Purpose

[Snowflake]

Do you feel it's important to discuss the abuse with your therapist in order to "move past" it?

I have mixed emotions. I hate the person I am and I know it's because of the abuse I suffered. So does changing my outlook about me and life require me to talk about what happened? However, I am afraid to relive the abuse by talking about it and I am worried about my therapist hearing it- I don't want my therapist to experience it through my words. It's not fair to her.

Thoughts?

 

[Silver.]

I think therapy can be so different for everyone in the same way that many therapists have different approaches to how they work. While some people find it beneficial to talk about the past, to heal from it, others (myself included), do not feel that healing is based on reliving/discussing the past. I ultimately feel like that decision is up to you.
But I will tell you, your therapist is there for you, and (though it is easier said than done), understand that she is there to help you heal, and listening to your pain, is part of her job. It's not an issue of being fair, that is what she is there for.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I don't think it's a requirement. I don't feel I really moved on after telling. I didn't really need to and I regret doing so.

 

[RavenGirl]

I didn't tell my T about every little detail, I only told what I was comfortable telling. She said it wasn't necessary to move forward.

For me the biggest thing was learning how to be comfortable in my own skin despite my past, have a voice / stand up for myself, be more self confident, make choices I want instead of being such a people pleaser, etc.

I hope therapy can be as great for you as it has been for me. God luck in your road to recovery. ;):tup::hug:

 

[user27357]

I remember thinking that talking to a therapist about the cause of my PTSD (in the OP's case, abuse) was about as useful as bitching about the weather, maybe worse, weather that was deep in the past. I told one therapist that unless we moved on I was just going to go sit in the rain until someone sat down next to me and started a conversation that included the statement "we are getting wet", cheaper, easier, and about as effective.

I guess I have hope that the right therapist can listen to what has happened, make suggestions about what I can do to learn to accept it and not be overloaded by it and to live a life that goes on in spite of it, all tough to do without an understanding of what "it" was.

I hate reliving the stories. I get a feeling that alerts me that continuing to re-tell the story is bringing it back to a level or position or whatever you want to call it that almost guarantees a nightmare about the incident that night or shortly after, then it's a battle to get it back out of my thoughts and dreams.

So, no I don't always think it is important, but it is, and I wish it wasn't.

 

[Snowflake]

For me the biggest thing was learning how to be comfortable in my own skin despite my past, have a voice / stand up for myself, be more self confident, make choices I want instead of being such a people pleaser, etc.

This is what I struggle with

 

[Missycat]

I think you need to do what you feel the most comfortable with. Remember your T is there for you and as a professional will know how to deal with anything you tell them, i imagine there is not a lot that will shock a Therapist.

I have found it extremely difficult to discuss my trauma/ abuse and my T tells me i dont have
to provide details. However i always wanted someone to stop what was happening and just wanted someone to ask and listen. So a key part of my healing is to talk about it and face it and feel listened to and believed.
I cant say the words so i write it down and then email my T, she then can ask me about it and understands the background when we are processing during Emdr.
Good luck with your healing journey.
Hugs if accepted.:hug:
MC

 

[Friday]

I relive it anyway.

As far as making someone else's decisions for them? Like what line of work they should be in, or what they should or should not be okay with hearing? I try not to do that. It's not my decision to make. It's theirs.

How it affects me? My lookout. How it affects them? Their lookout.

 

[digger]

I am worried about my therapist hearing it- I don't want my therapist to experience it through my words. It's not fair to her.

If you have reservations about discussing the abuse because of how doing so may affect you, then it's important to consider those things and talk those fears over with your therapist before doing so. It shouldn't be because your worried about how it will affect your therapist though - she has made the decision to be a therapist, chosen that and all that goes with it and should have appropriate training and supervision and self care to deal with these things. I had this conversation with my T a few months ago as it is something I'm always fighting in my head too - she told me that I don't need to protect her. It was a very helpful thing to hear.

 

[Snowflake]

I cant say the words so i write it down and then email my T, she then can ask me about it and understands the background when we are processing during EMDR.

This is what I started to do too

 

[Missycat]

Does it help you @Snowflake

I have regular flashbacks and nightmares and dissociate so sharing was not so much about reliving it for me it was about being heard and validated. If that makes sense.

 

[Snowflake]

Does it help you @Snowflake

I have regular flashbacks and nightmares and dissocia...

Omg yep! It's easier-when written first. But still hard