I wasn't sure where else to put this topic. I get a lot of random thoughts that are more like urges or cravings for things that I don't actually want to do, or things that I've never done. For example, I very often have urges to use pretty hard core drugs, to smoke, and to drink. I don't actually want to do these things, but for some reason, the impulse to do them pops into my mind very often. When I finish a project at work, I sometimes feel that the next step is to go get high. I've even so much as stood up from my desk as though I'm going to go do that, and I catch myself and think, WTF? I also get impulses to do self-violent things like smash my head into a hard brick wall to make it splatter like an insect, or to crash my head through a window. Or to hang myself. I don't actually want to do these things, but the images of me doing them, and the energy and urge to get up and do them is often there. Does anyone else deal with anything similar to this?
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Weird Impulses & Urges
- Post starter sugnim
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Justmehere
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It could very much be structural dissociation, especially if you have other symptoms of dissociation. I have personality fragments, and I also struggle with symptoms like this.
Impulsively, or compulsively, imagining doing something that we don't want to do that is violent or self destructive, is also symptom that can happen quite commonly for OCD sufferers. In a high state of stress (which is what PTSD is) people can develop one or two symptoms of other anxiety based disorders without having the full condition.
For me, I will be walking along the road and suddenly picture jumping in front of a car. I will also randomly want to do drug myself to oblivion. I don't want to do any of this, but it's there all the same. It's strong enough it scares me. It's a very impulsive and intrusive thought/image/urge.
For me, it's different than being suicidal or being tempted to try to get high. It's not what I actually want to do. It's egodystonic. It's compulsive. I feel compelled to act for a few moments. The fact that it doesn't fit with what is wanted, it's actually distressing to experience, is what makes it similar to other OCD symptoms and why this symptom shows up with that disorder more often than PTSD alone.
It's really a symptom of high underlying anxiety, and such anxiety is common with PTSD.
If getting high is something you actually really want to do, or etc, then that's something different. But if it is a urge to do those behaviors and you don't want to do them, it could be that your PTSD symptoms /anxiety are spilling over and coming out symptom that is common for OCD suffers. It doesn't mean you have OCD, I am just trying to say that you are very much not alone in experiencing this distressing symptom.
For me, it helps if I reduce my underlying anxiety by working on the PTSD and any trauma symptoms. I also use CBT style "thought stopping" or "though diffusion" and distraction techniques. This is usually enough to make the impulses and images of doing random horrible things to myself go away. They stop popping into my head at all. It didn't work very well at first, but with practice, it now does the trick for me. It pops up again every few months, but I can stop the pattern and make it go away fairly quickly. My therapist says that once I work through the trauma, this hopefully will go away completely. I hope she is right.
I hope you find something that helps shift it for you.
Impulsively, or compulsively, imagining doing something that we don't want to do that is violent or self destructive, is also symptom that can happen quite commonly for OCD sufferers. In a high state of stress (which is what PTSD is) people can develop one or two symptoms of other anxiety based disorders without having the full condition.
For me, I will be walking along the road and suddenly picture jumping in front of a car. I will also randomly want to do drug myself to oblivion. I don't want to do any of this, but it's there all the same. It's strong enough it scares me. It's a very impulsive and intrusive thought/image/urge.
For me, it's different than being suicidal or being tempted to try to get high. It's not what I actually want to do. It's egodystonic. It's compulsive. I feel compelled to act for a few moments. The fact that it doesn't fit with what is wanted, it's actually distressing to experience, is what makes it similar to other OCD symptoms and why this symptom shows up with that disorder more often than PTSD alone.
It's really a symptom of high underlying anxiety, and such anxiety is common with PTSD.
If getting high is something you actually really want to do, or etc, then that's something different. But if it is a urge to do those behaviors and you don't want to do them, it could be that your PTSD symptoms /anxiety are spilling over and coming out symptom that is common for OCD suffers. It doesn't mean you have OCD, I am just trying to say that you are very much not alone in experiencing this distressing symptom.
For me, it helps if I reduce my underlying anxiety by working on the PTSD and any trauma symptoms. I also use CBT style "thought stopping" or "though diffusion" and distraction techniques. This is usually enough to make the impulses and images of doing random horrible things to myself go away. They stop popping into my head at all. It didn't work very well at first, but with practice, it now does the trick for me. It pops up again every few months, but I can stop the pattern and make it go away fairly quickly. My therapist says that once I work through the trauma, this hopefully will go away completely. I hope she is right.
I hope you find something that helps shift it for you.
Have you figured this out yet?
I experience the same thing and am starting to talk to my t doc about structural dissociation.
There are other things going on as well that makes this concept seem right for me.
I have used the thought stopping method for the self harm/ suicide type intrusive thoughts and it helps though sometimes I have to really yell it in my head repeatedly for it to work. When I'm in a really bad place they come back anyway and I have to do it again. It's gotten easier and I need to do it less often than I used to. Since it's been going on so long it's not as distressing as it once was.
I experience the same thing and am starting to talk to my t doc about structural dissociation.
There are other things going on as well that makes this concept seem right for me.
I have used the thought stopping method for the self harm/ suicide type intrusive thoughts and it helps though sometimes I have to really yell it in my head repeatedly for it to work. When I'm in a really bad place they come back anyway and I have to do it again. It's gotten easier and I need to do it less often than I used to. Since it's been going on so long it's not as distressing as it once was.
Friday
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Missed this the first time around... These are all high risk oblivion-seeking / high risk numbing kinds of behaviors.
Is there a high risk oblivion seeking behavior you used to do that you've stopped?
Is there a high risk oblivion seeking behavior you used to do that you've stopped?
I struggle a lot with stuff like @Justmehere described. It's not stuff I actually want to do. It's stuff that scares me and jumps into my mind for that reason. It's especially bad under stress.
That's what this old thread I started a while ago was based on:
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/panic-attacks-with-blurting-stuff-out.61794/
In the past I have also had the jumping into traffic one but luckily only the speech based, not the action based ones, are difficult for me to control.
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/panic-attacks-with-blurting-stuff-out.61794/
In the past I have also had the jumping into traffic one but luckily only the speech based, not the action based ones, are difficult for me to control.
Veering into oncoming trucks etc- often..the same idea as jumping into it I guess, so glad to see it isn't necessarily uncommon. I was compulsive about testing myself around firearms too- holding them up towards myself, looking down at them to test that I was in control, or something to reassure me, before I was around others?
Friday
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Meaning that the theme of the intrusive thoughts, from hardcore drug use to smashing your head are all life threatening - lethal ways to not have to think/feel. Very high octane.
As opposed to most of the thoughts being suicidal, or homicidal, or escape, or revenge, or control, or any other kind of unifying theme... Or low risk numbing; like going into the ER for a shot, tattoos, or sleeping forever... Or high risk full stop; like adrenaline junkie stuff, or sleeping around.
Just makes me wonder if Sugnim has something like cutting her brain is throwing out alternatives for. Take away one coping mechanism, and often it's Well fine! If not that??? How about this? Or this? Or that? Work with me here! We need something with risk! Pizzaz! Danger! That will also numb out all these thoughts & feelings!
Course, could be totally wrong. Often am. Was just a hunch.
I think I understand. I used to run away constantly as a teen. I was in foster care and they could NOT make me stay put. As an adult somehow I managed to settle down stay put and have a family so I can't run anymore. I've hypothesized that that is the reason for my unwanted self harm almost suicidal ideation type thoughts.
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