- Post starter
- #13
I wish she would hug me. For some reason I feel like she doesn't hear me, believe me or care without that hug.
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- Post starter Snowflake
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I wish she would hug me. For some reason I feel like she doesn't hear me, believe me or care without that hug.
Missycat
Diamond Member
You made a brave decision getting help and going for therapy. Yea it is hard, i weigh up how the flashbacks, anxiety etc etc impact on me and how i want to be better so i kinda expect it will be hard. This is me on a good day - some days its too much and im a wreck but as people inc my T tell me - it will get better.
I hope it does for you :hug:
I hope it does for you :hug:
Does she know you want a hug? She may not hug you but talking about what that represents to you might be helpful and help her understand what you need from her. As to how much you need to talk, I think as the relationship settles you'll know what's important and what isn't. I'd echo that your therapist can take whatever you need to talk about - you don't need to protect her.
- Post starter
- #16
I doubt she knows I want a hug. I am terrified to tell her-to hear the word "no"
She has told me she can take care of herself-I don't have to protect her. I just worry she will "get rid of me" if you can't handle it.
Missycat
Diamond Member
She has told you she can look after herself so she is telling you she can handle it too.
I can understand your nervousness about the question re the hug but currently you are worrying about this and in limbo as you dont kmow what she will say? So at least if you ask you will know and then can deal with the resonse.
I can understand your nervousness about the question re the hug but currently you are worrying about this and in limbo as you dont kmow what she will say? So at least if you ask you will know and then can deal with the resonse.
Panda Bear
Platinum Member
She's right, you don't have to protect her. It's a frequent fear of mine too....my story being to much for T. Surly he will eventually crumble under the weight of what I have to share and repeat. He'll get overwhelmed and dump me. We often pause and address that concern, the weight. He's been honest and said at times, he's needed help and guidence in how to proceed with me. But please keep in mind we have a loooong standing relationship and he shares these bumps now, but didn't early on in out work. He promises me that he does his part, and encourages me to do mine. So that we can, together, tackle the load and neither of us crumble. He asks me to pray for him and I ask him to pray for me. It's our view, but it works.
As for the hug? It can be scary to face a possible rejection of sorts, but you'll also not ever know unless you ask. My T...he hugs, I finally got brave and asked. I didn't want one at the time, but I was curious. He never said that he didn't touch patients and it was eating me alive, not knowing. So I finally asked! It was the best thing to have the control and know I would be okay with whatever the answer was.
For the record....he hugs, he hugs a lot! And 4yrs into our work, I finally asked for that hug(long after he told me they were okay) and got one. Some weeks we have them, and others we don't. :tup:
As for the hug? It can be scary to face a possible rejection of sorts, but you'll also not ever know unless you ask. My T...he hugs, I finally got brave and asked. I didn't want one at the time, but I was curious. He never said that he didn't touch patients and it was eating me alive, not knowing. So I finally asked! It was the best thing to have the control and know I would be okay with whatever the answer was.
For the record....he hugs, he hugs a lot! And 4yrs into our work, I finally asked for that hug(long after he told me they were okay) and got one. Some weeks we have them, and others we don't. :tup:
D
Deleted member 34328
I get the riot act from my therapist all the time... Stop trying to protect him. When I hold back or don't let him in on a crisis or a need from him, I'm taking away his decision as to how to handle it.
Whenever I have flashbacks or sexual issues come to the surface for me, I write things down too or email him prior to a session. Sometimes I just can't get the words out. To me, they're ugly and invasive. Regardless, he usually manages to work with me where I am and I feel better about things afterwards.
Perhaps as @Snowflake suggested, email her first. Sometimes much easier to write it than say it. I agree completely.
This is obviously weighing down very heavy for you. I'm not going to pretend "I know you feel" I hate that. But... I hear you.
Whenever I have flashbacks or sexual issues come to the surface for me, I write things down too or email him prior to a session. Sometimes I just can't get the words out. To me, they're ugly and invasive. Regardless, he usually manages to work with me where I am and I feel better about things afterwards.
Perhaps as @Snowflake suggested, email her first. Sometimes much easier to write it than say it. I agree completely.
This is obviously weighing down very heavy for you. I'm not going to pretend "I know you feel" I hate that. But... I hear you.
- Post starter
- #20
She told me again today not to protect her-she will be okay. She wants to know everything and regardless of what I say she won't get rid of me.
- Post starter
- #21
I wrote my feelings down about hugs. She said she could hug me every day-but if she forgets a day she is afraid I would be crushed. So she wants me to know she would but can't because she is afraid of how I would be if it didn't happen-she knows my safety is an issue.
D
Deleted member 34328
LOL - I got it about a month ago. He was starting his vacation but keeps the door open to some clients. I generally keep away when he's out of town. He gets very annoyed when I do that either in session or when he's away. I tend to apologize the following session when I've sent him a blasting email or gotten angry or crying in a session. Again, he always says to stop protecting him. Glad I'm not the only one.
- Post starter
- #23
I am always apologizing
vivalatapping
New Here
therapy did not help me....it was more tharepist talking than me
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