Thanks

[Whyteferret]

many you have offered suport over the past few weeks. I thought this was a safe place.
Until another member basically verbally attacked someone for feeling triggered over a sexual comment made by a stranger. It's "buying into the feminist language" and as long as we do it, we buy into triggers and will not be mentally healthy.

No woman I know likes those comments, survivor or not. We are not sex objects. We do not deserve men to make comments just because they can.

I can't stay here. This isn't a safe place for me.

I wish all of you the best. I hope you find healing.

Be well.

 

[RussH]

No woman I know likes those comments, survivor or not

If you will go back to the thread you will see that I addressed the statement, as a member, and not a moderator. I do want you to feel safe here.
However members are entitled to state their opinion.
I personally did not see the statement that was made as a personal, verbal attack. However, again, I did respond to the statement and stated that any woman who hears remarks like will be offended whether they are mentally healthy or not.

I hope you will reconsider leaving and come back to the forum. We do strive really hard to ensure a safe place here for all.

 

[Kintsugi]

@Whyteferret, I agree this forum is not a safe place. We are protected here from personal attacks, and the forum is moderated in such a way to be fair to each voice. Otherwise, we are much like the world itself. There are no trigger warnings, controversial opinions can be aired, and sometimes extremely insensitive, ignorant garbage is what you get.

However, this forum is a fantastic community, and it has an ignore button specifically so you can tune out who you don't like and make it an even more fantastic community for your use, because you deserve an excellent resource to focus on your healing, all others be damned.

As a moderator, I can't use the ignore function, but over the years, I've gotten extremely good at either choosing to ignore BS or laughing my merry ass off.

 

[Friday]

Sounds like you're triggered.

Which means stepping away until calm again is usually the best idea. Doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't come back again. In fact, if you haven't read this thread ? Reading Forum Increases Symptoms! It may well help, a lot. So, too, there are a great many threads about dealing with being triggered by something read on here that you'll probably relate to. It's PTSD. Triggered happens. o-9o reactions happen. StressCup happens. Anger happens. Lashing out happens. Running away happens. And changing our minds happens. Stepping away for now doesn't mean having to step away forever. It's always your choice, though. I'll never argue that someone "should" stay, if they want to leave? That's always their right. Even if I hope they don't.

 

[EveHarrington]

I hope you stay!

I think this place is about as safe as it gets------I mean in comparison to the rest of the Internet (and worlds safer than social media!)

Maybe just take a break for now?

I think that having these adversarial moments teaches us how to better manage our triggers. I think that if this site was overly sterile, we wouldn't be growing/improving as much as we could.

I really do hope you decide to stay.

Do you know how to use various site settings to keep yourself safe(r)?

:hug:

 

[joeylittle]

This is most certainly not a 'safe place', if for no other reason than its not a homogeneous group.

People with PTSD have such a breadth of experiences, backgrounds, etc., that it would be impossible to make any segment of the population completely aligned with another.

However: it is a place where a lot of great and important stuff gets hashed out, expressed, commented on, argued with. And it's a place where people can hear the words 'I understand' without them seeming hollow.

I'm a woman - and speaking just for me, there have been times when I've gotten a compliment from a stranger in the form of 'hey sexy', 'looking good', such like. These would be considered catcalls and uncomfortable for some. I'm usually OK with them.

My personal line is having my body parts referred to, or being spoken of instead of spoken to.

I know women who are OK with those kinds of comments.

We all set our own line, on all things. The forum specifically penalizes for personal attack, which is not the same as disagreement, even when argumentative or possibly distasteful.

There was no attack in the incident you refer to, as per forum policy.

But: that doesn't mean you need to be OK with it, and it's not a reason to stay, either. Many people take extended forum breaks when they realize it's exacerbating their symptoms. Others use the ignore function. Others stick to certain areas of the board. Others decide to try out communication techniques.

Being upset by something here can be a springboard for positive personal change, if one is up for it. Or, it's a signal to take a break.

Most important is that you do what is right for you right now, to the best of your ability.

But generalizations like 'safe place', 'no woman' - these aren't the planks to stand on.

I encourage you to do what is right by you, whatever it may be.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I remember when I was thinking near the same thing. I was too terrified to be 'alone' with my head so i had to have force breaks from the forum, twice. The first time I took a week, i concentrated on my BPD and the DBT workbook and gave that my all. I came back very different...better. The second time I learned to stop ignoring signs that something is wrong. Today, I needed a break the other day when other posters were causing upset inside of me so I took that break on my own. One must look out for what you need the most as your mental health is the upmost important to you.

This site is wonderful but one must learn that what makes it so great is that its filled with many different countries, many different backgrounds which also mean many many different points of view where some "get it" but some may not. That can be one of the best things as you have many points of view for an issue where one or more may be able to help. But just like all of your opinions are respected and you wouldnt want someone to muzzle your point of view, nor should it be as that point of view is important in making this site so great; everyone else have that right as well here, to have all of their opinions respected and not muzzled. And i welcome all of those points of view as if i can be shown many different sides to my problem, one or more may be the answer in dealing with it.

Some of those opinions may be ignorant, but I welcome them as well. They may not help in my issue but they do help me to learn how to boundry set, standing up for what i believe in, what triggers me as i honestly dont know, what I need to work on as it may be something that soundnt upset me so much. Etc.

Just my view of things. It now up to you to decide if this site can work for you or not. Or you may need a break and thats ok. Decide what ever is best for you.