barefoot
Diamond Member
I've been seeing my therapist for a couple of years and we're about to start doing "the deeper work" related to my trauma.
I have sometimes dissociated badly during sessions when we start to touch into more difficult things, so we recently had a conversation about how we do the trauma work and manage my tendency to dissociate and reduce potential fall-out. She talked about finding ways to help me to feel safe in my body and suggested I practise doing body scans and to try to find positions that feel safe and grounded, which we could then use in sessions if need be.
Anyway...we then got on to talking about a favourite soft toy that I had as a child, which I used to sleep with.
I don't sleep very well...bouts of insomnia, lots of nightmares, night terrors, sleep walking etc.
At her suggestion, I retrieved the toy from my parent's loft a couple of weeks ago and I've been taking him to bed with me and falling asleep cuddling him.
My therapist's idea seems to be that if I can find ways to feel safe, comforted and soothed, we can use that in sessions if things start to hit the fan. I think she hopes that sleeping with the toy will soothe my trauma-based anxiety when I'm sleeping and that, if I use him when I do the body scans as well (so create more of a sense of safety in those exercises and positions) we can use him as a sort of anchor in sessions when things get difficult.
So...she's suggested that I sleep with him, use him in body scan exercises and take him to sessions every week.
I get why she is suggesting these things. The childhood associations I have with the toy mean that using him as a source of comfort makes sense. I haven't tried doing body scans yet, but I have enjoyed cuddling the toy in bed.
But I know I have some resistance:
1) I feel stupid taking a soft toy to bed at my age
2) I like sitting and cuddling him. But I feel ashamed of that.
3) I've taken him to the last couple of sessions and he's sat on the sofa next to me. I can't bring myself yet to sit and hold him in sessions. It's not that I don't want to...it's more that I feel mortified for wanting to.
4) I think I am partly cautious that this is my therapist's way of trying to sneakily do some inner child work with me. The very thought of doing that work freaks me right out.
I have a really good relationship with my therapist and have told her I feel embarrassed about it and that I don't think I should be sleeping with a soft toy at my age. She has been very lovely, reassuring me that this is about finding a way to comfort/soothe me, not about infantilising me and she keeps telling me how lovely he (the toy) is and how lots of adults sleep with soft toys. I guess maybe I just have to keep having him around so that I get used to it and get over the embarrassment...?
I'm interested to know whether anyone here has got a soft toy they use/cuddle/play with/whatever, if anyone has any tips around overcoming the embarrassment/shame I feel about it (will that just take a bit of time and getting used to it?) and whether people have taken toys to therapy sessions (and, if so, was it helpful?)
Thinking now that perhaps I should have posted this in the Therapy section...?
Thanks!
I have sometimes dissociated badly during sessions when we start to touch into more difficult things, so we recently had a conversation about how we do the trauma work and manage my tendency to dissociate and reduce potential fall-out. She talked about finding ways to help me to feel safe in my body and suggested I practise doing body scans and to try to find positions that feel safe and grounded, which we could then use in sessions if need be.
Anyway...we then got on to talking about a favourite soft toy that I had as a child, which I used to sleep with.
I don't sleep very well...bouts of insomnia, lots of nightmares, night terrors, sleep walking etc.
At her suggestion, I retrieved the toy from my parent's loft a couple of weeks ago and I've been taking him to bed with me and falling asleep cuddling him.
My therapist's idea seems to be that if I can find ways to feel safe, comforted and soothed, we can use that in sessions if things start to hit the fan. I think she hopes that sleeping with the toy will soothe my trauma-based anxiety when I'm sleeping and that, if I use him when I do the body scans as well (so create more of a sense of safety in those exercises and positions) we can use him as a sort of anchor in sessions when things get difficult.
So...she's suggested that I sleep with him, use him in body scan exercises and take him to sessions every week.
I get why she is suggesting these things. The childhood associations I have with the toy mean that using him as a source of comfort makes sense. I haven't tried doing body scans yet, but I have enjoyed cuddling the toy in bed.
But I know I have some resistance:
1) I feel stupid taking a soft toy to bed at my age
2) I like sitting and cuddling him. But I feel ashamed of that.
3) I've taken him to the last couple of sessions and he's sat on the sofa next to me. I can't bring myself yet to sit and hold him in sessions. It's not that I don't want to...it's more that I feel mortified for wanting to.
4) I think I am partly cautious that this is my therapist's way of trying to sneakily do some inner child work with me. The very thought of doing that work freaks me right out.
I have a really good relationship with my therapist and have told her I feel embarrassed about it and that I don't think I should be sleeping with a soft toy at my age. She has been very lovely, reassuring me that this is about finding a way to comfort/soothe me, not about infantilising me and she keeps telling me how lovely he (the toy) is and how lots of adults sleep with soft toys. I guess maybe I just have to keep having him around so that I get used to it and get over the embarrassment...?
I'm interested to know whether anyone here has got a soft toy they use/cuddle/play with/whatever, if anyone has any tips around overcoming the embarrassment/shame I feel about it (will that just take a bit of time and getting used to it?) and whether people have taken toys to therapy sessions (and, if so, was it helpful?)
Thinking now that perhaps I should have posted this in the Therapy section...?
Thanks!
