So Lost It's Scary

[Punky143]

I don't even know what to say anymore, what to think and barely functioning. What's reality vs what my mental health warps. I don't know what keeps me going but something is. I don't know what would help lesson this but I do know I can't continue to feel this way. So today, I will do the bare minimum of one step in front of the other thankful I even made it out of bed.

 

[WillyKat]

One foot in front of the other isn't a bad idea at all. And noticing that something is keeping you going is good too. Pay attention to those things.

It's often difficult to understand what's real vs. what is just the PTSD talking. Something that might help is knowing that we tend to view everything in our lives through the distorted lens PTSD gives us. We're so beset by the fear, lack of comprehension, and even pain of that original trauma, that for all intents and purposes, it isn't real.

I was talking to my shrink a few months ago about something that happened in the restaurant of a motel I spent the night at. As I walked through the restaurant, a few firefighters laughed just after I passed their table. The first thing that popped into my mind was that they were laughing at me and I felt humiliated and confused. It was difficult, but I was able to just tell myself that they couldn't possibly be laughing at me: it wasn't like I was dressed in drag or something and we didn't interact at all.

This taught me that no matter how old I get (and I'm getting there), that six year old is still inside me and needs guidance and reassurance from the adult me. He needs someone to to see more clearly, to remove the lens once in a while and just use my eyes.

Hope that helps.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

So today, I will do the bare minimum of one step in front of the other thankful I even made it out of bed.

This is good. Taking things slow and being thankful for making it out of bed. Those are good things to help. And I am glad that you have something keeping you going.

I have been feeling exactly as your heading stated a lot lately- so lost it's scary. It's not a good feeling, but taking those steps to get through a day and out of bed one step at a time is helpful. I wish you the best in continuing to do that and to be on the search for the things you enjoy and are thankful for because perhaps they'll help you figure out more of what that something is that it keeping you going and thereby strengthening it.