It felt like the past years as Ive started to come out of a dense fog. It still does. Inbetween my days can still be pretty cloudy, but actually for the first time ever I am able to feel allright sometimes and see that the sky is blue and the sun is shining.
As you know I struggle with anger issues and breakdowns and falling apart, but unlike before It doesnt mean that it clouds totally over with thunder & lightnig as consequence.
So as I start to see the world and as Im starting to be able to be more present in my own life its like waking up.
Ive started to see the things that got lost during these long years of bare survival.
I realise I dont have lifeskills like people without trauma experience. Ordinary things. Like keeping house neat and tidy. Paying bills like electricity. How to keep a budget. How to in all be a responsible human for your own life. How to not live in a ditch. Not only in your mind, but outside it too.
Im guessing the fog blurred me to the extent that all this was inferior to the fact of having to overcome days of pain and confusion?
So now It seems that in order to heal and move forward these little, but yet so big everday things is things I need to learn and make habits of. To move towards something normal and livable.
It touches a popular topic here - namely shame. Ive been severly ashamed of my own being not only cause of the traumas, but the fact that I havent been able to stand on my two feets and perform the normal life duties. Perform lifeskills.
It also includes education and work.
Since Ive become member here its things that more rapidly then before dawns to me. I try now everyday to do this things cause Im sure they are part of the healing journey.
I wonder what others lost as a consquense of trauma and ptsd and how you overcome this?
As you know I struggle with anger issues and breakdowns and falling apart, but unlike before It doesnt mean that it clouds totally over with thunder & lightnig as consequence.
So as I start to see the world and as Im starting to be able to be more present in my own life its like waking up.
Ive started to see the things that got lost during these long years of bare survival.
I realise I dont have lifeskills like people without trauma experience. Ordinary things. Like keeping house neat and tidy. Paying bills like electricity. How to keep a budget. How to in all be a responsible human for your own life. How to not live in a ditch. Not only in your mind, but outside it too.
Im guessing the fog blurred me to the extent that all this was inferior to the fact of having to overcome days of pain and confusion?
So now It seems that in order to heal and move forward these little, but yet so big everday things is things I need to learn and make habits of. To move towards something normal and livable.
It touches a popular topic here - namely shame. Ive been severly ashamed of my own being not only cause of the traumas, but the fact that I havent been able to stand on my two feets and perform the normal life duties. Perform lifeskills.
It also includes education and work.
Since Ive become member here its things that more rapidly then before dawns to me. I try now everyday to do this things cause Im sure they are part of the healing journey.
I wonder what others lost as a consquense of trauma and ptsd and how you overcome this?
