Structural Dissociation

[7Cs]

There have been times where it seems or feels like another uncontrollable part of me "takes over" and I'm along for the ride. Specifically when stressed or majorly triggered I can become irritable, angry and borderlining on cruel. The way I speak changes to include profanity.... not just in anger but in regular conversation as well (completely unlike me). Recently I've noticed during the extended times of triggering like this I tend to give the wrong phone number.... my childhood phone number. Though (I think) I usually catch it. Sometime these episodes can be sudden and unexpected mini rages that seem to happen from acute stressers that I can't call triggers. Other times it's to a lesser extent but goes on for days and intermingles with high anxiety and sense of dissociation (out of touch with reality kind of like derealization) ... this is usually what happens after a major trigger especially therapy related stuff that is too much for me to handle.

My T has said she thinks I have a child part, teen part and my mother part and my daughter and husband say they agree and that they've seen those "personalities". T hasn't given it a name but we're going to talk about structural dissociation next week, I brought it up at our last session.

No current memory loss but my childhood was full of trauma. I do have gaps in memory and confusion with my timeline but then again it was basically trauma after trauma for many years. Most of my memories I hold as snapshot photos (I think that's normal?). Sometimes the snapshots will become bigger and basically overcome me emotionally which I consider an emotional flash back and emotionally I am "back there" again.

Does this sound like structural dissociation?

What are your experiences with this type of dissociation, especially secondary type?

 

[7Cs]

No one, anyone?

I hate posting and nobody responds. :(
I know there are other posts on this subject but it's just so confusing.
And everyone experiences this stuff a little differently.

 

[BlueOrange]

I hate posting and nobody responds. :(

Me too. Speaking strictly for myself, yesterday was exhausting for me. At the moment, I'm checking in on this site every 2-3 days. (This varies, and I've been away for months at a time on more than one occasion.) Will now turn my attention to the trickier question at the top of the thread....

 

[Nevermore]

Hi @7Cs
I don't experience what you describe, but I do have a problem with dissociating. When I am in that state I don't think I change, more like I disappear. There's just no one home. I've got no control over how long it will be for - it scares me!!
But mostly I just wanted to reply because I too hate posting and getting no response. Hope someone responds who experiences something similar and can offer insight!

 

[BlueOrange]

That sounds a lot like structural dissociation to me. I'm not sure what 'secondary type' means in this context. The labels I understand are:
PTSD (one ANP, one EP)
DD-NOS (one ANP, multiple EP)
DID (multiple ANP, multiple EP)

Given that there are more than two parts, that leaves DD-NOS (I guess you could call that 'secondary type') and DID. Very difficult to tell at this distance whether you have one Apparently Normal Part, or more than one - the difference in terms of therapy and treatment is pretty subtle, so that's OK, I reckon.

My diagnosis is DID (I held a PTSD diagnosis for 10 years, but when my therapist observed switching between the ANP that normally attends therapy, and a colder, more ruthless ANP, he revised the diagnosis).

The experience you describe reminds me of what I was like relatively early in my treatment - there were years of my life that I couldn't remember, although I was pretty confident in my recall of recent events. Now, the 'missing periods' are much smaller in general, and I don't feel like there are significant gaps in my mental history anymore.

I experience different degrees of dissociation - these days, it tends to be less of the 'floaty distant' feeling that I associate with extreme stress, and more of the 'pressure in my mind' feeling that tells me that there's a part of myself that is trying to enter my conscious awareness.

People outside my head tended to see what was happening with me more than I could. My first wife used to say "When he gets angry, it's like he becomes a completely different person." Occasional jokes by coworkers about the voices in my head make sense in the light of the DID experience. (Noting that I've never had auditory hallucinations, but I have had an experience of 'thoughts that are not my own'.)

Does that help?

 

[joeylittle]

Does this sound like structural dissociation?

Structural dissociation is a theory, not a diagnosis - it's important to remember that.

So, it's less to do with whether you think it fits you - and more to do with whether or not it helps you understand your self (if that make sense).

That being said - yes, what you describe sounds like it could fit into the theory of SD fairly well. And if it gives you a solid way to go about addressing how your behavior and inner-feeling (personality) shifts according to the situation - then go for it.

But if it feels like a thing that's being imposed on you, you should really feel very free to ask a lot of honest questions with your therapist, because at the end of the day, the theory might not be useful for you. From your post, it sounds like you have some fears about the label, 'structural dissociation' -but SD is a concept that is meant to help, not to create more problems.

I know that in the middle of talking about my main trauma, I sometimes feel like I only have the vocabulary and logic of a much, much younger person - more like a child. However, for me, it's not something that comes up at any other time - only when I'm extremely engaged in trauma work. Therefore, for me, it's not really worth considering it as a dissociation issue - it's a phenomenon, but not something that tracks into my daily life in a way that interrupts my functioning.

I'm going to go looking for the massive structural dissociation thread that we have in this forum, and add the link - you may find it useful, just to read other peoples' experiences with it.

Edit to add: and, here you go: Structural Dissociation? - it's a long thread, but a really good read.

 

[7Cs]

Structural dissociation is a theory, not a diagnosis - it's important to remember that.

So, it's le...

I actually do think it fits well but I don't want another dx.

I also fear that it will exacerbate my symptoms, then again I think any intense work will probably do that.
I know when my T tried to do inner child work with me (way to early for that) I would become very nauseated when I would picture or reach out to certain ages. After an especially disturbing flash back I stopped doing that kind of work!


I've read quite a few of the sd threads on here but not the one you linked to... Thank you!

 

[7Cs]

Hi @7Cs
I don't experience what you describe, but I do have a problem with dissoc...

Thank you!

 

[7Cs]

That sounds a lot like structural dissociation to me. I'm not sure what 'secondary type' means in t...

Thank you.

 

[shimmerz]

I think that the SD thing was something that those of us with co-conscious issues picked up on. So many people speak about DID and losing time, which I don't do - which many don't do. In searching for answers on how one can have more than one 'voice' in the head - that somehow there seems to be a 'watcher' of some sort internally who gets us out of do-do when another part is acting out.... well, understanding how to work within that framework, for me, was very helpful.

The thing is, on initial research on that thread that JL posted on SD, I felt chaotic in it at first. Not much does that to me, but researching this did. So just warning that it may be a difficult read.... but if the thought of this resonates at all, it might be a worthwhile on. I would suggest taking it a bit at a time.

 

[Kailani]

I have found that as my stress increases my dissociation increases; I break like a mirror; first one part breaks then as the dissociation worsens I have accents and ages and don't feel like it's me. I believe I don't lose time and severe grounding and EMDR help but only very small doses of EMDR; 10 min. It's like being a broken mirror glued back together; weakened but glued back. I think it's dissociation.

 

[BlueOrange]

Structural dissociation is a theory, not a diagnosis

I thought I disagreed, and I wrote a post about it, so as not to derail this thread. Now, as I come to say "Hey, let's talk in that other thread," I realise that I had swapped your words around, and I agree completely. For what it's worth, here's a post about the difference between a theory and a diagnosis.