Youth Group Leader: Flashbacks

[Healing Reins]

So basically as some of you know I'm in youth group and we just went on a retreat and I had like only one flashback/ nightmare The thing that's bothering me is my youth group leader.

I had a flashback and she continually thinks I'm faking the flashback. All I know is that I'm not and I would never fake a flashback. I don't know what to do so it's frustrating.

Like she doesn't understand when I have a flashback it literally is hard to breathe.

All of this makes me want to end the relationship. Am I bad for that?

 

[FindingMyself88]

People who have never experienced what we experience can be very judgmental. I too was in a youth group from high school on. My youth pastor use to think I could just control my depression and would say very hurtful things. I moved away to college and my associate pastor here knows I have C-PTSD and he told me "This is just your struggle, no one can tell you how you should act. God isn't mad at you so no one else should be."

My advice is try to talk to her one on one, when you are in a good place emotionally. Try to explain to her. If she doesn't listen, then that is all you can do. If it doesn't work, I might would look for another youth group. Had I known back then what I know now, I would have changed youth groups.

Best wishes and take care of yourself ((hugs if okay)). We are all here for you!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

No you're not bad for wanting to end the relationship. I suggest trying to talk with her one last time and explaining what is happening. That way you'll know you did all that you could to work through her misunderstanding (and subsequent judgement).

Her behavior is very un-god-like and I personally wouldn't want to be part of a group who's leader judged me so harshly.

 

[Healing Reins]

Thing is, I have talked to her one on one about this. I just can't be told I'm manipulating her when I have a flashback. I love her but I'm fed up.

 

[FindingMyself88]

If she is saying that then I do think you need to find another youth group. I know the damage that was done to myself by staying. It held me under a lot of condemnation. Please do what's best for you!

 

[Healing Reins]

Okay, thank you so much! :]

 

[FindingMyself88]

You are welcome. Just remember that God knows your pain and he is not saying "just get over it." He wants to help you, and people who are truly christians should want to as well!

 

[TimeToHeal]

How awful for you, @Taia12896, I'm so sorry. Is this a peer group leader who is close to your age, or someone older? And is she aware of your traumas, and/or the PTSD? I only ask because if she is young she may simply not know any better, especially if she doesn't know what you've been through. (Not that that makes it ok). If she is older, I think that would be worse and regardless of her opinion, she should try to be supportive instead of accusing you of faking. Even more so, given her "leadership" role! Ugh! Sorry, it just really irritates me that someone who is supposed to be a safe and positive role model would treat you that way.

But to answer your question, no, it's not bad of you to be thinking of ending the relationship with her. A youth group is somewhere you should feel safe and comfortable, not judged and accused of being a fake.

If you think she is just naive to your situation and what you are going through, the perhaps talking with her and explaining (as much as you are comfortable with), a little about PTSD would be helpful. But if you don't feel you are able to do that (which would be understandable), or you don't think it would help, then I don't see why you should keep subjecting yourself.

I hope this a little bit helpful - sorry it got kinda long!

PS - I'm glad you only had the one flashback, I know you were worried! :hug:

 

[Healing Reins]

She's older and knows about my trauma(s?) I put the question mark because I feel like one doesn't really count. But yeah she's older :]

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Well then I think you have done the best you can to mend the relationship. I think you should trust your instincts. It does seem that moving on would be a good thing. We all just want to be accepted, and I just hope that when she's going through a rough time in the future, that others don't treat her as harshly as she has treated you. Nobody deserves that! (Even when they have done it to others.)

 

[Healing Reins]

Thank you all so much for your support! It means so much! :]

 

[LilBit]

I cannot say exactly what I would like, don't want to put my business out there. But I had a bad experience as a child and the worst damage was not what happened to me but how the significant adults in my life handled it. I understand them and feel like they did the best they knew (and could have done much worse), but still.... As per a "church leader", in many churches those folks are volunteer. And while they may be sincere in their love for the Lord, they are NOT educated or trained in counseling. The worst damage done to me was making me feel to blame, and not keeping my confidentiality. (The preacher's wife I confided in passed on my private letters to her to the church's senior pastor without my knowledge or permission.) So now who knows who may ever see or know my business even decades later. I am now 45 and while my faith in God remains intact, my trust and relationships within the church have never been the same.