. I'm learning how to navigate my (emotionally abusive, possibly narcissistic, but also definitely emotionally abused as a child herself) mother as an adult - and she is healing and growing in the process as well (setting and enforcing boundaries has been incredibly helpful with this).

ANYWAY. Self-care. Yup. For me, my biggest step of self-care has been realizing I'm allowed to do what I need to, and it's OK to buy a pair of expensive boots! And a couch! lol

You're my spirit animal today! Hugs!

 

[Never_falter2]

*lol* We should have a haircolour/make up/boots thread in the private section. (If you want us to)

 

[ms spock]

I am practising not comfort eating, not boredom eating and not stress eating. It is making a huge difference in my life. I can do this because I have spent a couple of years practising Kristin Neff's Self Compassion from her website, read David Burn's book "Feeling Good" (if you haven't read his book it really IS THE BOOK to read), and done therapy and a ton of other stuff like exercise and Mindfulness (not good for a lot of people with trauma) and I read a good book on anxiety, Radical Acceptance and I have one that I am reading on boundaries.

 

[Never_falter2]

I think Vet needs this book... or not because he likes comfort eating... not sure... what do you do instead?