I'm Worried I May Be A Narcissist

[Astrid_Shadow]

I've looked up the symptoms to being a narcissist and I have all the symptoms...but I care for SOME people..does that still make me a narcissist?

 

[sedna]

Do you feel badly about possibly being a narcissist? I have a lifelong exposure to hardcore pathological narcissism. If youre comfortable I'd be willing to give my opinion on the signs you think you have. Generally, if youre worried about being narcissistic, youre not NPD. Everyone has some traits at varying degrees at some point in their life.

 

[Justmehere]

The fact that you are worried you may be a narcissist is a good sign you are not likely a full blown narcissist. Narcissists don't generally worry about things like that. Be very careful about self diagnosis of serious mental health conditions via internet. People go to sites like WebMD and look at symptoms and tend to walk away thinking everything is probably cancer when it's probably not. The same can happen with mental health.

If the main issue is not caring for others, this could be due to a variety of developmental, attachment, and/or other conditions that are not narcissism.

Trauma can play a role in a number of mental health conditions that affect what they feel and how they feel about other people, and how they view themselves. Trauma can make us believe things about ourselves that are sometimes just not true. Accurate self diagnosis is like trying to bite one's own teeth.

A qualified mental health professional can look at the whole picture from a position that is usually more objective and help sort out what is and isn't going on for you, and even more so, help you find a path to be more of the kind of person you want to be.

 

[Anarchy]

Wot Coco and Justmehere said:)

but I care for SOME people..does that still make me a narcissist?

I'll use the analogy of a swan, gliding over turbulent waters
you see the apparently effortless gliding on the surface, you don't see the frantic paddling that's going on beneath the surface

I'm coming to realize (with help from links in the threads suggested below this one) that narcs are a chaotic mess inside

their control freakery and constant ego trips, bullying and abuse that we see on the surface

those ego trips are how they try to appear to themselves in a sort of counter identification to what they are inside. The more the narcissistic BS we get on the surface, the more chaos there is likely to be inside the narc.

By you posting here, I'm pretty certain that you're not going to be a narc. You'd be far more likely to be boasting on social media or trolling to hurt people, or moaning about poor victim me, or teaching people lessons because they're all so stupid

I'm not seeing that in you.

How does a narc care about people?
they are capable of intense loyalty to people who serve some need inside them: but it's that need in the narc that it's all about, they don't care for the actual person beyond the narc's own needs.

Someone intelligent or successful that they can feel intelligent or successful by being friends with and esteemed by

a beautiful partner on their arm, who makes them feel beautiful (The worst narc I know :sick: is in his forties, every time I see him, he has a new, pretty and usually really nice girlfriend, who's in her late teens or early twenties - I seldom see the same woman twice, either they work it out and leave or he needs a fresh conquest and prey)

someone who looks up to them as a sage, a mentor or an example - and makes them feel wise and valued

someone who they can dismiss or belittle - and feel clever or powerful by abusing
and especially playing people off against each other - the parent or grandparent with a golden child :angelic: and a black sheep:blackeye:.

The person who treats you all nice when it's just you and them, and changes to bully you when someone else is around - or vice versa - they're nice when people are watching, and evil when no one is looking.

Beware of a certain person with a lot of youtube videos about narcissism. that person doesn't give you any leads for further reading beyond their own book.
They are also (allegedly) far closer to psychopathic personality than narcissistic.

anyway - long way of saying that by asking the question and being open to the possibility of being a narc - you're probably not one.

@

 

[Crow]

I said the same to my T last year. She answered by saying if I was worried about it, then I wasn't a narcissist. She did point out early trauma brings natural narcissistic behavior but that resolves as the trauma heals.

 

[sedna]

Good points Anarchy. I know of the certain person with a book you mentioned, I saw him in the UK many years ago before he was so well known. It's my opinion he isnt simply NPD also. I saw Borderline and ant-social aspects in him the more I got familiar with all his work. He was invaluable to me in the sense that when you are known to be dealing with NPD's or sociopaths, his take no prisoners approach to explaining them and what to do are almost perfect. I've had the misfortune of learning the hard way, that altering the approach to the psychopathic type individual is a catastrophe. This particular guy is NOT where you want to look for self diagnosis, you are absolutely right about that. Narcissists are universally incapable of taking any responsibility for their own behavior. They can mimic guilt, remorse or empathy really well, but not all of them. You can see the bad acting or empty performances in some. If you are a narc. then this wont really concern you, you'll be glad you aren't burdened with the actual emotions and only have to make a show of it. When people are upset or hurt by their behavior and try to get them to care about that they usually have contempt that shows in their face, and its genuine. They really are disgusted you care enough about them to get upset in a way, because they think life is just a big game of pretend and youre too stupid to realize it.

I've been involved with such extreme NPD my entire life that I'm more than familiar with many different types. I married a sociopath because he seemed more mature than my Narc parents...which I can sort of laugh at now, I thought he was normal because he wasnt dramatic. He was just smarter and more pathological. I was raised to have an instinctive acceptance of egomaniacs and tyrants, so I didnt see the million red flags.

I have narc traits now also, I didnt before I had intense trauma and have questioned myself also. Its numbness and disassociation from years of torture. I dont care about others the way I used to. If a neighbor is in tears because her cat got run over and I feel nothing but fake sympathy, have I become a narc.? No, I'm a blown fuse, my emotions are a little out of my grasp.

If I see a way to take advantage of someone and get away with it, I dont just take because I wont feel guilty now, I decide not to because its not what I want to be. Spotting the opportunity doesnt make me feel superior to the person with a weak spot either. These are the kind of thoughts you have that help you know the difference between a few traits and a disorder.

 

[EveHarrington]

Do you know any true narcissisits?

 

[Crow]

My mother is a true narcissist.

 

[ladee]

The sperm donor was a true Narcissist. My oldest sister is true Narcissist. My second husband , and the list goes on. I can spot one in a crowd!

 

[sedna]

I can too. My problem was that I would respond to them with exactly what they wanted, so they always pursued me with obsession. They sense when you were raised around it and it makes you a perfect victim , like when a shark smells blood. I hope you did better avoiding that as an adult than I did, ladee!

 

[ladee]

@coco9, I can today,not so much when I was younger. Just hard to explain the feelings you get off of one... just so cold and calculating.... very ugly indeed.!!

 

[Friday]

I'm a fan of laymen's terms.

"She'd suspected for some time that he was an obsessive compulsive with narcissistic tendencies. In laymen's terms that meant he was a backstabbing control freak."

See how much more useful that is?

Yes. I am a huge proponent of correct diagnostics. People can and do waste years of their lives running face first into a brick wall attempting to treat the wrong disorder. It is my very strong opinion that is nothing short of tragedy. Hell. It even has it's own word, where the tragedy of it is incumbent: travesty. Misdiagnosis is a literal travesty. The leap to pathologize everyone & everything? The pallbearers of it.

So don't start at diagnosis. Break it down instead.

I am fill in the blank .

Work from there.