Attachment Difficulties From Early Years Trauma Or Developmental Trauma

[EveHarrington]

@Kaluki

If he's cramming a weeks worth of patients into one day I may not get in for months. I have always been able to get in the same week in the past.

I will know the full reality of the situation tomorrow.

It's a potential issue right now as I need med refills.

If this is a step down and the practice will be closed, that's where the bigger issue comes in.

His receptionist will be in the office at 9am so I'll know then.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

@Kaluki

If he's cramming a weeks worth of patients into one day I may not ge...

You could always book well in advance

 

[Deleted member 33880]

I go see my T tomorrow after the last rather disastrous session. my husband is coming with me for support. I am hoping it will go okay. I sent him my journal entry via email so he knows where I am at. I am hoping we can talk sensibly tomorrow without me getting too upset.

 

[EveHarrington]

@Kaluki

I plan on doing that from now on. I was lucky to get an appointment tomorrow. The next opening wasn't until August! Tomorrow I'll book my November appointment. So far so good-----I really hope my psychiatrist will continue his private practice for the foreseeable future.

 

[kiki66]

Thank you for posting this thread. I don't know how to have a healthy attachment to anyone.

Last week in therapy, I "met" two, distinct child-parts that hold the feeling "I don't belong." They would rather run away than be abandoned again. I wonder if they know they have each other, or if they don't see that and truly feel alone? I get the feeling that they come and go together, but may not be aware of each other's presence.

One of the practical skills I am trying to gain in all of this is to be more responsive and emotionally available to my kids. They are great kids, and it's not fair to them to have a semi-detached mom. I really don't have those skills though - my instinct is to freeze when someone gets hurt or angry, and with 3 kids there's always someone hurt, angry, or even just needy. And I am tired, physically and emotionally.

I watched the TED talk and will have to watch it again to get more of an "experiential" understanding of it. That is funny to me.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

Kiki 666 that sounds a rough tough place to be.
I have several child parts of me, at different ages. Not in a DID sort of way, more in the way that we have a mum part and a wife part and a daughter part. I have parts of me that are stuck back in teh traumas. They like me hearing them and giving them room. If I don't they can cause havoc. if that makes sense.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

My date for the end of therapy is
June 30th 2017
I am going to need some support to get okay enough to deal with this
my t admits it is horribly premature and bad timing for me (he is taking early retirement)

 

[sun seeker]

What kind of support do you need @Kaluki? Anything we can do?

 

[Deleted member 33880]

What kind of support do you need @Kaluki? Anything we can do?

I guess I need cheering on, listening ears for when I feel bereft and abandoned, reminding that I have tons of resources and will find a way to handle the anguish, lots of kindness, humour, commiserations, encouragement and frequent reminders that I have come a very long way indeed and am probably ready to be without the intense level of therapy I did with him. That kind of thing. :joyful:

 

[watundah]

Not sure if this is helpful but can you keep in mind that it is not the individual you are going to miss but the care giving, nurturing and so on? We don't really know our therapists. Sure, they may share snippets but really, do you know "him"? No. So the level of support you receive may be replaced or potentially surpassed by someone else. Yes, we love this person for what they give to us. And I hate that part, too. Mine never says anything about telling me that she cares about me. Part of me craves it and the other part is damn happy that she doesn't!! Im not sure if thats her style or a reflection of what she sees in me. Anyway...

Hang in there. Do you think that you will continue with therapy? It will be an interesting continuation of the therapy journey, I think, to find different kinds of support and insight.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

Not sure if this is helpful but can you keep in mind that it is not the individual you are going to m...

I think I will need support whilst I end with him, and in the near aftermath. It is hard to say how it will effect me since my first traumas were all about being literally abandoned for dead - so it is my core issue. I will miss how he is the nearest I have ever had to a loving parent, he cares about me, he loves me, he likes me, he admires me, he knows me. I relate to him as though he were my dad. Which is what makes it so hard. I told him last week that it would have been easier on me if he had died in a car accident - it would not have been him choosing to walk away from me. But then I don't wish him dead! I also have to remind myself that he isn't pushing me away, he keeps saying, ' we shall be two ordinary people meeting if and when we want to' and that is confusing as he doesn't know anything it seems about the guidelines for post therapy. Like most therapists advise that there is no contact at all during the first two years after ending. That wouldn't have worked for me. In the past my therapists that I have had to leave, have still been on the end of the phone for me when things got tough. Which I appreciated. I don't know my present T. I think he is probably exceptionally boring in real life, as he keeps hinting he is. He is a quiet, gentle sort of person. He is not the life and soul of the party. But I love him deeply, for being so kind to me, for loving me, my young me, into real and for being the kind of person who stuck by me when all else seemed to fall apart. I realised today that I was actually psychologically lonely and isolated for much of the breakdown, because my own husband whom I love dearly, was away at work and was also not wanting anyone to know that I was in a bad way, including our children, so I had to hide and I felt like it was all a dirty secret that I was so ill. that didn't help. I think over the next year we shall have lots of talks where we thresh out what could happen after we end. I think I would and will always relate to him like he is my dad. I think that is not going to go away.
Mind you, any therapists who have actively been involved in my life after therapy, have found it hard that I see them as my T/dad and so lean on them a lot sometimes.
this is going to be a complex journey.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think what people give in any profession is a reflection of their character & unique to them. Including dedication, wisdom, caring or not, burn out, or the absences of such, etc. Especially in the humanities/ working with people in any way. Really in everything. But in no profession is it the same across the board. JMHO though.

This:

‘I am TRYING to keep caring about you

and

he says I get more that I should get from him as it is.

would be quite enough for me, more than enough. as someone else said, ashes in the mouth there.

I don't know what I would do in your situation, I am very sorry @Kaluki . :( :hug:

Although, FWIW I don't get it, I thought today I feel like my experiences with wild animals or my abused dog. By the time I stop running it still remains quite hopeless. And far too interminably long a process for me to overcome my past. Or get enough strength & trust, I require baby steps far too small. Or daily strength & guidance I need. I suppose I have to accept the reality I'm more damaged compared o the norm than I thought I was, because I figured I'm still upright & working, so 'nothing' was that bad. Or am I? Is it a question of attachment issues, or past traumas, or fear, or depression, or triggers, or a pre-isolatory ptsd response? I know my shutdown dog thrived, but she wouldn't without my sister.

What the way out or through is Idk.