Youth Group Leader: Flashbacks

[TimeToHeal]

Well in that case, I would get away from her. You don't need the added stress of all of that. Surrounding ourselves with positive, supportive people and energy is one of the best things we can do, I think.

:)

 

[Healing Reins]

Do you guys think I've put too high expectations on her? Because she isn't informed about PTSD well, maybe I'm trying to get her to be a support that she can not be. Not trying to be rude when I say that! :]

 

[LilBit]

It is not easy to be a support no matter how well you try to be informed.

 

[Powder]

What your leader is doing is wrong. It is now backed up by research that one of the major ingredients of PTSD is adults not believing the traumatized person. People who are believed and are made safe tend to aquire PTSD at lower rates then people who are not supported after the trauma.

So what that means is, staying in a relationship with an adult who fails to support you could actually make your PTSD worse or could cause PTSD if you only have PTS. I don't think that's good for you or anyone.

Then, there is the added term "re-traumatization," which therapists use to refer to what is actually happening inside of you when you are having a flashback and someone emotionally traumatizes you by invalidating your life experience and identity. (This really bothers me that people do this, by the way.)

The choice has to be yours; it's important that you feel empowered, so I would not say what I think you should do. I can share that I think you have done your part, and you can chose what to tolerate from unsympathetic adults.

I find it more re-traumatizing that church was a place of support and that support has been withdrawn by this trusted adult. I'm so sorry. That has to be painful. It is hard to see leaders who are not equipped to do a fair job for young people. I believe in the power of having safe adults for young people to be able to talk to about anything. I hope there is someone else you can turn to.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

In a word, no, I don't think you're expecting too much. She called you manipulative. That is an insult to you and sufferers everywhere. I think all you were asking for was a little understanding. She couldn't even give you that! If she didn't want to be supportive she could have handled it in a million different ways that would have been better than saying you're manipulative!

 

[Healing Reins]

Thank you again guys! Your support on this is just so awesome. So thank you! :]

 

[digger]

Do you guys think I've put too high expectations on her? Because she isn't informed about PTSD well, maybe I'm trying to get her to be a support that she can not be.

Whether she's informed about PTSD or not, she's made a choice to work with young people and should be showing more understanding and support. The ability to do that should be a requirement for the job really. Are there other leaders you could speak to about this?

 

[Healing Reins]

Not really, I mean my parents really like her, and she's a really move person...just un aware... And I don't think I can handle that in this stage of recovery...

 

[Healing Reins]

Nice person *

 

[Healing Reins]

She said I was attention seeking. While having a flashback

 

[Echo]

@Taia12896 - the thing I don't understand is why she immediately decided you were being manipulative and fake, when you clearly were being neither. If I don't understand something, I try to find out what I don't know, or I reserve judgment. She immediately suspects the worst. Regardless of whether that is a Christian thing to do, it is not a very humane course of action.

If she won't listen to you, then maybe, if it is important to you to stay in that particular group, is there another adult who can educate her on your behalf? If after that, she still thinks she knows best, then maybe she has a rather major character flaw that will do you no good. I am sorry it has turned out this way, but maybe if someone sticks up for you, you will feel better supported.

I have a letter from my therapist for use in such circumstances. It is addressed 'To whom it may concern' and it clearly states my diagnosis, my symptoms, that I have no control over these symptoms and that I am in therapy to deal with my condition. It saves me having to explain and be disbelieved. Could your therapist do this for you?

 

[Healing Reins]

That actually sounds like a great idea! I think I'll talk to my therapist about doing that so I don't have to end the relationship.