Need Help Accessing Emotions

[shell]

Hi. Does anyone have high anxiety and then suddenly feel emotionally numb.

It is very common to dissociate and numb emotions when you have grown up with trauma.

 

[pixel]

Hello @NightSky, I read your initial post with interest.

I don't know how to reach the level of safety in the presence of someone else, where I can allow feelings to surface

I have no idea about how to make feelings "surface" as you put it, but i have 2 tips on identifying them in therapy:

• Learn what a feeling does to your body. If something stiffens your shoulders or clenches your fists, maybe for you this means anger. Butterflies in my stomach means I am sad. Identify these and then tell your therapist. When you go numb in your next session, you might still be able to identify in your body what the emotion is. You might be able to say "my back is tense." and your therapist can interpret this to mean you are feeling angry.
• Art therapy. You don't need to be artistic at all. It isn't really 'art', per se. Guided by your therapist, you sit with whatever is going on inside of you, then you choose a crayon/pencil for each hand, close your eyes and let your hands draw on the page. It is incredible what emerges and how much you connect with whats on the page. The hardest part is labelling it, its often a feeling word.

Art therapy seems to unblock something deep inside. You can use the drawings as a basis for discussion. My therapist suggested it because I have no language for deep inside me. Attaching a label to your work is important therapy. It helped me to understand feelings are real.

You know how people show their feelings to others? ie, they jump up and down when excited, or they shrug, frown etc. My art therapy felt like that, for me. It felt like I was showing someone a real feeling. Sharing. :hug:
You can use the drawings to converse with friends or loved ones.

Those are 2 tips that definitely work (for me).

Do try it! :D

 

[Tinyflame]

As well, I go completely void if I feel any emotion coming on. I just go away. Completely. Numb. Nobody is home. Scary as hell.

Yes and then we're supposed to make decisions .. :(

 

[watundah]

All so familiar. I have this exact same problem. I have been with my T for 4 years and still am very often totally triggered. She is kind and compassionate and constantly works to gently encourage me to verbalize. It has slowed down progress tremendously but I am learning that this is a very deeply programmed response to a world that was hurtful and unsafe for a very long time. Understanding that there is a good reason for this behavior helps. I felt scrutinized and I was mocked and teased a lot. So when you're sitting there for an hour with someone staring and dissecting your words, how can someone with insecurities relax? Sometimes we have a really good session when I don't numb out and can chat freely for an hour, when the walls come down and my body isn't stiff and it gives me hope. Id say you are onto things when you realize that typing up feelings in advance is a good tool. I think it helps in that it provides a jumping off point for deeper discussion. I think that I, too, get overwhelmed by the vulnerability and anxiety of being exposed. I logically know that I am safe with my T. It's tricky and difficult especially as we dive into much deeper, darker material. I think I am rambling but I could write about this all day!

 

[katz]

I like my therapist and trust her as much as I'm able to trust anyone. I have been with her for a year...

I have the same problem also. I have a terrible time crying or letting myself feel when I'm with some one else. I have noticed that when I have some thing else to look at or concentrate on, it helps me. I usually carry a crochet bag. I can just do a square and I don't have to look at anyone, but I seem to be able to talk better. Just a thought...

 

[NightSky]

Thank you so much, everyone, for your thoughtful responses. Maybe this should go in a separate thread under "dissociation" but I've just identified a pattern I'm wondering about. In the rare instances when emotions do surface that feel as if they originate with the trauma (and not mere frustration with the process which tends to bring on angry tears at times) it tends to happen after bouts of fairly intense dissociation. If I am triggered, and dissociate in the presence of others, and leave that situation (whether in therapy, a group of friends, etc) it is when the fog clears I am hit with the emotions. And really no other time. Is there some part of our mind/self that is accessed during the clearing away of dissociative fog that isn't as easily accessed at other times? Anyone have thoughts or experiences with that?
Thanks again for your great input.

 

[pixel]

Maybe for you, dissociating is a strategy to put feelings on hold.

You get triggered, (omg there's a wave of emotions coming, but I'm with people, this cannot happen right now!) you dissociate (mwa haha, I'm in control:sneaky: and I'm gunna shelve you, you annoying, opinionated little turds), you physically leave the situation and then BAM!
welcome back demanding, domineering, ruthless, overwhelming and unwanted emotions: Stuff you! we are NOT going away, you need us, you can't lock us up forever, we are going to haunt you, you cannot escape, you need to deal with us! :banghead:


So maybe you don't shelve your emotions, you meerly dissociate to escape them but they are right there waiting for you when you come back.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Excellent suggestions, everyone. Your ideas, Pixel, particularly resonate with me. I think that (1) focusing on bodily sensations (slowly, compassionately, safely!) and (2) some kind of artistic/visual activity, provide very different ways to access one's emotions.
I haven't done any specific somatic-type therapy, but over my life I have learned to be more present and to "live in my body" instead of "above the neck" only. I've done this mostly by using mindfulness, guided meditation that helps me identify internal body sensation, and grounding techniques that have strong tactile (snapping a rubber band, squeezing a rough but not too pointy crystal) or scent (rubbing or piercing an orange peel, essential oils) components. Most recently, my T referred me to a Yoga for Depression & Anxiety class led by a yoga teacher who is also a T. She is excellent at creating a safe space and very conscious that many of the participants likely have some form of trauma in their background.
As for art, what I do is keep an art journal. I'm not a trained artist, can't draw worth a damn, and wasn't one of those kids who always doodled or couldn't wait to color. Nope. But collage, paint, and scribble-writing has been enormously therapeutic for me. Crafting tools, even children's art supplies, have helped me overcome my "I can't do this, this looks dumb!" tendencies. Since I am someone who typically lives in my head, very verbal, cerebral, and hyper-analytical, it has been essential for me to find other ways of identifying, expressing, and processing my emotions besides speaking, or even writing. I sometimes bring my art journal to therapy with me. My T won't let me get away with doing that the whole session (she is not an art therapist), but showing her a few pages pointing to elements and explaining what they mean has been a great prompt for me and helps me open up. At least I can talk about my feelings, even if I don't feel them as strongly in the session. And those pages have given her a lot of insight as well.
I'm going to try to attach a picture of one of my journal spreads (2 pages.) It's actually not the best representation of being purely visual, because it is mostly text, lol! But there are a lot of layers, and I am sharing it because it speaks to how making art is part of my healing.[GALLERY=media, 3496]I make art because ... by Lola Nocheprieta posted Aug 7, 2016 at 11:13 PM[/GALLERY]

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Jeez, sorry this was all one block of text, and that the image came at the beginning and not the end. Okay, okay, I'll go back and read the "how to" pages again!
<moderator edit to place image at bottom of previous post>

 

[NightSky]

Maybe for you, dissociating is a strategy to put feelings on hold.

You get triggered, (omg there'...

@pixel thank you so much for that! It makes perfect sense and something that seems clear that I couldn't make sense of.

@Lola Nocheprieta thank you for the suggestion. I bought an art journal a year or so ago but got so caught up in how things looked I couldn't fully engage with it. If I combine that with the somatic awareness that I always neglect, I think that could help.

 

[pixel]

Glad you posted, @NightSky

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

@pixel thank you so much for that! It makes perfect sense and something that seems...

Good luck to you!