Need Help Accessing Emotions

[NightSky]

I like my therapist and trust her as much as I'm able to trust anyone. I have been with her for a year and fortunately I am allowed to email, or she would know much less than I let on in session. I have very limited access to emotions in general, but virtually no access the minute I walk into her room. I don't know how to reach the level of safety in the presence of someone else, where I can allow feelings to surface. If they start to, I shut down and then I can't speak. She knows this. And it is a goal of hers now to get me beyond it. She understands it's not in my control, but I want to do anything I can to move the process along. Does anyone have any tips or experience to share? It's hard for me to imagine this could ever change. :(

 

[sedna]

I like my therapist and trust her as much as I'm able to trust anyone. I have been with her for a year...

NightSky, I so totally understand what you're saying. I had that problem and actually would take breaks from therapy because it wasnt doing any good. It was exactly like you said, I'd go blank in the office and it was a waste of time. Eventually I made a deal with my counselor, because I often had emotions or memories after I got home. I told him the only way I was going to stay in therapy was if he let me type up my thoughts and feelings and drop them off the day before my visit on paper, then during the visit we could talk about it, or not, but he'd at least know more of my history and mental state. Then he'd give it back so I could throw it away if I wanted. Over time I eventually was able to speak in person more, but it is still very hard to access any emotion in the presence of someone else. Its like a steel door slams shut. Its normal to feel a numb void when people are trying to get you to expose raw memories. It takes time, a lot of time.

 

[claroscuro]

Thank you so much for for posting this question. I also struggle with emotions, and the expression thereof, usually caught between either being overwhelmed or disconnected. Lately I've found using a feel wheel helpful in finding the words to pinpoint what I'm feeling, even if only to myself. It helps me feel more connected to it through being able to articulate it. The thought of actually sharing it with someone else, no matter how trusted, still remains daunting though.

I hope you find some good tips!

 

[NightSky]

NightSky, I so totally understand what you're saying. I had that problem and actually would take breaks...

Yes, I do this- I process everything when I leave. (I just can't process in real time. Partly because I'm an introvert and not a verbal processor at all). So I do email her. And a few times have written long ones she has printed and brought to session. She is very faithful at bringing up my emailed topics because she knows I can't verbalize them without a lot of prodding. I think I'm getting better at saying some things out loud but having any feelings about them while I'm with her seems impossible. I know it takes time- I'm just hoping it happens in this lifetime!!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Does anyone have any tips or experience to share?

Absoultely since I to go auto-numb in therapy, time. Its not easy to do but with time, 6.5 yrs directly after blame shifted things started to change in real life and therapy. 7 yrs now, 6 months after blame shifted, i cant access much but better than nothing and its getting easier. The last that Im going to be able to access in general and most certianly in there is likely the intense pain thats still there.

Time to trust, time to go through processes and peeling the layers back.

And patience with yourself. Loads of patience with yourself. :hug: I get it!

 

[NightSky]

Thank you so much for for posting this question. I also struggle with emotions, and the expression t...

Thanks for that tip! you helped me realize I may need to start identifying feelings when I'm alone, first. Like you, I vacillate between overwhelmed and numb. Gonna check out the feel wheel...

 

[Rumors]

Gosh I process everything outside of therapy too. As well, I go completely void if I feel any emotion coming on. I just go away. Completely. Numb. Nobody is home. Scary as hell.

 

[sedna]

Yes, I do this- I process everything when I leave. (I just can't process in real time. Partly because...

When I first started to have emotions in the sessions, I felt total self disgust at my vulnerability when I got home. I wasnt expecting that, so a little heads up just in case its like that for you also. That gets better a little faster than the numbness though. Hang in there, youre not doing anything wrong it just takes time. :tup:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I felt total self disgust at my vulnerability when I got home.

Yes, I felt the same and scared, very scared to be so vulnerable. My therapist came through in that area and worked me through it. Today we have a lot of numbess and a ton of fear, a tiny bit of emotion, work through it. Rise and repeat when I can and not when I cant.

I had to work through my terror that my therapist was going to get tired of me and go away as 4 other had in the past. Trust that he was not just there for the long haul but also would be able to catch me.

Today he is the only person I fully trust but it's only been in the last 6 months that ive been able to have and show the slight bit of emotions and still stay fairly numb in therapy. Most of my work is done in the form of homework and on sites like this one. So thats not at all uncommon.

Understand that its not uncommon, and stay very patient with yourself. Patience I cant say enough. Rewind my life 6 months and i was stuck, for a year, very VERY frustrated and NEVER thought id move further in 6 months than I did in 6 and a half years. You will get there!

 

[shell]

I worked at home and worked on my fear of being rejected, looking stupid, and what I thought would happen if I lost control, like I believed I would.

Eventually I came to the realization I was worrying about nothing, I have the ability to dissociate and switch off my emotions that doesn't disappear just because I feel safe enough to cry in front of T. Journalling for months eventually broke through my fear, and learning to ground myself was essential to control the dissociation.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I can now feel feelings but still tend to numb myself out at moments. I also have moments when I second guess and self doubt as well, too ingrained still.

 

[Caza]

Hi. Does anyone have high anxiety and then suddenly feel emotionally numb.