Vulnerability Is Not Weakness

[LanaD]

“Armor may look tough, but all it does is mask insecurity and fear.

Thank you so much for sharing that quote, @The Albatross!

It illustrates the point perfectly!!! At first I was confused as to why in the world my therapist would try to get me to practice vulnerability but now I'm starting to understand it and that quote explains it all. It's about becoming strong to the point of not needing the armor anymore.

Thanks again :)

 

[The Albatross]

Armor is always an option Lana D, but being willing at times to go without it is learning how to regain a CHOICE???

 

[LanaD]

Armor is always an option Lana D, but being willing at times to go without it is learning how to r...

I'd go further and say "regaining freedom." For example, even before I was assaulted I lived in a fortress, as a prisoner of fear. I see vulnerability as having the freedom to step outside that fortress, and it feels great. It is also very scary because there are beasts roaming outside but I can learn to defend myself, too, by learning about boundaries - the ability to say "no" is also freedom.

I woke up thinking about this topic this morning, and I thought this: courage is vulnerability. When a warrior steps onto the battle field or when a firefighter runs into a burning building, they're aware that they could die. Is there greater vulnerability than risking one's own life?

When I think about it, I was actually making myself quite vulnerable by deciding to stop drinking and instead pick up the phone to seek help for what would turn out to be PTSD. Drinking was keeping me comfortable but suddenly I was on the phone with a complete stranger who may or may not have given a rat's arse about me but you know what, she turned out to be my angel. On the other hand, when I went into the local victim support office to talk to them, the woman I talked to didn't seem to care about me, which was hard to deal with but now I understand that her actions do not reflect on me, which is something I've learned through vulnerability.

 

[Deleted member 34535]

Hi everyone,

Trust is a big deal for all of us, it seems, and instead of hijacking watundah's post, [URL...

Thank you LanaD for your thread. I haven't tried or succeeded at the topic of vulnerability, but it is definitely one that I should bring up with my Therapist next week. You see, I push people away when they get too close. And it isn't something that I knowingly do when these situations arise. You see, it is and was only ever a handful of people that treated me poorly. I believe my abuse occured at a very tender age. So the traits of mistrust of others is very deeply seeded. To allow myself to be vulnerable, and I believe I should for my well-being, I would have to get my hyper-vigilance which is on mega doses of steroids, under control. It was ever only a handful of people that mistreated me and I am putting everyone under the microscope. Most I am sure do not deserve that. But these are tangled webs that have developed over many years and untangling them won't happen overnight.

 

[LanaD]

Thank you LanaD for your thread. I haven't tried or succeeded at the topic of vulnerability, but it...

I'm so glad bringing up this topic is helpful to you. I'm going through the process of untangling webs and it's difficult and definitely will take some time, but it already feels like it's worth it. I was wondering if it would be helpful to people who want to give vulnerability a try to look at actual examples of vulnerability. Maybe we can try to start with little steps and work our way up (out?) as we feel more comfortable ;)

 

[Go Hungry]

I understand that the definition of 'vulnerable' has very negative connotations, but I've come to see it and something that is simply part of the human experience, and a critical factor in any successful relationship. I have wished, so hard, that I was fully invulnerable. An invincible rock that withstands any force, that shatters all threats. And I've tried to be that, but the problem is that it just doesn't work. People are -designed- to be vulnerable. And it has a payoff.

I tried to become invulnerable because of some bad decisions I made when I was a child. I showed vulnerability to other kids and some adults in my church. They all took advantage of it and basically ruined my life. (there was a lot more here, but it was very ugly and probably just best to skip.)

Anyways, fast forward 30 years and that hard exterior is a plague on my existence. I just can't trust people. Every time I get close in a relationship, I just shut down. I didn't even know that I was shut down. The constant mistrust and paranoia was just a part of my being. But lately I -had- to open up to someone. It was when I moved in with my girlfriend. I was as hard as I could be, and she could tell. I loved her, but I was desperately afraid to lose control, any control, over my heart, my finances, anything. Yet I was so afraid of losing her, and rather obsessed with 'doing it right' that I gave in. I opened up and was vulnerable for the first time in my life, it seemed.

If I hadn't done that, she would be gone. She's not the sort to fight pyrrhic battles. But she did fight for me, with me. It was the vulnerability that -saved- us, as a couple. I still can't believe that I did it. It just seemed so wrong. So weak and foolish. I struggled, but I managed to put just a teeny speck of trust in her.

It paid off big.

 

[LanaD]

I understand that the definition of 'vulnerable' has very negative connotations, but I've come to see...

Congratulations! Your story is so wonderful to hear and I am truly happy for you :) Your girlfriend must be worth keeping if she's been so patient in working with you. That sounds like love!

You say, "It was the vulnerability that -saved- us." Now I can understand what you mean and I hope your story inspires the rest of us as we pursue inner freedom and happiness.

Wishing you the very best!