Sexual Assault Discussing Childhood Sexual Abuse With My Pastor

[Changing4Best]

In order to be a volunteer for our church's VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL I have to discuss my SCA with my pastor tomorrow at 2PM. I have only ever discussed this in detail with a therapist once, at which point I was so freaked out by the discovering of it, that I left therapy for years afterward. I have mentioned it in therapy a few times, now that I have been back in therapy for about a dozen years. However, my therapists have never chosen to take it up in any depth, so I have not discussed it with anyone since something like 30 years ago!

Now, in order for me to be eligible to volunteer to work with the children at my church, I am required to discuss it with my pastor and she is coming to see me at 2PM tomorrow (Monday) Eastern Daylight Savings time.

I have no idea what she will ask me, whether she will deem me an appropriate person to work with children or what. I had no idea that I would be required to discuss this with her, when I volunteered to work with the children, I just found this out today when I was given my application and told I would also be given a background check.

I was never able to have my own children, I had 7 miscarriages. I long to be around children, yet I am a bit afraid to be around them too, since I have no real experience with them, other than seeing them at church or babysitting when I was a teenager, some 45 years ago now! I don't recall much about my babysitting experiences, except that one baby threw up on me and I let a pre-teenager smoke cigarettes and smoked mine with him and for sure his parents did not know that he smoked! I was a bad babysitter sometimes, but I did love the kids I babysat, now that I recall some of them. However, I will not be confessing that bad stuff, I don't think! It will not be helpful.

Has anyone here ever gone through such an interview? What are your thoughts about this if you haven't? I mean, I know if I were a parent, I'd want this to be part of the application process for sure, but to have to go through it myself, I am nervous!

 

[DreamLover]

That is a tough situation. Why are you required to discuss it with your pastor? And how does the pastor know? I'm not trying to be rude, just genuinely curious how this has come to be.

 

[Changing4Best]

The application form for working with children in our church says that this is a required step, if one wants to work with the children of the church. In signing the application, I am agreeing to discuss this with the pastor, if I am a victim of child sexual abuse (and I am), so I am required to discuss it with her, if I want to work with the children of the church.

 

[DreamLover]

I see @SheilaKathy that makes sense. Well, I would suggest doing a little prayer or meditation beforehand to try and relax and ground yourself first. Then maybe start with her by saying it's a sensitive topic (obviously) but that you'd prefer not to go into too much detail. Unfortunately I don't have great advice because I cannot really imagine discussing my own experiences with most people. Anyway, good luck, I hope it goes well. And I hope you get the position you're applying for!

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes, those are good ideas, thanks. Maybe I shall read something in my Bible about mothers and children too. Like Proverbs 31.

 

[DreamLover]

That's a great idea. I love Proverbs :)

 

[Changing4Best]

I started praying already.... and God said that He wants me to do this, when I asked Him if He wanted me to.

 

[digger]

I know if I were a parent, I'd want this to be part of the application process for sure,

Why would you want it to be part of the process?

Background checks, fair enough. But having to declare on an application for a voluntary position if you suffered abuse and then have to face questioning about it is intrusive and way out of line in my opinion.

 

[Sideways]

This exercise should be focused on whether your trauma has impacted the way you interact with kids and if so, how. It you have a good relationship with your pastor, then the exercise shouldn't need to descend into voyeurism. The detail of your abuse isn't nearly as relevant as the subsequent impact on your dealings with children. I think your pastor is likely to not only respect, but see it as a good thing if you are able to talk about the generalities and put up a reasonable boundary when it comes to the detail.

The parents of the children want to know that you're not the 1 in 8 that have gone on to become an abuser themselves. So how you handle yourself is more relevant than brining up detail. I doubt your pastor is going to want to retraumatise you.

Awesome that you've volunteered. Hope it goes well for you:)

 

[digger]

want to know that you're not the 1 in 8 that have gone on to become an abuser themselves

Yeah, because those 'one in eights' who might be volunteering on that basis, are really going to declare it on their application forms so they can be grilled about it.....

 

[Changing4Best]

If I were a parent, I'd want to have someone's fact of some kind of therapy to do with this, I think. And I can honestly say that writing my trauma diary here, with full details of my CSA in it and getting support and love from all the members here for the past several years has helped me to heal enough from this trauma to want to venture forth and try to be helpful to children now. That is what I think I shall say, if I get the chance.

 

[Changing4Best]

I would not sign an application saying I have not experienced CSA, this would be a lie and I am not a liar. I will be truthful and at whatever cost. That is me. Someone else might lie, that is them. But that is not me!