At A What Point Are You Too Broken For Therapy?

[theshadowoftheliving]

Exactly as it sounds. I have to switch therapists - again. Looking at therapist #9. Supposedly there was supposed to be a therapist I the practice that could take me, but now that looks untrue. this means I'm starting from scratch -again.

Im too exhausted to try again. Am I just too broken? I don't know when to quit, maybe. I'm tired of having different therapists that all have different agendas and not getting anywhere.

Maybe I'm just better off dead.

 

[Chem Lady]

I have felt that before too, but you are not better off dead!
I'm sorry you've got to change therapists again! I don't know why the world has to be so tough sometimes. But, we're still here, on this site, and we aren't going away.
I'm curious, have you not made any headway with any of your therapists?

 

[sun seeker]

As for your question: never. It's not your fault, you've had bad luck and not found a therapist skilled enough, dedicated enough, on the right wavelength, or whatever. Somewhere is the right person who can help you. I truly believe that.

Many times, I've felt too broken, so I understand the exhaustion and pain you are feeling. You sound so weary and hurt. Can you take some time to just rest before getting up and trying again?

When you are ready, let us help you brainstorm how to find the right therapist. From your post it sounds like you're not at that point yet. I'm really sorry it hasn't worked for you yet, but that doesn't mean it never will.

 

[Friday]

I've been too broken for therapy for awhile. Thing is, it's not the first time ;) I've actually been waaaay more broken in the past. And then I got better. Not all at once better and not magically better, but slowly more and more stable. And then the more and more stable I got, the better I was able to manage both my symptoms and my life.

Thing is, there's a degree of stability required in order to make therapy useful. At a bare minimum a person has to be able to participate. Just getting to that point can be fiendishly hard.

It took me a long time to get on board with the whole "get stable first" part. And therapy CAN definitely be a part of that process. But the progress at that point will be getting stable, not all the things I actually want to be in therapy for. Yo! I want help with this! Not that!

((I sometimes have a flatline learning curve. The whole walk before run, thing? Can't even tell you the number of times I have fallen on my face trying to run. Hard. I want there to be a shortcut. I want someone to say some magic words that just make everything make sense, and voila. I want to feel better, even if things aren't better, yet. And I have thrown some monumental temper tantrums (move over terrible 2s!), because I can see what I want, and I'm not there, yet. Or because 1 step forward 2 steps back, I'm getting fawking worse, not better, and it scares the living shit outta me. Or I'm just despairing, and tired, and hurting, and FFS does everything always have to go wrong???))

I had a chance a couple years ago to get back into therapy before I was too broken, again. I missed it. I did try, but bad luck, just couldn't get dialed in to the right people before I lost my ever lovin' mind, and my life went too sideways. So I've spent the last couple years both fighting that I'm too f*cked up at present to be working on what I want to be working on, and begrudgingly/desperately trying to shove my life into some semblance of order. Come on life! Just gotta like, shove this part here, that part there... Damn. Again. Noooooo :banghead:

TL: DR

I know this is a very long answer, and you may not be able to read all the way through it, but if so, the point really is that life is always changing. I've been too broken before, and gotten better. I'm too broken now, but unless I kill myself? Will get better, again. The only thing dead does is take away all hope of ever getting better.

 

[sun seeker]

p.s. And no, you are not better off dead. But you already know that. Or part of you does, and that's the part that will keep you going.

 

[Intrepid]

I guess it all depends on what you are looking for from your therapists. I started therapy back in 1988 and over the years my goals have changed. Out of all my therapists there was only two who were total failures (Their arrogance made them dangerously controlling). However, many of my therapists had little impact on the PTSD. Most were good listeners but had no sense of the process for making anything better.

My current therapist was able to set some ground rules that really worked for me. She basically said that the level of anxiety I was experiencing was getting in the way of working on the PTSD, so I needed to deal with the anxiety first. Other therapists had tried to set similar rules with me, but I couldn't follow them. I needed the anxiety more than I needed to deal with the PTSD.

Once I got a handle on the anxiety my current therapist pushed me into EMDR. That's working in its own way.

Maybe I'm just better off dead.

Be careful with saying things like that. Those parts of you that were damaged by the trauma can also be damaged by statements like that.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't think anyone is ever too broken for therapy?

Can I ask you how you find a therapist?

 

[Pencil]

Count me in.

 

[qwyoey]

Never. Maybe therapy in a professional setting isn't right for you yet. Lots of different sources of therapy, even slowly starting small like scents, acupuncture, massage etc. I hated to be touched so I started getting my nails done. Then slowly I was able to move onto physical therapy. Working with animals. Choosing clothes I like. Goals don't have to be so big. Start small

 

[KeepingTime]

I understand completely. The too broken for help part.
Fortunately I have had one therapist for many years and has never made me feel like that. But like someone above me said I attribute that in part to a good t will have healthy boundaries and establish rules and be consistent.

However, I have been "fired" by psychiatrist for, oh how did he say it, "I required more than he could provide." Or some bs like that. He didn't even have the decency to tell me to my face I found out after a hospitalization when I tried to make a follow up appt his receptionist broke the news to me. The next time I saw him (same building as my t) I confronted him.

One of the first things my t had me do was to commit to living. He explained to me that as long as I "had one foot out the door" I couldn't fully commit to therapy and that it wouldn't work. he really held me accountable for that and I now appreciate that. Tho there have been times I don't feel like existing, that is way different than being better off dead or actively wanting to die.

Please know that you won't always feel this broken and that some gorilla glue and duct tape COULD have put Humpty Dumpty back together if someone would have taken the time to care. You will find the right t. And you will get better. Just don't stop trying. :) you are worth it!

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Thank you everyone. I'm trying not to panic. But, I'm also really, really wondering how long I want to keep trying. I've now seen three therapists in the last year. Thinking about a fourth just seems too much. I don't know if I have the stamina to keep trying to make this work and going through the process of trying to truth someone just to have them tell me that they won't be seeing me anymore. I feel so burned.

I'm curious, have you not made any headway with any of your therapists?

Too many therapists, too many approaches. Too many changes.

You sound so weary and hurt. Can you take some time to just rest before getting up and trying again?

The problem is that I KNOW that the fall is really, really hard for me. Four trauma anniversaries in a three week span, then the holidays. So much hurt packed into such a short amount of time, plus the time of year when my work is busiest. I want to not worry about finding a new therapist, but I also don't want to set myself up to really fall apart in the fall. I've had three separate suicide attempts over the years, and they are all in the fall. I feel like I need a therapist before then, and I'm starting to run out of time to find one.

Thing is, there's a degree of stability required in order to make therapy useful. At a bare minimum a person has to be able to participate.

This is part of why I'm frusterated - I feel like I am willing and able, but I just can't find a therapist that will keep me on for longer than five months.

p.s. And no, you are not better off dead. But you already know that. Or part of you does, and that's the part that will keep you going.

I wish I could believe this, but I'm struggling. I'm not sure. I feel broken beyond repair and no one will help me fix it.

Please know that you won't always feel this broken and that some gorilla glue and duct tape COULD have put Humpty Dumpty back together if someone would have taken the time to care. You will find the right t. And you will get better. Just don't stop trying.

This made me cry. I feel like Humpty Dumpty, but instead, people are just sweeping the broken pieces up into a pile and throwing them away.

 

[qwyoey]

What happened this year that necessitated the change in therapists? I now have two therapists because after I year I needed someone more specialized in some particular things and they have been willing to work together, email each other, have phone calls. Maybe you would do better with a team if it is possible?