Relationship My Wife Left Me...

[Loveherforever]

After being married and perfectly hapoy--or about as close as you can get to perfect, every relationship has some bad days/times--my wife decided two days ago to just leave. She's been going diwnhillnfor a while and I've begged her to get help but she is reluctant to talk to a therapist. She's self medicating and living dangerously, really risky stuff. We were so happy together though and crazy about each other and not even two weeks ago she was telling people how much she loved me and couldn't live without me. She says she still loves me but that she's not in love with me anymore, that I bring her down bc I don't support her decisions--even though she admits they are bad decisions. I am so completely in love with her and would do absolutely anything to be with her. I'm so lost... I don't know what to do here. All of our dreams and plans and hopes for the future and our family are gone now and my life feels dark and empty. It was dark and empty before I met her and unjust can't go back to that. I need her and I know she needs me and that she is still in love with me but just doesn't know it or feel it anymore. I dont know what to do. Yesterday ibwas taken to the emergency room and put on suicide watch. How can it just be over so quickly and with no warning? Is there any hope?

 

[claire east]

After being married and perfectly hapoy--or about as close as you can get to perfect, every rela...

I speak from experience of ptsd I too told my hubbie I didn't love him when I was just pushing him away as I was scared to love him after my trauma I understand your pain in too was on suside watch but hang in there maybe give her a bit of time I'm here if ya need to chat

 

[Stickler]

...Ok.
Now, this is provided she comes back. Which she might.

You are not under any obligation to support her decisions.

You are advised firmly by yours truly here NOT to throw yourself into the meat grinder of attaching hard and fast to a slowly self-destructing person.

Now, I do not advise criticizing her decisions either.
I would talk in " I " messages. Tell her that "I feel fear, sadness, and pain when I see you doing dangerous and self-destructive things."

Then let her do it. Or not. Let go of her decisions because you can't really stop her from doing anything she is determined to do, no matter how self-destructive it is.

If she tells you she's in agony/sad/what have you? Just love on her. But don't tell her what to do about it? Ask her what she intends to do about that. If she asks for suggestions, I would give her options and let her think about it.

Options are: Therapy, psychiatrist/meds, narcotics anonymous, other support groups or programs, cold turkey on her own...pretty much, more or less? But most of those have to be tracked down by someone and she should do that.

If her PTSD is from child abuse or some other chronic abuse that she could not escape, a big problem she may have is "learned helplessness."
So feeling some sense of "I am working to find MY way out, I am working on liberating MYSELF," can be a key part of the process for chronic abuse.

She may not be ready to heal. You can't make her ready. You are not advised to have a serious relationship with someone actively using HARD DRUGS.
Marijuana and alcohol use is more of a case-by-case thing in my opinion.
Pot can be medicinal; but if your significant other is staring at the wall and drooling every evening on it there is a problem. Same with alcohol. There is a vast difference between two beers and a whole bottle of whiskey.

...NOTE: she is almost certainly afraid of you. Yes, you. She cares about you; you can hurt the hell out of her. People who she cares for hurt her; this is part of her heuristic. That the hurting can run both ways is not something she may feel?

...A note on boundaries: keep a very close eye on your thoughts and feelings. If you start to feel despair or even fleetingly think of offing yourself?
Time to let go.

...I do post my advice strongly. Mull it over and take what you need of it.
But the above is at least partly learned by getting it wrong with someone I...bizarrely...still have feelings for, but absolutely CANNOT work it out with.

 

[Loveherforever]

...Ok.
Now, this is provided she comes back. Which she might.

You are not under any obligation to sup...

Thank you. I just miss her so much and want to help her. I know I cant, though, and I'm really struggling with that. As we) as the sudden change...2 weeks ago we were perfectly in love still. It's so shocking and horrifying and strange and I just don't understand it.

 

[claire east]

Hi how's you feeling

 

[Loveherforever]

Hi how's you feeling

Awful. Idk how much more I can take. people keep making me feel like I'm just obsessed with her or something but I'm not... I'm just in love with her. Idk how to do this right now. It hurts to breathe most times and the only peace I find is in sleep.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Awful. Idk how much more I can take. people keep making me feel like I'm just obsessed with her...

I have been in your postion since Feburary. Call as many hotlines as you possibly can because that is as much closure as you can get. Also figure out what her condtions are and set up a meeting with a qualfied therapist asap.

Problem with talking to your friends is you will burn them out

 

[Gadgie]

You didn't mention his long you have been married for? My late wife and myself almost broke up, when we were going through a helluva lot of stress, after her youngest son came to stay with us?

We went through a lot of stress at that time, I hope you get the chance to speak to her, if you do, pick a neutral place, some where quiet where you can talk freely, it would make such a difference, good luck.

 

[claire east]

Awful. Idk how much more I can take. people keep making me feel like I'm just obsessed with her...

Don't worry what people say you can't help how you feel being in love is hard at times you will get there

 

[EveHarrington]

There is always hope.

:hug: