Undiagnosed New, Been Dealing With This Alone For A While

[Noxyoursox]

Hallo, I'm not good at introductions and don't really know what to say here that isn't on my profile.

I guess the main reason I decided to look for a forum like this was that I've had symptoms of PTSD for about 6 years (and depression for literally as long as I can remember) but for a long time I thought I must be blowing things out of proportion because my life was pretty normal and I hadn't been through any major trauma. It's only been in the last year or so that I've started to realize what I was going through wasn't normal at all. I have a hard time thinking of the events in my life as something that has had any impact on me whatsoever (kind of a disconnect), so it often feels like my episodes come out of nowhere and my emotions have little or no basis in the present moment. I also have blanked out a significant portion of my childhood from my memory (around the time my parents divorced and my oma died). My experiences with abusers have contributed to social anxiety and a general distrust of people, especially men.

Right now I am living in a very dysfunctional household with my mom, stepdad, and two of my siblings, though I am preparing to move into college dorms in another city next month. I am the oldest of my siblings, and although I know that physically getting out of the situation I'm currently in is necessary before healing from that can really happen, I also am really worried about leaving them behind to deal with this without me (and taking them with me is not an option). One of them is 8 years old and autistic (and is largely ignored aside from being fed, spanked and sent to his room when he throws tantrums, and told to clean up after himself etc.), the other is an adult but can't get a job or even get out of the house because my parents monopolize all of her time for cooking, cleaning, and babysitting and generally treat her as a live-in maid with no say in anything.

 

[joeylittle]

Hi, @Noxyoursox - welcome.

This article here: Post-Traumatic Stress DIsorder, will give you a good overview of the criteria for PTSD. It's really impossible to self-diagnose - but seeing if you have any thing that fits into the first criteria (called Criteria A) will go a long ways towards helping you understand if you've had a trauma that would support a PTSD diagnosis.

This doesn't mean that your symptoms, and your struggle, aren't real - you're having a hard time, or you wouldn't be looking for support. It's just good to know the basics about what you may or may not be looking at. Do you have the ability to start seeing a therapist, maybe through school (since it sounds like you are currently a student)?

 

[Noxyoursox]

Hi, @Noxyoursox - welcome.

This article here: [URL='Link Removed...

Thank you for the link! I'm between schools right now so I won't have access to a school counselor until Fall Quarter starts. In general my experience with counselors has been that they address the immediate surface issues and consider me functioning for a couple consecutive weeks to signal then end of my need. I know that self-diagnosis is not accurate, but it's all I'm able to do right now.

 

[Ronin]

Hi Nox,

Is it possible to involve social services or other authorities for your siblings?

They are not your responsibility, you and your healing first, but boy, do I understand feeling bound to help them, especially as they are more vulnerable on quite a few axes because of age and disability and exploitation respectively.

Also, would it be possible to urge seeking a way out for your sister?

Your parents have responsibilities to you all first, as adults -and- parents. That they failed so miserably and keep on failing is pitiful, though not excusable, and you all deserve better and deserve safety.

Glad you found us, in every case, and that you are taking initiative. Cheers on that. Make yourself at home. A better one.

 

[Noxyoursox]

Hi Nox,

Is it possible to involve social services or other authorities for your siblings?

They are not...

I've been trying to get my sister to get out more, get a job, or even just stand up for herself for years, with basically no effect. I've confronted our parents myself about her and told them that I thought their treatment of her was unfair (though I've had to be very careful because I was worried they would kick me out of the house if I complained too much; even just asking my stepdad to turn the volume down on his computer usually results in a major spat).

I don't know if social services would actually do anything for my brother. The house is a mess and my brother is somewhat malnourished because he eats barely anything besides peanut butter sandwiches, but my parents aren't physically abusing him (or even verbally, really) so much as acting like he doesn't exist except when he's doing something that forces them to pay attention to him.

 

[EveHarrington]

Once you get out, PLEASE call social services! Neglect is a very serious issue and your brother IS being neglected if he is malnourished.

Social services can indeed help your brother. (If you do a bit of research you'll see that SS comes down on parents for very minor infractions, MUCH less than this.) Your brother deserves decent care.

Neglect can be devastating. There are many people here who can attest to this.

I applaud your realization that your home life is abusive-----but until you leave, I don't think you'll realize exactly how abusive it really is.

The treatment of your brother by your parents is a bit disgusting.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Ronin]

but my parents aren't physically abusing him (or even verbally, really) so much as acting like he doesn't exist

That and the malnutrition IS physical abuse and quite severe one.

Acting like he does not exist means not taking care of -any- of his very physical needs... also physical abuse. Beating is not the only form of physical abuse there is, and other types can be worse, and lethal faster.

 

[GWhizz]

Wow I really empathise with your family situation and the difficulty of potentially involving social services.

I would have to echo @joeylittle too and advise you to seek more support for yourself. I know you're between schools etc but maybe when you do have access could you seek a referral to someone more specialised?

 

[Noxyoursox]

Wow I really empathise with your family situation and the difficulty of potentially involving social ser...

I'm really feeling like that is something I need. If nothing else I need to find a counselor/therapist I can talk to in the long term and actually discuss the full situation with rather than being rushed through the school's system to another band-aid solution.

 

[Ann Barry]

Neglect is abuse [brother]. Using somebody is abuse [sister]. I agree, Band-aids are insulting & so inadequate.